Time to Relax

The improv show was a success! In the green room before the show, I had a hard time believing I would be on stage for a WHOLE HOUR (that's two family guy episodes!). What would I say? What would I do? Jazz hands are only interesting for the first five minutes. But it felt like I walked on stage and then waved goodbye (something many patrons wished I had done). There was something really natural for me about being a golfer with a hook (a pirate's hook, that is). But I've always fallen for a heart-broken Yetti who offered to buy me a drink.

Tonight, I shall sleep like there's no tomorrow. I was wired until 1:30am. Too much sugar. (Peanut M&Ms, Reses Peanut Butter Cups, 7up w/ grenadine, regular M&Ms, mint chocolate chip ice-cream and a backup bag of Peanut M&Ms in case my blood sugar dropped.)

non congruent items

AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I don't have anything to say, so I will just name off random things I have been thinking about saying:

1. I did steal the circus peanuts!! And I ate them! I ate them all! I love them. I've slowly been sucking on them until they are sticky enough to be molded into the form of Ellen. Once it is complete, we shall wed and I will show the real Ellen for stealing my second-TV-wife from me (Portia*De*La*Rossie)
   
2. I did call, shermie, I did! (But she hates The Bell and erased my message so Mr Blog would never call back...)
   
3. Today I tried to pick fights with THREE people, but nobody would fight with me. I just wanted to drive to friend's house, ring the doorbell and then shove them when they answer.... particularly if they don't have a peep-hole. (And by peep-hole, I am not refeering to a mouth). Once I shoved them I would run away and make some juvinile comment about their mother, unless it was true, then I would disparage their grandmother, unless she was no longer with us, and then I would make insinuations about them and a donkey.
   
4. I've gone out of my mind crazy bored. Who knew that Cnn, Bbc, Discover, Economist, Cockeyed and DwarfsMakingPudding.com could eventually be dull.
   
5. Reading SuperStud is like WATCHING A TRAIN WRECK. At first his life was just like mine, but then he outgrew me around chapter three. Now I worry that the rest of my life will turn out like his. I am frantically reading to the end in hopes that there is some moral I can learn. Some way to avoid this destiny. My normally snail-pace reading has increased to armadillo (or armadijo as they say in Argentína).
   
6. I enjoy talking with native spanish speakers on campus. The last two times I have seen them, I told them: "Me gusta dibujar ovejas" y "Cada noche cantaba sobre galletas".
   
7. Got to eat ice-cream with a German native in town for the day. We both ordered mint ice-cream with M&Ms. He said its his favorite, but I wonder if he just copied me because he is incapable of making a decision (like me... I spent 5 minutes taking TV dinners out of freezer section and then putting them back and then looking over the selection I had in my cart... putting them back in the freezer.... i've decided to eat other flavors from Toxic Burn Lasagna. This indecision was after an afternoon of trying on 8 black pairs of sweat pants. I finally decided on one after a re-try proved it was my favorite a second time).
   
8. My stapler ain't got no staples and I think someone used it and didn't refill it. I haven't used my stapler ever since I ran a USB cord threw the middle of it.
   
9. I like being able to sleep when I take Nyquil, but I no longer need to take it for my cold. When I take Nyquil, I only wake up once/night. If I stop taking it, that number will rise to two or three.
   
10. Last night, roommate CAPTAIN IRONING BOARD turned on the A/C before going to bed (outside temp: 50 degrees). Since he had to crank it really low before it kicked in, it never shut off. Woke up in a rainy tundra. Decided to drive to work so I didn't have to walk through the rain. I was already bone cold when i woke up.
    
11. bECAUSE i ALWAYS HAVE LONG POSTS, i AM DOING A SHORT ONE TODAY. tHAT'S ALSO WHY THE CAPITALIZATION IS REVERSED IN THIS SENTENSE. i ALSO WILL NOT SPELL CHECK.
    
12. Tried eating lunch with other techs the last 3 days. Can't find them in the lunch room.... think they moved spots on me. (After reading this post, you probably wonder why? Save those thoughts for the comments section).
    
13. I don't want to do dishes. Made tacos this week. Serrano peppers were hotter than I remembered. I QuIt buying RESER tortillas because they stick in the fridge. I hate half tortillas. Now, I buy the package with the Mexican flag. I watched a public tv documentry about Mexico.... want to go again.... as much as i hate scorpions, being kidnapped/ransomed, hot sun, dry weather, tequilla, mustaches and Mexico City Smog, all the ancient pyramids draw me like a moth to butter. You butter believe it you moth-hair donkey hocker.
    

When to Say Goodbye

As a youth, I was completely crushed when Gary Larson stopped making Far Side cartoons. The world as I knew it came to an end and I quit consistently reading the comics. Why was he depriving the world of his wit, charm and humor? I never understood why the King of Comics would gracefully bow out.

Now I do.

New episodes of the Simpsons started last weekend and I have been dually unimpressed. Last night I found myself getting up during the show to make Tacos (a chore I had planned to do after the show ended). American humor has progressed.... Family Guy is the future of animated comedy and it's time for the Simpsons to bow out gracefully.... or be remembered like Gasoline Alley, Circus Peanuts and Tom Arnold.

Ener....

I am low-energy everyday of my life, which means I slide down to near-coma levels when I am sick. I sat at my computer for 5 hours today, but I swear I just ran a marathon.

The mind is also foggy: I spent 17% more on groceries this week and I am already running dangerously low on beverages (OJ), desserts (cookies) and breakfasts (apples). But I am using Su Doku to try to get back on my feet mentally. I love it. At last, a crossword puzzle I can do.

The Best Part

The best part about having a cold is that you have complete immunity to pick, prod, poke all sections of your face. Usually I have to worry about getting sick if I touch my eye, but for the next 4 days I can go all out.

Sick

I'm at home sick today.... coughing/sneezing/congested/contagious.... I've been sleeping 10-12 hrs/day... and then rotating 2 hours of TV, 1 hour of sleep and 1 hour of some other activity. I guess the only real difference is that I am at HOME today. :)

Starved... or would Pickie have a different hypothosis

I tried having an apple for breakfast, but it was meal-y, so I threw out most of it.

Lunch was Quiznos (no Anthony), but I didn't have dessert or pop. I ate the food outside so there was no way to get refills... and I refuse to buy pop without refills... plus, I am trying to quit pop.

The TV dinner I grabbed was low-cal and far from filling. I barely had time to buy a cheap brownie on the way to rehearsal... which also left me yearning for more....

I came home tonight and ate 4 cookies, a handful of raisins, a spoon of hot fudge (intended for ice-cream) and a bag of peanut M&Ms.

So much for trying to cut back on my sugar intake.

Water Fountains

I was at the water fountain this morning and as soon as I turned the faucet this stuff started spraying up towards my face. Has anyone had a similar experience?

Actually, I was standing next to the fountain (not even bent-over in drinking fashion...). I fill my glass in the water fountain so my head is rarely near the spigot. So, I turn the handle and a fly comes bursting out of the spigot area like a bat out of hell… straight for my eyes! I freaked out because I thought it was water, but then I realized the difference.

It looks like the beginnings of a good day: a delivery man and I bet on which elevator would appear first.... I won and he told me I was lucky. Then I sold a book on half.com (didn't want to sell it on Amazon because everything was $5 cheaper there). I got a gift basket, which I'll blog about later, and 2 emails from fun friends I don't email enough.

Big Screen

Yesterday, after seeing Batman for the 3rd time, I realized that I love watching movies on the silver screen.... the complete blackness, surround sound, the inability to pause the movie.... it's so much better than DVD...

In the name of the org chart of candy, I tried a Hershey's Take 5... caramel, peanut butter, peanuts and pretzels all enrobed in milk chocolate. It was too much. My mouth couldn't figure out what was happening (but not in a good way... like when you have a nice blend of italian spices on chicken). Thank goodness I kept the wrapper so I don't need to eat a second one.

I had a stylized dream the other night where Michael James Fox was playing Superman. He burst out of a building into the rain, looking for his love.... but she was gone. The scene repeated itself 3 more times with him bursting out as Superman..... but that didn't change the fact: she was gone. Not even Superman has the ability to bring back lost love. Such are the ways of the heart.

Send in the Calvary!

Reinforcements have arrived. After being marooned without entertainment for 3-4 weeks, my new co-worker started this week. It’s been too busy to tell if she’ll be interesting during the dry season but she showed hope with a story about wild gypsies that bamboozled her senses, stunned her arm with intoxicating pressure points and then took her wallet. She’s got extremely large shoes to fill, but I have been assured by many that she’s got the large, highly-bunioned feet necessary for the job. Only time will tell.

She made an obscure reference to reading my blog and it was tough to tell if that was a one-time perusal (in hopes of impressing me with knowledge of my life) or if it signifies the first stage of early-onset dementia. Either way: she’s refrained from commenting… it was her birthday today (for which she hung 2 different posters all around our floor)… she sleeps in late when claiming she “needs to go to the bank until 1pm”… and her books will all get wet the first time I water the plants. I am physically incapable of pouring water directly from a crevasse into a pot. Just ask Mayor Eric.

Fire, Earth, Water, Air - II

I had another dream about the elements of earth…

I was playing an amazing civilization building game (like Settlers of Catan or Sid Meier’s Civ) with “generic” friends. There was a tiled board with different types of terrain and we were all drawing cards from a specialized deck of natural resources. As various cards were played, we flipped over two-toned pebbles that were in front of each person.

I had a big pile of deep blue/blue pebbles, which symbolized water cards…. quite a few aquamarine/light green pebbles for air…. and a couple red/tan rocks which alternated between fire and earth depending on which side was up. The game was extremely tranquil and relaxing. Nobody won or lost (unlike the fine game of Hearts where you get to stick someone with Slippery Liz)… everyone was very content and tranquil. I would have loved to keep playing it.

Wedding Photos

This weekend I was the official wedding photamagrapher for a friend. After accepting the gig, I got very nervous because every how-to manual said "leave wedding photographs to the professionals.... or your friend will hate you forever." I'm guessing a pro could have done a better job, but I took about 300 pictures and odds are one of them is nice enough to hang on the wall.

It also felt very strange being "in charge"... telling people where to stand, how to pose, when to smile.... but it was all fantastic practice for improv, where I need much more work being the commanding task-master than the bumbling, humbled buffoon a la Woody Allen.

Batman

I absolutely loved the latest Batman movie. It was an engaging drama that exposed the twisted and troubled psyche of Bruce Wayne. It was the prequel I had always hoped Star Wars I, II or III would be.

I was fascinated by the elaborate plan the villains concocted with the sole hope of making the city tear itself apart.

Sadly, Hollywood does not reflect real life: you don't need months of convoluted scheming to force a city to tear itself apart.... all you need is a flood....

Water you doing?

Menacing surfer ninjas were jumping over my sandbag fortress near a small, seaside main street. Although something like this could sound scary, it was highly stylized and Hollywoodesque. I had tried flinging sand and fire at the ninjas, but nothing stopped their inevitable progress: I was going to die. Then a voice from inside me, or from God (possibly even the director's booth) yelled:

<booming>"Use your sign..... oooooooh...." </booming>

With that, I grabbed my glass of water and threw it in the incoming ninja's face. He was down for the count! I leaped over the sandbag wall and thought about flying to safety, but knew I would never make it.... instead, I dove into the warm, salt-less sea and swam to freedom.

Unfortunately, this is where the evil 8am alarm steps in.