More fun than Mayonnaise... or at least equally fun... OK, it's less fun, but you're still reading...
More fun than Mayonnaise... or at least equally fun... OK, it's less fun, but you're still reading...
I'm dog-sitting this week and driving to work from a different direction. Along the route, I found a condo that looks perfect and it's even for sale (boy do I have good tastes!).
Last night I drempt that my parents and I toured another set of condos I liked.... but we were all disappointed with the helicopter ride, so we decided we would look at the "perfect" condo. I missed the initial turn and we ended up getting all confused with one-ways, dead-ends and strangly-shaped parking lots. So we got out of the car and walked the rest of the way.... it was a maze through restaurants, stores, townhouses, parks.... I knew how to get there, but I never made it before waking up....
I think there must be a metaphor in there somewhere....
Last night I hoped to make a quick trip to grocery store. However, the Rainbow on University was sold out of the first 3 of six items I wanted.... and I really did want them, so I abondoned my cart (the second time this winter) and drove to the Cub 1 block away. I had to pay 10c more for my milk, but they had all my items and my lunches were reduced to 50%.
The pay-by-fingerprint machines are now operational and there are terminals where you can register your fingerprint. I kept my gloves on and quickly buzzed through the checkout line. I thought I'd be able to make it in the express lane, until I realized how many candy bars I'd be adding to my cart upon checkout.
My comedy schedule for February.... I'm still trying to decide if this info is best left as a blog category or as a totally separate blog. Any thoughts?
Sat 2/4, 8pm: Announcer
Sat 2/4, 10:30pm: Player
Thurs 2/9, 8pm: Announcer
Fri 2/10, 8pm: Player
Fri 2/24, 10:30pm: Player
Sat 2/25, 8:00pm: Player
Everyone I have talked to today seems to be stressed out, so I leave you with this scene of cliche, picture-perfect happiness. Please use the comment section to make your own sickeningly cute scenarios:
Four 3-week old kittens sit in a brown wicker basket playing with multicoloured string before yawning and curling up for a nap.
ADDENDUM: Monkeys On Ice
I am house/dog sitting for some relatives and the one thing I have learned about myself while living "alone" these 24 hours: I like my apartment laid out efficiently and practically. I have no time for frilly decorations. I don't want to open a bah-boosh-kah doll just to find my fork.
I took the butter out of it's froo-froo container in the fridge and put it on a plate in the kitchen so it would be warm.
I took the toaster out of it's cozy inside a cupboard and put in on the counter where God intended it.
I laid out my toilettries on the bathroom counter so I could see exactly what I brought with me.
And I rumpled up the nicely made bed.
I walk 5-10 minutes from my bus to the car. Along the route, they are tearing down "Steve's Warehouse", an old building somehow involved in "cheap foods". Every day the last week, there has been a different smell flooding the air... yesterday was baking bread.... last friday was tar.... thursday dust. It makes me wonder what smell tonight will bring and how long I'll have to wait until "Chocolate Fondue".... you'd think all those butch construction workers would take a fondue break eventually.... hopefully, it won't be too cold that day or I'll probably freeze to death with a chocolate infused smile on my face....
I have a bunch of strange clippings and notes on my desk. I don't quite understand what a lot of them mean, but I thought I would share them with you.
Quote I liked: Western laziness consists of cramming our lives with compulsive activity, so that there is no time at all to confront the real issues. -Sogyal Rinpoche
Chart for mailing 37c in change to someone
All Pennies = $1.06 in postage
7 Nickles, 2 pennies = $.60
3 dimes, 1 nickle, 2 pennies = $.37
1 quarter, 1 dime, 2 pennies = $.37
14 dimes =$.37
I'm sorry, but this doesn't factor in the recent price increase
Disappointing Movie of the Weekend
Wallace and Gromit. Barely worth the $2 I paid. It was clever, but I was bored during the whole movie.
Longest Dinner Wait
Saturday, I tried to go to Cafe Havanna at 8pm.... the wait was still 90minutes. Went to Machu Picchu instead. Authentic Peruvian Food = Mexican Food + Potatoes.
One night, I was walking in a quiet neighborhood to my local branch of the National Archives. It was a quiet stone building with huge glass walls. I was doing a research paper and it was very important to get a copy of the original Articles of Confederation. The apathetic librarian directed me down the elevators to a huge, run-down warehouse, which reminded me a south american cocaine factory from Tom Clancey novels.
The basement was run by convicts because it was cheaper than hiring full time employees. My sister and I were told we had to go to a "back room" to get the Articles and that I had to change out of my jeans because they weren't "sterile"... as we walked to the back room, I realized that we were being setup by the convicts and that they were going to jump us once we were out of the guard's view. I spun around and started tussling with an inmate. I had him in a sleeper hold as my sister ran to get help. I began worrying about my jeans, not only because they cost $22.50, but the convicts could use them to disguise themselves and escape. Then roomie's alarm woke me up from the next room.
I've always had an interest in Eastern Religions... zen... being in the moment... meditation... relaxation... simplicity...
When I started doing improv, I gave a lot of that up because I needed more and more time for rehearsals.
Now, improv has lead me right back to where I began.
I've realized that improv is the ultimate in being in the moment. There is no time to fret about past "mistakes" you may have made.... there is no time to plan future moves like a game of chess.... all you can do is react.... like a quick flick of the wrists in ping-pong...
Last night was restless. Kept waking up. Little dream fragments scattered, mashed about in my mind. Sheets/blankets in complete dissaarraay.
It feels like a Mon, but it's tuesday. I was also one off while counting elevator floors this morning.
Depressed at the story that movie theatres may die. I love going to the theatre and would watch ALL movies in the theatre if they replayed the old ones I want to see. I imagine myself as a thirty-year-old, sitting in the one theatre left in Minneapolis with a bunch of septuagenarians watching Annie Hall, while they snack on popcorn and I refuse because I just brushed my teeth...
I have never had the stick-to-it-ness to stay with any sort of art form (1 semester visual-art student, 1 semester writing, 2 semesters music), so I figured I would post my comedy schedule online as way to whole-heartedly embrace my new role as Comedian to the Greater-Minneapolis Area.
Come see me at Comedy Sportz this January...
Thurs 26th: Player
8pm-10pm, Super-Duper Minor League Show, only $5!
Fri 27th: Player
8pm-10pm, "It's the last friday of the month!"
Sat 27th: The Announcer
10:30pm-12:30am, yeah it's late.
Dream Snippet
I was looking around the bathroom feverishly because I couldn't find any of my towels.... hand towels, face towels, bath towels.... they were all gone! I figured Roomie was at fault, so I went into his bedroom and sure enough all of my towels had been removed from the bathroom because he needed "filler" in his next laundry load. He had to wash a shirt and couldn't wash it by itself because the machine wouldn't "balance properly"....
Upon waking...
Roomie got up early and was showering during my 6-minute getting-ready-for-the-day stage.... so I feverishly looked for a washcloth to clean my face before going to work....
I memorize where different bus drivers stop the bus so that I can be the first person on the bus. Some of the bus drivers are less precise than others, but I'm almost always one of the first two in the bus.
Today a car pulled up about 30 seconds before the bus was schedule to arrive. The passanger kept kissing the driver, even after I could see the bus rounding the corner. Finally the girl got out of the car, grabbed her bag from the trunk, went back for one more kiss and then ran to the bus. She jogged about a foot from the bus at the same speed of the bus, so she stayed even with the bus door as it stopped squarely in front of me.... the only thing separating the bus from me was her.
I was upset that I'd be the second person in the bus today, but I told myself "it's not the end of the world" until she stole the seat I wanted. At that point, my only hope was that the habitual crosser would get her with his grimy shoe bottom....
I had lists of personal, professional and other things that needed to get done by the end of break. Break is almost over and I have barely cracked the list. Hence, yesterday and Wed will be "get stuff done" days. Upon completion, I should be set until summer break.
Roomie backed out on our spring break plans to visit Roma. I guess 16 50-page papers to grade is too much to do while sight seeing.
Roomie and I both did a wallet thinning this week. I feel so fast and agile without all those receipts weighing me down.
Started eating breakfast last week at home. This week: it seems like too much energy too early in the morning. It was nice while it lasted!
I did not get a weekend. I don't feel relaxed. Therefore, I'm going to take Tues/Wed night and pretend they're my weekend. I will watch taped TV shows.... lounge around on the sofa.... perhaps even eat a few too many cookies.
Co-worker returned today. It's strange to use my voice again.
Had to make complicated excel formulas today. It really is a beautiful program.
ADDENDUM
The Habitual Crosser sat across from me today so I got a different angle... there is a nice dusty/muddy area on ONE knee from the constant cross-overs.
Every stop, he changed seats (3 total!) and each time as soon as he sat down the leg crossed itself.... it seemed like an automatic responce (like breathing or heart beating).
A HC friend of mine says the left knee on ALL of his pants is torn because of his constant crossing. What a freak.... uhhh, I mean all people are snowflakes.... interesting and unique in their own way.... Well, gotta go tighten light switch screws...
Today I road the bus with the Habitual Crosser. Immediately upon sitting, he crosses his left leg over his right leg and begins reading a thick book. (Today's: The Beatles). As soon as a seat near the bus door opens up (one that he doesn't need to share), he moves... even if it's for one stop. Half way before his stop he puts his book away so that he can be by the door, the first one to leave.
Dress: Nice clothes, but unkempt
Appearance: My height, black hair, clean shaven, winter hat.
Shoes: Tennis/Running Shoes, filled with sand/water/salt on the bottom. He also needs to pause reading when people get on/off the bus so that he can pull his foot in and not get muck on someone's coat.
I was in bed and saw four teranchulas (the spider, I don't wont to look up their spelling) the size of grapefruits sitting in 4 huge webs down the vertical blind closest to my bed. I walked to the livingroom to see if someone had relocated the 4 stuffed tarenchulas I kept on a verticle blind in there. Unfortunately, the fakes were still there, which meant the HUGE spiders in my bedroom were real. I looked for something to throw at the spiders to see if they moved (and thus verify that they were real). I had nothing I could live without, so I started rummaging through my change glass for a penny. Suddenly two of them jumped across the room at me. I awoke as they landed on me....
Craft projects have been failing me and creating giant headaches...
Homemade Christmas Cards (nice thought, bad idea)
- exacto knife wasn't sharp enough to cut through pictures
- rubber cement was out
- paper was too heavy to run through printer
- Kmart tricked me into getting 2 minute prints instead of 1 hour prints... for double the cost....
Framed Picture of Central Park (Reason why the frame's been empty for 2 years)
- freshly windex-ed glass took splotches off of the picture. looks like snow in front of one building.
- matte got all scraped up by glass.
- glass proceeded to scrape off white-out, which was fixing said matte.
- frame took brute strength to pull apart and put back together (brute strength still missing)
- hanging on 2 nails, slightly to the right