Fall on me, big man

I always ride the sideways seats on the bus because I need the leg room. Today a gigantic heap of muscle lunged down in the row behind me (the next row facing straight ahead). He was macho, well-built and even tougher than Ford-Tough (Roosevelt-Tough?). His clothes were baggy and gangsta'-ish (which must have been a shopping nightmare since he looked like an XL to begin with). Unfortunately, he was leaning WAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay forward and crowding MY space.

The bus came to a semi-abrupt-but-still-in-the-range-of-normal stop and this big lug of a man tips over and onto my backpack which is resting on my lap. He was the disobedient child and I was the father figure who just issued an "on my lap" now for a spanking.

I never spanked the brute with a big stick or otherwise, but I worried for the next 10 minutes about whether he crushed my lunch. I didn't have the courage to rummage through my bag on the bus. Even if he smooshed my almond chicken, there was nothing I could do about it until I got back to my office... brief eye contact with him was enough to make me cry...