My first cannolli

At the risk of insighting UB, I shall make this brief: I had my first cannolli today. Excellent! With my eyes closed it reminded me of a Krispie Kreme doughnut.

Watched an old B&W hitchcock: disappointing ("secret agent").

Watched The Muppet Show on DVD: what happened to good tv like that?

Fell in love, all over again, with the Swedish Chef: Looooooo de looooooo de loooooooo.

Also decided to keep the old men in the theatre box around. May I some day be as acrid and turse as they.

waiting

We wait for:

busses, a red light, the bathroom, lunch, the microwave, the dishwasher, inspiration, just the right time, computer installations, checkout lines, mail in refunds, grand openings, test results, medical diagnosis, transplants, Mr. Godot, retirement, bananas to ripen, checks in the mail, sequels, paint to dry, people to catch up, tables, the truth, our day in court, coffee to cool down, things to bloom...

I have always considered myself an excellent waiter...

Perhaps I have never waited for something I really want....

May 2006 Schedule

Fri 5/5, 8pm: Player
Fri 5/5, 10:30pm: Player
Sat 5/6, 10:30pm: Player

Sat 5/27, 8pm: Player
Sat 5/27: 10:30pm: Announcer

Commercials

Vitorin (cholestoral medicine) does commercials featuring people who look like food. What's the casting call like for that? "Do you or someone you know resemble meat entrees? Come down to 84th and Broadway for your change to star in Vitorin's latest comercial."

I spelled commercial two different ways in hopes that one of them is correct.

After years about hearing about the muppet "Mah na Mah na" skit, I finally found a copy of it online. Very funny. Catchy music. I sang it loud and proud in the stairwells at work.

where's my head

i have no idea where my head has been. i think officing with joonneekkee has rubbed off on me :)

twice i have left my ipod playing in my car for over 4 hours before i return to it.

twice i have lost my ipod. once, my cell phone.

today i forgot my debit card in the ATM and it got sucked inside. wells fargo is shipping me a new one. but at least i have a good excuse for today: i was thinking about the mint chocolate chip ice-cream and sugar cones sitting on the passanger seat of my car.

europe

over an 18 month period, i have 5 offers for international travel. a mediterrainean jaunt with my roommate fell through, but i just book tickets for barcelona with my sister this summer! we nearly killed each other at times when we shared a roof in fargo, so i'm interested to see how this works out. other int'l offers still on the table:

• japan: long shot to visit someone i hardly know, but would probably take me in.
  
• italy: my game group wants a fall trip to rome and venice. they sucessfuly broked a trip 3 years ago, it's got strong potential.
  
• peru: i've wanted to go for 5 years and my parents suddenly became interested last month. visiting a friend, my dad became captivated with beautiful pictures he had on the wall. "where is this magical place?" "peru."
  

swear words

this weekend, i got pulled aside to talk about my "foul language" on stage. yes, me, the guy who won't even write the b, f, s, or a word on a blog entry. i guess i said "crap" and "damn" on stage, both foul-able offences. in order to avoid talking about the whopper junior i had for lunch and the lasagna for dinner, i pose this question, devoid of all side-dish references such as onion rings with zesty dipping sauce, grapes and sherbet: what do you consider swear words and how would you rank them as far as vile-ness is concerned:

Pizza Theif

Harumph!

I ate pizza at the University Dining Service today and being a rational mieser, I eyed every slice of pepperoni before picking the largest piece with the most cheese and pepperoni. As I was spatulaing up my 'zza, a corner fell off... taking some cheese and thinly-sliced heaven with it.

"No problem," I thought. "I can always go back for a follow-up scoup since it landed on the empty half of the pan...."

NO, A dining service worker grabbed my chunk of pizza with his hand, threw it in the garbage and then walked back to the pizza oven. What the frick is happening here?

Up Late Bread-ing

It's 2am. Aside from unwinding from tonight's show (and wondering how I got messed up with such a life-style), I am MOREamportantly killing time. My bread machine's timer can only be set 12 hours into the future.... and I'd really like bread in about 13.

After years of proposing a holiday free of large meats (ham, turkey, pigme), I finally get my wish in 13 hours. The menu: Lasagna and other 'talian fixin'(s).

people are hard to understand

riding to work today, an attractive well-to-do girl sat next to me and pulled out a juice box. (capri sun, the ritzy kind). i'd usually use sugary-products-early-in-the-morning as an easy introduction into my world, but juice boxes make me nervous. i was a blower. the juice box quickly filled with air and my t-shirt quickly filled with stainable red #40. i worried for two stops about whether she would squeeze juice on me.

we were sitting on the sideways seat, facing the door-side of the bus, like i like. without so much as looking behind her, she threw the empty wrapper behind her.... exited the bus and walked past a garbage can. if i already wasn't 2 busses late, i was going to bolt out the bus door carrying the juice box screaming, "wooooops! you accidently forgot this. here you go. you dropped it as you were leaving.... almost lost it forever.... no need to thank me."

i once watched a neighbor pull out of her driveway, litter a few bottles in the middle of the street and drive off. i picked up all the trash and left it in her mailbox.

the garbage can is a pretty simple invention.

Naked Chick

Even though I have caught the bus home at different times this week, the same Naked chick has sat across from me or next to me (reading Naked by David Sedaris). I want to tell her it's not as good as Me Talk Pretty One Day, but she doesn't look like a devout Sedaris fan. She's too ordinary. Too married. I imagine her telling other couples that she had hamburgers and EzMac for dinner.... not a comment in passing: that was the bulk of "what she did today".... aside from choosing her clothing from a neatly hung wardrobe of 10 identical denim skirts and 10 plain, white t-shirts.

But that is probably what drives her to Sedaris... a trip from the mundane into the world of a man who worked as an elf and has a brother named "The Rooster."

I like him because I cut my finger today on a "ream" of 50 staples as I tried to fashion them into a bracelet using a twisty tie and rubber band. I thought it would look good with my binder-clip barrettes....

sleep toast

i usually fall asleep on my stomach facing my right and wake up on my back facing left. last night i did that about 3 or 4 times and felt like toast.... popping in and out of a toaster.

this isn't making any sense. i'm tired today. i'm depressed because i'm mailing my tax forms. one of my perenials flopped over on itself during the weekend.

but on the upside, i had lemonade for the first time in years. excited to have more with dinner.

Dream: Lucidity Strikes Again

After a week of barely remembering what happened, I think I have determined that this was all a dream:

I was rollerblading in a busy downtown bustling with cars and buildings... There was one guy skating behind me holding a pepperoni stick trying to skate faster and jab it into my back(1). I stopped rollerblading near the front door of a large skyscraper that was roped off with a huge crowd around its base. I waved and decided to comicly skate in through the automatic doors (which doesn't go well and I get hit by many of the revolving, automatic doors)... the crowd goes wild with enthusiam.

Inside, I realize I'm in a church and my sister is just starting a comedic video I made(2). I sit down next to a 6-year old kid and watch me on screen swearing a la Larry David(3). Sitting there I wonder what I'll say next since I need to deliver a motivational speech when the video ends.

Notes:
(1) No Freudian interpretation necessary, Sherman! I just watched Spellbound, a grand hitchcock thriller about psychoanalysts.
(2) Tomorrow I perform improv for a church youth group.
(3) Recently fell in love with Curb Your Enthusiasm... this month, I've seen half the eposides ever made.

Colds

Here I was beginning to think that I could make it through a whole cold season with no ailments. That changed Sunday with a nasty sore throat (my least favorite part of your common cold). Been eating OJ and toast.... watching lots of DVDs.... having really lucid dreams (none of which I remember).... I woke up excited to write this post because I thought it would be tremendously interesting..... that must have been part of teh lucid dream too....

Addendum: Remembered a dream about getting a worm-sized snake as a present. I was keeping it in a 4 cup tupperware and it would coil and spring out.... which was a problem since it wouldn't stay worm-sized for long.

Best part of being sick: Afternoon of cookies on Food Network. How they are mass produced.... why we love them... how to make them.... good times.... did you know that chocolate chip cookies are #2 in America behind the Oreo?

Podcast: Wilson Flump 4/4

It's over. Spring is here. A bulb (Texas Amarillo?) I had been ignoring all year started to sprout in my apartment. Time for a pod-free summer... better unearth my peas and re-plant carrots.

Part 4 of 4 (Real Media Format)

Podcast: Wilson Flump 3/4

An anonymous little birdy asked when the rest of Flump will be posted. I maintain he was not an avid fan, but obliging a drunken debate:

Part 3 of 4 (Real Media Format)

The final installment ("the let-down ending") will be released on Sunday....