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Sergeant Firelog

Today I stumbled upon the biggest damn turd I've ever seen. It peaked above the water a good 3 inches and sat down into the bowels of porcelain at least 5 inches. Its girth surpassed a D battery. It was the kind of turd you wanted to show a friend and wonder in awe about what kinds of food can produce such a beast. The last time I saw such a marvel, my freshman roommate was pulling me into the dorm bathroom, where we stood in silent deference more deafening than the strains of defecation that gave birth to Sergeant Firelog.