A Daily Dose

Okay, if you're really daring, then you're willing to brave the Prager Challenge, a mountain of reflection.
Prager cites research that suggests that young adults are still developing their identity. Specifically, she says:
"Becoming part of a couple and being recognized as such by others can also shape young adult identity (Troll, 1985)...young adults may identify vicariously with their partners' attributes or accomplishments (Beach, Mendolia & Tesser, 1992) or with one another's affiliations...Becoming a couple also carries with it the risk of losing certain parts of one's identity, however [e.g. the process of 'dwindling' for some women]" (Prager, 1995, p. 132).

So, this question involves some synthesis of concepts already discussed and your own gut's wisdom gleaned from observing others and your own relationships. Why is becoming "fused" with another person (or adopting some aspects of their personality / interests / feelings) more challenging in young adulthood than it might be in middle or late adulthood? In other words, what is the attraction of losing part of your personality even if that personality is still evolving and emerging? Give it your best guess.

Posted by Gregg Schacher at 9:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

Lerner talks about the challenge about maintaining intimacy over the life span. She points out in the story of Adrienne that anxiety gets in the way of feeling intimate, especially when job stress or family legacies (of becoming distant when under stress) make direct confrontation of sensitive issues very difficult and limits the ability to think of different choices. Lerner says: "Wouldn't it be nice if 'insight' automatically led to change? Typically it does not. Understanding the roots of a problem is not the same as knowing HOW to solve it."

Either using Adrienne's story or some other relevant experiences answer these 2 Q's:
Why can't we change (typically) if we make some important discoveries about why we act/feel a certain way in relationships?
If focusing on self for change does NOT involve becoming self-centered on one's own accomplishments or enhancement (p. 68), what DOES it involve and how does that promote intimacy between two people??

Posted by Gregg Schacher at 9:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Reactions to reading Prager, K. J. (1995) The Psychology of Intimacy?

Posted by Gregg Schacher at 4:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

What are some reactions you have to reading Lewis, et al. (2000) A General Theory of Love?

Posted by Gregg Schacher at 4:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (11) | TrackBacks (0)