Aspects of Being
why are you so intoxicating
that i become drunk of
rage and curiosity
and no matter the need
to look away from your façade
i find that i've been staring
damnit now i'm blushing
i've led you on again
and by now you'd think
you would understand
i'm just not interested
you have surpassed my limits
and on those i do not waver
don't make me say no again
there is no other option, yes
merely the negative
in its own glory of disappointment
i revel in those moments
shining brighter every time
i have been passively searching
for quite some time
my lack of aggressivity
demonstrates my love of the hunt
rather than the kill
i am not interested in spoils
merely the journey to nowhere
but how do you explain
your own irrationalities
to such a rational hope
their need to be found
when you want to just look
roll your eyes and suspend
your obligation to be nice
what on earth could you
possibly need from me
i am the last one to follow
in a time of distress
i will continue to tread
that path i laid for myself
regardless of your plans
it's funny i guess
how little i think of myself
and yet my ego seems
to continually expand
maybe i think that i'm
better than you but
everyone is better than me
i wonder why no one believes me
that i really wouldn't want it
any other way: alone
i don't want to wake up
and see someone else
i don't want to come home
to greet a stranger
i don't want to skip ten years
and become a mother
i like things the way
i've created them
my own space
and my own terms
i don't see
whats wrong with that
so take your intoxicating eyes
and your swaggering ego
and leave me to me
because i don't want to know you
and you will never understand
who i truly am
these little coordinated ideas
will not offer you insight
it is my projected self
and merely a puzzle piece
i have left the others
scattered around my world
hidden in my mistakes
and my successes
how do you gather
the diverse and
randomly scattered
aspects of your being
together,
a multiplicity of
colors, sounds, and shapes,
in order to present
the illusion
of your whole self?