waiting
these late nights
sitting in my closet
clutching my covers
staring at the computer screen
waiting
waiting for
something
drink a coke
to stay up
another hour
keep my eyes peeled
for that hair
keep my ears open
for that laugh
i suppose it is (?)
that i wait for
but (?) will not come
for (?) is preoccupied
with another's love
another's worries
shoes
hair
words
sheets
but i do not lose
hope
for that is what keeps me
clear
another bottle
of water to keep me
sane
twist the cap and hydrate
try and lose five pounds
stay in shape but only for (?)
you know
its funny
what women will do
it doesn't matter for who
or which
event looms
somehow i told myself
that i would not become
that her
but this extra at my middle
holds me in society's grasp
this hegemony's paper doll
with jeans and t-shirt
separates
fold them over and make me pretty
this little doll to command at will
if only (?) could take my bags
and meet me at the door
take the paper off my
two-dimensional form
and see whats really there
underneath this torn
and battered soul
but i hold my head straight
to hide this wound
that keeps me alive
i don't need to be rescued
i want room to heal
but in this room
this space that creates
these late nights
waiting
is all i seem to do