September 21, 2006

jeanetic paranoia

closejea.jpg

[utopian setup]
 i'm can't bring "anything" back, but i do want to push schlumpy out and this determination spearheaded a quest for the perfect jeans--a quest which recently dropped me in a retro (see: "used") clothing store where i left with the illusive denim dragon slayed and wrapped neatly in his plastic bodybag.

[introduction of problem]
i haven't had time to wash them and they've been burning a whole in the pockets of my other pants... so i did it. i wore used jeans without washing them. all day long my legs have itched. i have felt spiders crawling into my socks. i check myself for ticks every hour. i've googled diseases/infections/infestations that love denim. and i throw-up a little each time i smell their pugnant vintage aroma. in fact, i may be typing this in my office, pantsless.

[a surprising, yet inevitable resolution]
anyone care to mambo? i need something to wisk my mind off her feet.

Posted by steveh at September 21, 2006 01:01 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Perfect jeans are made, not purchased. Funny thing: by the time a pair reaches maximum comfort, they are almost ready for retirement.

Posted by: Underblog at September 22, 2006 10:31 AM

Through aisles of cast off clothing
I searched for perfect jeans
When the odor of these old denims
Made my nose begin to sing!

Smell these pants?

(boom boom boom)

Are they just right? They seem like real good buys!

(boom boom boom)

Smell these pants?

(boom boom boom)

Shall I hope they can outlast my old Levis?

(boom boom boom)

Whose threads were these before?
Did he thrill or did he snore?

Was he a coy snake charmer
or some North Dakota farmer?

Is there some risk of some harm or
Will they make my life a 5 alarmer?

(boom boom boom)

On the clear understanding that good
kind of things can happen
I'll take the chance!

Smell these pants!
Smell these pants!
Smell these pants!

Posted by: Lee Wrangler at September 22, 2006 09:56 PM

its all in your head

Posted by: Jonneke at September 23, 2006 11:12 AM

underblog: that means good jeans are also like my average posts.... ideas that were ready to be put down, at the end of their usefulness, horses previously subjected to flogging. (sigh) i'm ready for retirement (boom boom boom).

Posted by: gb at September 24, 2006 10:59 PM

you had me at "pantsless"...

Posted by: andy at September 25, 2006 04:16 PM

(boom boom boom) makes much more sense after listening to Shall We Dance?

Posted by: gb at September 28, 2006 10:01 AM

Annotated guide to Lee Wrangler's Post

Lee Wrangler (Pseudonym?) has posted lyrics plausibly derived from "Shall We Dance", in the Broadway and film Musical "The King and I". The title exploits the description of denim jeans in GB's blog post as having a markedly "pungent aroma".

"The King and I is a musical by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, with a script based on the book Anna and the King of Siam by Margaret Landon. The plot comes from the questionable autobiographical story of Anna Leonowens, who became school teacher to the children of King Mongkut of Siam in the early 1860s." (Wikipedia)

Abridged Lyrics:

Shall we dance?
On a bright cloud of music shall we fly?
Shall we dance?
Shall we then say "Goodnight and mean "Goodbye"?
Or perchance,
When the last little star has left the sky,
Shall we still be together
With are arms around each other
And shall you be my new romance?
On the clear understanding
That this kind of thing can happen,
Shall we dance?
Shall we dance?
Shall we Dance?

Wrangler has gratuitously added "Boom Boom Boom" to represent the orchestral musical beats of the waltz melody. In the original recordings, the booms booms booms, are usually from instrumental and not percussion players.

Posted by: Clifford Notes at September 30, 2006 10:44 PM
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