Jorge y la insignia de oportunidad perdida

The last two days, Jorge has missed the bus and driven past us to catch it at a later stop. Today the driver noticed that his name badge had fallen off before he entered the bus. (How did he notice? Perhaps he stares everyday too?!?) The driver yelled back to tell Jorge, but Jorge didn't hear him.... I came THIIIIIIIIIS close to getting up, grabbing his badge and taking it back to him. Instead, I let the bus driver yell again, "Sir! Hey, Sir!" And with those three simple words, I watched my best opportunity to descubrir his name vanish like the silent J of Quijote...

Don Quijote

Don Quijote rides la mancha of Spain slaying every dreaded candy corn that dares to cross his path. But the plague of soft-textured honey snacks proves to be too much for our hero.... opening the door for ill-conceived sugar chews every where to invade the free world.

Nunchucks

Back when I was a kid, my favorite ninja turtle was Michaelanago because he got to fight with nunchucks. I made a pair by rolling up newspaper (the chuck) as tight as possible around the ends of a string I had woven from five pieces of yarn (the nun).... then I encircled the chuck with duct tape to keep the newspaper from unrolling during combat... a common problem young samari often faced before the invention of ducts and subsequently duct tape. I always liked the nunchucks because when you were playing ninja turtles you never had to run after your friends... you could throw the nunchucks and trip them pretty easily. Although I threw worse than a no-armed dwarf, it was still less humiliating than running.

Jorge likes it cold

Jorge
Everyday near the St Paul campus, there is a young gentleman who dashes at the last minute from the car he just parked to catch my bus. Usually he makes it and then sits behind me a few rows. I've always called him Jorge, but I also want to know what his real name is. Today he sat directly in front of me on the sideways seats and I noticed his name badge well hung in the crotch-al region of his body. It was tough to read the badge and I didn't want to stare, but I also wanted to know his name.... I'm afraid I stared too long and still didn't find out his name... and you can't just ask for the name after an encounter like that....

Likes it Cold
I just finished a bottle of Ceasar dressing and wanted to put more on my salad, but my only other bottle was warm. I can't handle warm Ceasar dressing. The flavor changes and I would rather eat nearly-plain lettuce than break open a warm bottle of Ceasar dressing.

Fauxreo

Recently, Underblog tried to pass off these imitation Oreos for the real thing. What kind of monster does he think I am? The chalky black powder has obviously inferior milk-holding-capacities. And the gross frisbee of sugar-lard had an off-mint after taste. As he likes to say, "I am completely abhorred by this!!!!"

P.S. Thanks to Underblog for the title of this entry... what he lacks in oral hygiene he makes up for in wit... sometimes...

P.P.S. We've been working on an organizational chart of candy. Hopefully it will be available before the May Day candy rush....

Easter Eggs

Today on the bus, the princess in pink with her fuchsia knit bag sat right next to a girl in neck-to-knee lime green. My eyes watered as if the two of them had been soaking together in a vinegar Easter-egg bath all morning.

Certificate of Completion

I love certificates of completion. If I can take a test in something, get certified and then drop it like a fat girl with the plague.... I will! Throughout my life I have acquired many computer certifications, amateur radio certifications, scuba diving certifications, CPR certifications, swimming certifications and now I am looking at a 10 week improv comedy class, which would end, of course, with a certificate of completion.

Blogs, unlike books, never have a completion.... which is why I think I have a hard time posting. I did very well posting until I had more comments than Underblog's old site.... which in a way was a certificate of completion. Once I had as many comments as him, I knew I could make it in the blog world if I wanted to.

Squeaky Deakey

I recently got a mix CD from a friend. Next to the title Watch Your Step was the description that this song "seems to appear on a disproportionate number of my mix tapes/cds." Today, I wanted to share with you a song that appears on a disproportionate number of my mix CDs.... it's great for romance mixes, party mixes or when you simply feel down and out: Squeaky Deakey

Learning to Read

On Friday's bus ride home I met a 50 year old guy who is illiterate... and to be quite honest I feel strange writing about him. His step-daughter was learning how to read, so he wanted to stay one step ahead of her. I give him the courage award for going back to school after a 35+ year break (and even more props for currently using a Windows 3.1 machine.... this guy has a lot of balls even if he doesn't look like Lisa Loeb). He kept asking me what I did at the University and I tried to explain my very complicated job supporting the department's computer infrastructure.... a daunting task that not even my co-worker has been able to grasp after working closely with me for 8 months... but the more I tried to explain, the more insistent he got asking how many students I teach. Finally, I agreed that I am a teacher just so he could continue his story about not reading. End of class.

Omaha or Bust

Last night in the shower, I mentally packed my suitcase: three hawaiian shirts, six changes of underwear, some socks, my lucky tweed scrunchy and a black, leather toiletries bag. Everyone at the U is talking about upcoming Spring Break vacations and I've caught a bad case of the travel fever. However, due to time and economic limitations ($430 for a weekend flight to surprise my mom on her vacation away from the family in FL or $300 for roundtrip-service-with-a-Saturday-Night-stay to NYC), I'm afraid the best holiday I could come up with was a non-stop-action three-day-road-trip to Omaha.

Mmm & Mmm

This afternoon I tried Shermanilla's technique for eating M&Ms. Since I was in a high-light environment, some adjustments had to be made.

1. I dumped my bag of M&Ms on a sheet of paper and arranged them in horizontal lines M side down with the longest row furthest from my body. Stop and marvel at the chocolate abacus.
   • 20 Blues
   • 12 Oranges
   • 8 Greens
   • 6 Reds
   • 5 Yellows
   • 4 Browns
   • As you will notice, a strange convergence emerges. The writing on the back of the bag has M&M propoganda written in different lines of color. Blue is on the top, followed by orange, green and yellow. This is exactly the proportion of M's inside the bag. (!)
2. When eating an M, always take one from the longest row. If two rows are tied, eat one from the row that initially had fewer. Shermanilla is correct that the most exciting time is when all rows are equal.

3. Since I only had 1 M in my mouth at a time, I made sure to chew each M 7 times for a total of 385 chews per bag or roughly 1.6 chews per calorie.
   

This method was extremely fun, but Shermanilla's drive for OC is obviously stronger than her obsession for chocolate. I find that half of the fun of eating M&Ms is having 10 chocolates in your mouth at once. (Such gluttony is not even possible with other chocolates such as Cadburry Eggs.... believe me, I've tried!) Perhaps next time instead of eating one M at a time, I will eat the entire difference of one row to the next in a single gulp. (For example, eating 8 blue Ms at once until both blue and orange are at 12. Then eating 4 blues and 4 oranges until blue, orange and green are all at 8..... once again, the best part of the experience will be when all rows are equal so that you can put the remaining 24 Ms in your mouth.....)

Something Fishy

The other day I woke up dreaming about the latest Internet trend: putting a small picture of a fish at the top of your webpage to designate the type of page it is. (What can I say, I have always been at the forefront of technology.) Today, I chose a Flounder as my fish because (as Sherman pointed out recently) the blog has been floundering.... a sporatic post here.... a slip shot comment there.... nothing like the Golden Age of Generation Bob.

As for my excuse, I don't really have a good one. The best synopsis I can provide is that other projects have been draining more emotional energy than I have. One of many examples was a big screenwriting assignment. We had to pitch a proposal for the script we want to write the rest of the semester. It was only a 2 page assignment, but it would be the outline for everything I do the next 2 months.... not much pressure there!

Fashion Faux Pas

Last night on the bus, I saw someone who had perfectly blended Eric's and my style.... with devistating results. He started with a white shirt (blue ringer-Eric) topped with a blue hoodie(me). That was all fine and dandy I noticed the blue suit coat (Eric) engulfing the blue hoodie. He had kahki pants (me) and an over-one-shoulder bag (Eric). Poor shmuck.

Sergeant Firelog

Today I stumbled upon the biggest damn turd I've ever seen. It peaked above the water a good 3 inches and sat down into the bowels of porcelain at least 5 inches. Its girth surpassed a D battery. It was the kind of turd you wanted to show a friend and wonder in awe about what kinds of food can produce such a beast. The last time I saw such a marvel, my freshman roommate was pulling me into the dorm bathroom, where we stood in silent deference more deafening than the strains of defecation that gave birth to Sergeant Firelog.