More fun than Mayonnaise... or at least equally fun... OK, it's less fun, but you're still reading...
More fun than Mayonnaise... or at least equally fun... OK, it's less fun, but you're still reading...
Every week in a small town many hours from here, a friend of mine buys chicken from her local grocery store. As is common in smaller towns, the same gregarious, chicken lady helps her from the other side of the deli counter. Last week, the chicken lady introduced my friend to her young, attractive niece en route to Minneapolis.
“You’ll love living in the Twin Cities! There are so many young, fun people.”
-Like who? I don’t know anyone there.
“My friend, Steve. He’s going to be a comedian.”
-I love comedy CDs… send him by the record store.
“Certainly. [to the chicken lady] Can I get the usual?”
Today, I ventured to the record store and walked up to the chicken lady’s niece (according to the surprisingly accurate physical description). She was very friendly, but her eyes glazed over with mild concern as I detailed her Friday drive to Minneapolis and the infamous stop at the chicken counter. She had absolutely no idea what I was talking about! After 60 seconds of awkward conversation, I said my good-byes to the chicken lady's niece and let a paying customer approach the register.
Her parting comment proved why she, not I, is fit for sales: “It was really nice of you to stop in. Say ‘hi’ again if you’re in the neighborhood.” It was a polite lie, but it made me smile the whole run back to my car.
Dearest Universe Filled With Readers,
Attention Loyal Fans,
Friends, Family, and Countrymen,
Hey Guys
Underblog: due to an X.500 change I have been blogless for a while. But the Uthink people got me quickly back up and running after I finally reported the problem. Expect more frequent posts.
On Thursday, I ate in uptown before comedy bootcamp... and I loved being there. I walked from my car, to a restaurant, to a grocery store (to pick up Lindt's Lindor Truffles) and then to Calhoon Square. Everything was a little more spread out than NYC, but I loved walking from destination to destination.
The supermarket stock guy was really nice. We talked about candy bars and he told me that Ritter bars from Germany are the new big thing. He can't keep them stocked between weekly shipments.
The Lindor Truffles I chose were excellent. They start out with a light coating of oil that softens your fingers and lips. There is a delicate, semi-sweet "skin" (not exoskeleton) that protects the soft, luscious sphere of fudge. As you squeeze the truffle between the roof of your mouth and tongue, you can feel the skin pop as sweet, silky fudge spills everywhere.... saturating your mouth with chocolate.
I want to become a chocolate connoisseur and know good chocolates from waxy, brown globules. This weekend I picked up a bar of Lindt's semi-sweet chocolate and study the snap as I break off a piece.... the smoothness as it melts on my tongue… and the slightly earthy bite of the cocoa bean peaking through sugary milk solids.
This weekend I came home from an event earlier than anticipated..... and I laid down in the middle of my livingroom.... pitch black.... completely silent.... free of all smells.... and simply relaxed for an hour. It was probably the most contented I have been in ages.
Three consecutive weekends of houseguests/traveling can be tiresome.
Red: Aphid Controlled Zones
Purple: New Aphid Controlled TerritoryThe world waits as heavy fighting continues around Capital City.
The Ivy National Guard launched three major campaigns against the invading A'phid warriors, loosening their grip on the Southern Industrial Park, but failing to reclaim any of the ravished territories. Government officials hope to secure the Industrial Park this weekend so that crews can begin reconstruction next week. No plans have been revealed detailing new city layouts, but top officials have promised modernized infrastructures to the hardest hit regions.
A'phid battleships overtook naval blockades around both the Western Isle and the Eastern Colonies early Monday morning. However no civilians were injured due to a government imposed evacuation.
Last week Underblog and Shermie were kind enough to take me out for dinner under the guise of trying bread pudding. Any dessert whose name starts with a non-sugared item (like bread) makes me a little nervous.... but I have to say that David Famoso whips up some fabulous sweet eats! It certainly doesn't hurt that the entire dish is steeped in a sugary, caramel sauce.... or that it comes with a symmetrical whip-cream/ice-cream spheres.
That night I dreamt that I was grocery shopping and ran into Shermie and Underblog. The eerie thing was we were buying the exact same ingredients because we were both planning on making the identical desserts that night: Scotcheroo Bars, Rice-crispie bars, fudge, cookies, etc. I was so excited that I had finally found someone who thought the way I did about sugar. We were brothers in sugar.
Red: Aphid Controlled Zones
Purple: Catastrophic Structural DamageAfter weeks of planning, Aphids launched a major military campaign against Capital City, killing millions and bringing the city to her knees. The world-renowned Capital City skyline exists only in memory as communication systems, trade routes, sewer systems and power grids were completely demolished throughout the entire Federal District. The southern industrial park was the hardest hit and experts predict weeks before crews will be able to clear the rubble from the country’s once-vibrant heart of production.
Inside sources tell the Ivy Star that Aphids had been planning this attack for years from the Palm Beach region of the Southern Trades. Government officials were aware of heightened Aphid chatter, but had no credible knowledge of specific terror plots.
At 7:00pm tonight the Ivy National Guard launched a counterattack with special Ortho parachute troupers, who will hopefully be able to infiltrate many Aphid strongholds by morning. The National Guard expects to regain control of Capital City by the week’s end.
Fortunately, the Aphids were unable to penetrate the Western Isle and the Eastern Colony’s superior naval defense system. However, as a precautionary measure Ortho Paratroopers have been deployed nationwide.
I hate those little strings (fibrovascular bundles) that stick to bananas. It's like finding a bitter tasting, slightly soluble, long black hair in your banana. Today I began researching banana peeling in hopes of finding a sure-fire method to guarantee a fibrovascular-free dining experience. It turns out that monkeys always peel bananas from the "bottom" of the banana (which is actually the top since bananas grow upwards towards the sky. Bananas are called "fingers" that grow in groups called "hands"). I also learned that Beech Nut hand peels bananas so that that their baby food does not contain bitter fibers.... maybe I should just switch to that...
Last night I was preparing chicken and my little squirrel friend from the forest came looking for handouts. I didn't like giving them to him (because he would forget how to hunt nuts), but I forked some food over anyway because he was so cute.
The next day I registered for Military Boot Camp. I was one of the last people to arrive and was immediately put off that we were sleeping in little tents surrounded by barbwire. Not to mention, they had made everything grungy and muddy like in the movies. Even the sky seemed grayer.
The first activity was an independent hike around the complex. While others were shooting and killing things, I ran across my squirrel friend who had been injured (presumably by military men). Since I had deemed my pink satin pillow as "essential for the boot camp," I put the pillow on the ground and the squirrel climbed on it. I walked back to camp carrying my squirrel on my pillow and told the commander I’m out. I thought he would yell, but he just let me go calmly. (Although there was an undercurrent to his voice that implied anyone who can't make it through registration hour is a real pansy.)
Squirrel and I went back to my house and I finished preparing the chicken dinner (which I had sanitarily stored in the fridge before leaving). The End.
Today on the bus a really tall, butch, young, bald male was holding a book of Victorian Poetry. He dropped his pen, looked around briefly, and either didn't see it or didn't think he dropped something. I wanted to tell him it was just to the right of his shoe, but he was 7 rows away and I would have had to scream it (plus, the bus was full of people).
None of the other passangers seemed to care.... and it was a really crappy, chewed up pen. That's how I justified letting him lose it.... but I still feel bad about his 15c loss.
It feels like a long time since I posted. I have spent most of my spare time relaxing and vegging out. The audition was emotionally taxing and the lack of sleep from the rambunctious neighbors was physically taxing. The good news is the audition was successful and I got in! …which now makes me worried that my life will become to focused.... bootcamp is 4 hours/week.
Yesterday, Mr. Blog and I went to Quiznos for their new chicken milano sub (over 2000 hours of development went into it). It still doesn't beat their classic italian, but it's certainly a "sometimes sandwich". It's nice to see that other people invest 2000 hours into something and all they really have to show is another chicken sandwich. (This shared experience with Quiznos adequately sums up my dating life.)
Last night I was thinking about how Yoda and other Jedi Masters become more powerful only through death. My only hope is that Underblog and Shermie become more entertaining by moving further away.... otherwise I'll be really bored at work without their eSpirit keeping me entertained.