A Daily Dose

Here are some comments I made on a recent writing sample in which the student was trying to define and incorporate attachment with love styles:

Okay, next thing to do is to think of three real life examples or relationships in which you would suspect that someone was securely attached, avoidantly attached and ambivalently attached. I know you only see secure or maybe ambivalently attached as relevant to your life, but you still need to integrate examples into your definition in order to make your definition come alive (Integration).

Then, read my emails about reflecting on the relevant examples to observe your own thoughts, feelings, actions in those examples (probably secure & ambivalent). Of course, then you might wonder about why you have this style (insights about yourself, your tendencies, challenges, etc.) based upon those reflections.
Then, your Application stuff.

Now, to your question about love styles. Yes, include whatever love styles help you think about various concepts. If I were you, I would also try to link either attachment or anxiety or projection (or rejected self since that's the part of you that you might discover based on others' perceptions) with other concepts. In other words, how does your attachment style or beliefs about yourself and others affect the type of boundaries you have? Or whether you tend to end up in fission, fusion or fizzle relationships? Or you could go with anxiety and talk about how that's an obstacle to staying connected or using one of the 3 types of communication skills.

Are love styles important? Yes, but your love style(s) are based on your deeper emotional needs as a person. So, you can talk about your love style preferences, but this TENDS to be an OTHERS-focused discussion. If you can identify how attachment, anxiety, etc. are evident in your relationships, then you may have a better chance of your paper being SELF-focused. The entire course is geared toward helping us shift from thinking that only other people are at fault when we struggle with intimacy. If we can begin to identify our part of these processes, then we can use that self-awareness to make positive changes.

Interpersonal communication is very important in a relationship. It helps build the relationship stronger.

By talking about your concerns in the relationship, it will give each of you the chance to hear each other. It will be very important to consider each other's opinions or ideas. Then if you talk about your problems, you can both talk about how to solve it.

Interpersonal communication will help you both understand each other and can clear doubts in your mind. It will also help you realize your faults, not just your partner's.

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Excellent. I hope to send you some samples soon!

Are you still doing this?