Always one for personal reflection, I’ve decided to keep this week’s work VERY close to home. It was really fun to reflect and process all of this. I didn’t even know most of this was going on until I considered it through the lens of this class!
Setting: The blog that my husband and I created to share our experiences during his deployment. (www.djiboutijames.blogspot.com)
Tasks: I am part of the group I am studying, so I will refer to myself often and will include personal experiences and reflections. Over the past three weeks, my husband and I have both posted to the blog, and our friends and family have read and some have posted comments as well. When this assignment came up, I didn’t really want to do Facebook or MySpace. I did want to find out if people liked the “It’s Africa Hot in Here� blog, but since it’s a little self-centered to ask for feedback on your own blog, I didn’t want to directly ask (I am a feedback hound though). This assignment was the perfect opportunity to learn about how people are using and enjoying (or not) the blog. I’m also curious if the targeted audience has been keeping up with the posts and our story. (Sneaky, I know—I’m sly like that). The targeted tasks included the following:
1. Reflect on the purpose for the blog
2. Consider the posts and the information shared
3. Look at who is posting comments and what information is in those comments
4. Ask others why they read but choose not to post
5. Talk to the ‘readers’ and ‘posters’ about their experiences and reasons for visiting
6. Reflect on how the purpose for the blog and the current use and purpose are similar or different.
1. The purpose of the blog was to allow our friends and family to know our deployment story. We didn’t want to have to tell the same story several times over; we wanted a central clearing house for information about the deployment that was fast, jointly controllable, and central to all of our family and friends who are scattered about the country. We are also people who enjoy sharing stories and have a fairly clear sense of style to our writing. I wanted to have a journal of this experience as well. I think also, looking back, I see that I needed to have an outlet for this experience. There is an odd balance between wanting to shout from the rooftops that you are in this situation being fiercely proud of your spouse and knowing that this is an intensely private and individualized experience that cannot truly be shared—only empathized with. There is comfort knowing you can bring people in on a controlled level. We announced the blog site on a little card in our wedding “thank you� cards, so over 100 invitations to the blog went out!
2. To date, there have been 12 posts, 9 from Lisa and 3 from James. The topics mostly include what has happened and how the timeline played out leading up to this point. It is interesting to note that there is more emotion coming from James’ posts than from Lisa’s. This is EXACTLY opposite to how life usually works. There are reasons for this that I am only now reflecting on. The reason that he has more emotions in his post is because I am letting him take the lead on most of this. I am new to the military (having only been a Navy wife for two months) and still learning. I also didn’t want to give away too much to our friends and family until I knew where he was with information sharing. The posts are beginning to change in tone as we both explore the blog as a tool for communication and cathartic purposes. Once James started openly ‘loving’ on the blog and talked about ‘breaking down’ when he deployed, the boundaries for allowable topics was expanded. Most of the blogs continue to be about events and how we perceive them from different ends. Only recently have I begun to talk about myself in relation to this experience and not just report on James’ activities as reported by him.
3. There have been 19 posts from 5 people thus far. To my knowledge, there have been at least 11 other people who read the blog regularly but do not comment when they read. I will explain this phenomenon in the next section. The comments are words of support and encouragement to James and Lisa. They are from James’ twin sister, Lisa’s sister, Lisa’s mom and James’ best friend. The comments also have a personal touch, and it is interesting to watch the dynamic of each relationship find a place on this medium.
James’ sister is very literal and shares information from her own experiences trying to make our situation better. Her posts are directed at both James and Lisa, and when asked, she says she likes commenting “because I like to make sure [they] know that I am thinking of them and that they have support from the other people. I am a Navy wife too and know what this experience is like.� Her support is welcomed by both of us, but it is frustrating when her literal understanding leads to oversights. When James and I write, we are a bit dry and sarcastic. This is lost on Aimee sometimes; this is one way the medium fails for some people. She thinks she gets it and is making comments to be helpful, but she is missing the point and may be making one of us feel stupid in some way because we are being ‘taught’ something that was a joke to begin with.
The posts from Lisa’s sister and mom are also personalized and match the dynamic shared between James and that person. I like reading these because I know the relationships really well. When asked, Lisa’s sister said she left a comment “because I don’t have another way to contact James right now. I’m sure he’s stressed out and busy, so it’s fun to send him a little inside joke to brighten his day.� This is true of all the posts. They all have an ‘inside’ piece of humor. I did not expect this to happen, but it has been wonderful to see! James has enjoyed it a lot as well.
There has only been one comment from a guy on the post. It is from James’ best friend. He said he has been busy and only just started reading the posts. James was really excited that his friend finally commented; I he James was beginning to feel ‘unloved’ that so many people weren’t reading the blog. I know that there are many people reading the blog, but they aren’t commenting. More on that in the next section.
4. As I mentioned before, there are at least 11 people who I know to be reading the blog on a regular basis who are not posting any comments. Many of these people are Lisa’s co-workers or cousins who are not really close to the couple. When asked why they aren’t posting, one of Lisa’s co-workers said “I don’t really know James very well, so it doesn’t seem to make much sense to say anything, but I like to keep up with what’s going on.� One of Lisa’s cousins said, “It’s wonderful that we can be in touch like this, but I don’t want to put information on the internet.� These two comments sum up a lot of what I heard when asking this question of the ‘non-posters.’ Many of them are unsure who this blog was designed for and are hesitant to join in the discussion until they are clear on the guidelines and who is a ‘member.’ I have sought to clarify this, but the phenomenon is interesting to me. We meant for this to be open and free flowing, but it still seems to be governed by some social rules that exist in face-to-face relationships as well. People who read the posts seem to see themselves as asking ‘how are you’ to the couple, but they are content not to reply for themselves or not sure what to say. I would like more people to read and post because, as I mentioned earlier, James equates readers with posters, and I want him to feel supported!
5. All of the readers and ‘posters’ are motivated a few common factors. I sent out an e-mail to them asking about their experiences, reasons for stopping by and posting/not posting, etc. The responses were really fun and interesting. The most common reasons were (in order) 1. Curiosity about how things are going 2. Feeling like it is a ‘soap opera’ that they are invested in (same comment from others, but this was the best wording, ha!) and 3. Wanting to show support. It’s great that the purposes mostly match the reasons that people read. They do share a common goal/experiences, but how they experience the site and their level of interaction with it seems to be controlled by normal social interactions (if you do not know the person well, you casually listen but do not pry. If you are close, you get involved and interact). This has been really fascinating for us to watch!
6. All in all, the 3 weeks this blog has been up and running have been very successful and fun. It seems that it is catching on among our friends and family. The original purposes for the blog still hold true, but I am finding that James and I are filtering our experiences in different ways through the blog. Only a small piece of what really happens makes it onto the blog. I have enjoyed getting to share the inside thoughts of the man I married with so many others. James is a quiet man, so it is fun for others to see his wit and humor (traits I see often)! I am learning that this blog is a way to be honest and still keep boundaries. People at work and friends in general do not refer to the blog when in person. It seems to exist as a separate place and does not currently make it to the ‘real world’ of conversation. Sometimes I am glad for this, but sometimes I think one of the purposes for the blog was for people to keep up and recognize the need for discourse as a means of processing. Perhaps that has turned out to be the biggest blessing from this blog. People are able to see what is going on, and we are able to boil down the day to the most basic pieces leaving the private pieces to be dealt with off-screen. The blog has become its own community in some ways, and I truly look forward to continuing to interact with it and to see how it grows and changes as this experience progresses!!