Take What You Need
i'm almost there
just about to
let someone else in
but i cannot seem
to release these demons
that haunt my every turn
what do you want
just take what you need
and leave me be
i want nothing more
than to sit and cradle
my broken pieces
these futile attempts
to bring it all back
with super glue
and imagination
one of these days
i will understand
what happened and
why i cannot go back
to the way things were
i don't miss it, you know
i'm staring out
the window again
allowing these chords
to flow through my veins
as i force myself
to imagine something
anything but this
what if i'm just fooling myself
what if this is all i want
all i need: to sit and write
observe worlds
and recreate their existences
in my own context
similar to recognizing
through the silhouettes
the way your body moves
you can claim that beauty
that is only yours
and realize what it is
that you really are
even through blurred vision
these fuzzy edges
that give such sincere dimension
to the unanswerable
questions filtering
amongst my thoughts
offering little guidance
and grand expanses
words have always been
my lovers
those that i can control
and submit to
humankind is my weakness
i cannot bend reality
around my phrases
take what you need
and leave me be
these demons hide
within the walls of my heart
waiting impatiently
for a slip in consciousness
to invade my processes
and attack my pulsations
pull me down into the past
and relive those emotions
take what you need
and leave me be
i have little desire
for these organs
here, take my tissues
atrophy these muscles
but leave my thoughts
and all my blood
for that is what keeps me woman
that which makes me attack
my own senses
deconstruct my synapses
and question my essense
paint me with these questions
and slit me red
you may find the answers
in the pools at my feet
sink your fingers
into this medium
and write me a love letter
on my kitchen floor
i have laid down everything
for what you request
sitting cross legged
six inches above my chair
i cannot tell you how
to interpret what you see
it must be something you
discover for yourself
what you see in me
is never what i think
this is the way it is
and will always be
i don't miss it, you know
take my body and bend it
to where you would desire
take these extensions of soul
and rewrite them to your will
i have never expected more
of these demons i've found
in everyone i see
there is nothing more to do
than give in to the masters
for as they commence
the process of annihilation
i turn to dust in their hands
and scatter in the wind
that is the retribution
of the self as phoenix
you are reborn into
that which the masters
cannot touch
bodies built of fire
and bleeding flames
i have moved far
from your reach
into the caste you will not destroy
we are the untouchables
recreating the beauty
you could never own
we flow freely
through these streets
hidden behind our status
but look closer, you see
we would burn your heart
through a single glance
take what you need
and leave me be
i want nothing more
than to sit and cradle
my broken pieces
there is little to connect
these philosophical
disturbances and the continuity
of my delicate emotions
confusion has led me
to such an impasse
i cannot contemplate tonight
these queries of reality
versus my twisted illusions