Problems with changes?
What is a drawback or challenge of trying to reverse / change a family relational pattern experienced while growing up? For example, if you grew up with family members who frequently drank alcohol and you declare that you will never drink as an adult, what might be one complication with that approach to change?
Especially if we consider that change made out of anxiety (reactivity to one's family as Lerner would put it) often replicates somehow that very thing it hopes to change! An example of this is a shy person who berates themselves for being shy and declares that they will REFUSE to be shy anymore and then the next conversation where they're talking to someone attractive they are now anxious that they'll be shy as they have been in the past in spite of their recent declaration and so they become distracted from the conversation and then stammer and say something awkward and then begin to act in such a way that their anxiety eventually drives the other person away. The result? They become more intensely shy than before, only now there is a lot of shame around efforts to change.
So, again, what's the challenge of changing some family relational pattern as an adult?