Poems

went downstairs
some party
same story

walked in the door
men at my feet
seemingly interested
in the way i look
but all they want
to know
is how to get
between me and my
clothes

no one knows
i don't swing that way
no one knows
i want her here with me
no one knows
i can't stand parties

i can tolerate
this absurdity
if i have someone
to laugh with me
and i know
who i want to laugh with
for her smile
makes me melt
and her laugh
makes me so
so
happy

i feel as if i need
to stop and retreat
but i'm not sure that
i can completly do so
without feeling like
i'm pulling away

yes, redundant
i know
but i can't allow
my feelings to be
overlooked
for they haven't changed
and they won't

i'm not a bully
i don't expect change
but i know whats
going on
and its not
unrequited
which is why i'm
stuck
between this feeling
and the rules of
reality

most times i wish
reality would be
different
change to where i
want it to be
but i know that won't
happen
and i shouldn't
ask for it

but it would be
oh
so
nice

i'm blunt.
sorry.

Posted by Jessica Englund at 06:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

wade through the pool
scratch the surface
ignore the depth
of those below
that glass floor

drowning in the pool
can't reach the surface
down in the depths
below those above
that glass ceiling

Posted by Jessica Englund at 01:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i can't describe myself
without explaining my affinity
for music
for lyrics
for words
for dynamics

i want a canvas where
i can give words definition
color
dimension
life

can life be my canvas
and my lips the brush
my words flow from my mouth
like a river of vowels
verbs
and nouns
predicates abound

i cannot describe myself
without first describing
with words
for what a shame to never
hear what you see

my body is my canvas
when she looks at me
touches my skin
my art comes alive
for art is more than just
paint
colors
even words
body flows

yet

words can come like
a river
words can come like
a cloud
words can come like
a feeling
and when you feel the words
thats a true masterpiece

Posted by Jessica Englund at 08:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

what is this monster inside me
why does it show its ugly head
only when i hate you
but it isn't that i hate you
its that i hate who you are

maybe this should be that sad
goodbye
but i'm not sad
only angry

perhaps its time to leave
this constricting space
you hold me in
i want to expand
people, places, things,
you know the drill
i want new

why is it that i can't seem to keep
you here
you abandon all small things
and give only huge things
and i don't know about you
but its the little things
that make my heart sing

that one that makes me fly
sing
dance
repeat
is the one i will give my time
that lovely gift
you no longer will recieve

and i'm here again
i want my things back
more than things
my happiness
my autonomy
my comfort

i will give you one thing
i return your heart
unused
i didn't need it

turns out i have my own

Posted by Jessica Englund at 05:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

is it my past
that haunts me?
or is it my own
imagination
running away with me?

i do not believe
that my past is haunting
for i willingly
stalk my past.
but i guess i shouldn't
call it stalking
i merely followed her
no
walked with her to her class
she was talking
to me
shes lying

how can a person
forget
something as personal
as a lie

i'm not a liar
he is the liar
but what am i now?
am i the 'ex'?
do i 'ex'ist?
does he think of me
as often as i am reminded
of him

i remember everything
smell
sight
sound
touch
taste
all things of him i know
and i know because hes there

no matter where i go
hes there

he influences everything i do
i cannot walk to class without
him following me

has he forgotten about me?
i hope not
i want him to remember me as long as he
lives

and once again
i'm torn
do i hate him
or love him?

Posted by Jessica Englund at 12:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)