January 27, 2005

***This blog has been re-launched at: blog.GlowWordBooks.com

Bus Woos

How do you position yourself on the bus so that you only get to sit next to people who you want to sit next to? Choosing your seat on a bus is a really tough decision. Often times, the clientele ranges from the loud smelly guy who keeps on muttering about cheese under his breath to the knock-out girl who takes your breath away, turning your brain to cheese. There is nothing worse than smelling three day old tuna as Meg Ryan walks past you to the back of the bus.

  • Tip 1 If you’re moderately attractive, sit next to the attractive girl. YOU ARE DOING HER A FAVOR. Be sure you remind her that you are saving her from the cheeseman. Women love a night in shining armor who is here to save them. Remember, you are performing this self-less act for her.
  • Tip 2 If you are the first person on the bus, make sure you have a prop that can be used to ward off creepy smellweirds. I personally use my backpack. I sit at the front of the bus where I can see who is getting on before they get on. If a group of no-good hooligans is getting on, I put my backpack next to me and dig through it so that nobody will ask me to move my stuff. I'm already moving my stuff around and there is no room for them. If I see an attractive gaggle of women about to embarking on the glories of pub(l)ic transportation, I put the backpack on my lap and scoot all the way against the window so there is plenty of room for them to plant their rumpus next to me.
  • Tip 3 Scooting is a great way to deter seat snatchers. If you only leave someone 1/3 of a seat instead of 1/2, they will move on and try to find an easier seat to snatch. But through scooting, you can also leave someone 5/9th of a seat to make it a more attractive offer. Best yet, scooting is dynamic and can easily be adjusted as multiple people from the same stop enter the bus (unlike the prop, which can only be adjusted once per stop--see tip 2)
  • Tip 4 Finally, know your route. Sometimes the bus will stop in front of the married student mega-complex.... that can get mega-complicated, mega-quickly, so just park your backpack isle-side. But other stops feature students, bar flies, machinists or macaroni enthusiasts... know what you like and where to find them.

Posted by hans1995 at January 27, 2005 3:48 PM