A Daily Dose

So I decided to take the "Prager Challenge" this might be an utter failure but at least I tried....

Becoming "fused" with another individual is more challenging as a young adult than someone say middle aged or older because as a young adult your whole reputation is based on the identity that you present to others. Young adults form opinions about each other from various settings and situations, however the main opinion, the main aspect of a person that young adults look at is their reputation. When individuals chose to be in a relationship, they form a reputation separate from the one they had prior to the relationship. Their reputation becomes part of each other's personality and characteristics. Individuals are usually aware of this before they enter into a serious relationship and so the challenge of making this union is more complicated and more difficult because the individuals are more protective of their own reputation. Individuals will do anything to protect their own ego and their own reputation and that includes not letting their guard down. So I dont think there is necessarily an "attraction" of losing part of your personality but more so a fear. I think most young adults are terrified to lose part of their personality, something that they fought so hard to discover. Since their personality is still evolving and emerging, losing part of it when a relationship ends will make things much harder and much more confusing for that individual. If they identified with their partner for the duration of their relationship and all of a sudden that person is gone, then so is that part of their life, that part of their personality, and that part of themselves. Getting into a serious relationship at a younger age is putting a lot more on the line. Individuals are risking losing who they are at that age rather then what they are.

I think that it would be easier to share or lose your identity when it is not fully developed, because then you do not know that you are missing or losing it. When you are in a relationship before you know who you are then you "feed" off of each other. You get to gain another form of a identity and do not have to work on your own which could turn out alot different than you want it to, especially in adolesence. This could also make it harder to move on from the relationship, because you are so much a part of it, but that sometimes helps people develope their own identity because they no longer want to be associated with the other person. It is easier to pretend to be someone you are not when you do not know who you are.

Wow, this blog definietly touched close to home. Coming from a very serious, long term relationship I can honestly say the thought of being “fused� with my significant other came up a lot towards the end of our relationship. I had a hard time not knowing if I was ready to become committed to someone without losing or having to give up a part of who I am. I strongly feel like it is harder for SOME young adults to be comfortable with being connected or so close with their partner because they are still learning or finding out who they are. I was once told, “What can you give to someone else, that you don’t have yourself�. And I think that is where most young people and maybe even older adults struggle with relationships, because this dilemma does not come up very often until you’re past the “dating (boyfriend/girlfriend) stage�. I think a lot of people play with the idea of being in a relationship when things are going good and they are at that flirty/butterflies stage, because it is easy to get caught up in those moments. So this is where I think it’s harder for young adults because we are still curious and don’t necessarily have to think too far ahead or worry about losing a part of our personality if we don’t want to. When I say that I mean young adults still have the leeway of just dating, where as older adults might be at another stage in their life when it is time to think about settling down. This is definitely different for every person.

In young adulthood it is challenging to keep ground of the “I� in the relationship without losing yourself in the “we� when one or both partners do not know how to communicate, or implement the necessary changes in becoming more independent. As a person reaches their middle to late adulthood, they have, theoretically, developed the ability to distinguish themselves and maintain their personality in a relatively similar state throughout their day-to-day life. In my experiences, I found it rewarding to pick up the traits of my partner I thought I was lacking, or at least associate myself with them; this made me feel closer to my partner knowing that we were alike and could relate to one another. It was easy to neglect myself and focus on him because I was unsure of how to develop my personality; he was a well of ideas / feelings / traits that I could draw from, an example I could follow. I also had a hard time regulating myself; my significant other was my stabilizing point. For me, the attraction was not losing my personality, but rather not having to spend the time and energy in finding it.

Many young adults are striving to build their identity, be it by joining a club or group, choosing a major in college or figuring out their political beliefs. Perhaps part of the reason young adults desire to be in a relationship even though they may risk part of their identity fading is due to nature. Physically, young adults are at a prime age to settle down and have children. Perhaps nature draws them together to achieve this purpose. Many young adults have a desire to know and be known by someone intimately. The relationship then becomes part of their identity like anything else they do or are involved with. And as the relationship grows over time it may grow such that the couple may desire to raise children together, and that in and of itself will become an integral part of their identity, now as parents.

The prager challenge!