Poems

holy fucking shit
i think i might
finally be over you
what happened
did this just
magically occur
unbeknownst to me
i'm only the one
it affects the most
you'd think it
would've been sooner
since you threw
me around
lied about anything
pushed me down
pulled me out
ignored my words
misread my actions
and my silences
told me what to think
molded my behavior
to mimic your own
as if that wasn't
entirely narcissistic
you love yourself
and no one else
despite what you say
or what you do
regardless of how
you treated me
i no longer want
to invade your home
and slit you silently
in your sleep
i no longer want
to get my girls
and tack a list
of grievances
on your front door
all things you did
to hurt a woman
i no longer want
to force you out
of your closet
your favorite place
to hide from yourself
i no longer want
to fuck you into
submission
see how it feels
pull you out of your
skin and cut out
your beating black heart
see how it feels
i no longer go home
and only see your face
i suppose that must mean
holy fucking shit
i think i might
finally be over you
about god damned time

Posted by Jessica Englund at 07:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

take a picture, it'd last longer
i'm trying to find a photo
to fit my every mood
a visual depiction of my soul
for all who wish to see
perfection: impossible to obtain
yet always the ultimate goal
'i look fat in this one
that one's no good either
look how i'm smiling
i look so ridiculous'
i am well aware of
what you think of me
i discredit you for those thoughts
i bet you didn't know
that i have fooled you all
into thinking something other
than you believe i am
it's all an illusion
you're just scared to admit it
go ahead and keep thinking
you've got me all figured out
i'll keep fucking with your head
and use you some more
you see, the thing is,
i'm actually an awful person
i have no intentions for you
i refuse to feel bad for
anything that happened
however, i also refuse
to think about it any more
than a moment on the drive home
i'm such an angry woman
yes, its true, i'm one of those
i'm nice merely to get my way
i'm submissive and small
merely to make you think
that you have all the control
when in actuality i have you
wrapped around my finger
blinded by these illusions
of who i want you to think i am
my worst fault might be
my lack of good judgment
for that i apologize
i didn't have to drag you in so far
but i missed contact
(and i hate you for taking advantage)
now that i've received it
i can begin the process
of erasing and forgetting
and now i know why
i cannot find that perfect photo
there is no way to find a picture
that demonstrates my essence
when i am an illusion

Posted by Jessica Englund at 05:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

you cannot lay claim
to my art, my soul
merely because you
see yourself in me

Posted by Jessica Englund at 05:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)