June 29, 2005
For the most part, the paper on diets and well-balanced eating used formal language. She didn't use profanities, rarely used slang, and stayed away from generic wording.
The main part of her paper that was not formal was her use of "you." That can be seen on the top of page 2, and other places. The paper would have been stronger with out this, and she definitely could have found another way to word it.
I would also suggest to her to watch certain phrases that seem informal. Her use of exclamation points in the first paragraph, to phrases later on in the paper seem to make her seem under educated on the subject, which probably isn't the case.
Asking questions so often in the paper got kind of old. Instead of asking so many questions, she could have just gotton to the point.
Overall, this was a pretty strong paper. Her language was formal, a good use of vocabulary, and got her ideas across.
Posted by grif0214 at June 29, 2005 11:25 AM