October 2006

10/6, 8pm: Player
10/6, 10:30pm: Player

10/13, 8pm: Announcer
10/13, 10:30pm: Player
10/14, 8pm: Player
10/14, 10:30pm: Player

10/19, 8pm: Player
10/21, 8pm: Player
10/21, 10:30pm: Announcer

10/26, 8pm: Player

i hate cars

i hate cars. i hate how shiny they are and how hard they make transporting helium balloons.

while cleaning a sea of paperwork off my kitchen table (since i eat on the sofa), i found my car insurance bill, which was due in 4 hours. my agent couldn't take a payment over the phone or internet, so i gave the check to a local horseman who happened to be trailblazing near his hut.

changing low-beams also blows goats. i spent two weeks with a mostly dismantled headlight riding shotgun until my sad-sap act tricked the friendly Checker's Autoparts fix-it man to help me. but the whole way home i had dirt on my hands from trying to change it. ivory soap has never felt so refreshing.

now, i need an 82,500 mile change. does it ever end?

Alley Oop: Outgoing Mail

Location: Main Office

Item: Sorting Box for Outgoing Mail

Idea: A Benefactor of Comedic Ideas

Implimentation: Generation Bob

jeanetic paranoia

[utopian setup]
i'm can't bring "anything" back, but i do want to push schlumpy out and this determination spearheaded a quest for the perfect jeans--a quest which recently dropped me in a retro (see: "used") clothing store where i left with the illusive denim dragon slayed and wrapped neatly in his plastic bodybag.

[introduction of problem]
i haven't had time to wash them and they've been burning a whole in the pockets of my other pants... so i did it. i wore used jeans without washing them. all day long my legs have itched. i have felt spiders crawling into my socks. i check myself for ticks every hour. i've googled diseases/infections/infestations that love denim. and i throw-up a little each time i smell their pugnant vintage aroma. in fact, i may be typing this in my office, pantsless.

[a surprising, yet inevitable resolution]
anyone care to mambo? i need something to wisk my mind off her feet.

et tu(be.com)

I generally don't like you tube because I'm an old dial-up-er at heart who lives for streamlined, quick-loading pages. Cozy internet armchairs like youtube make me nervous. However, today's menu features a brilliant little video that delights me on so many levels.

plus, it is only 4 seconds long....

Reader Poll: Dyeing for Change

Having never dyed my hair, I think it might be time for a change.
Please indicate not only your color choice, but also how badly I'll botch this project...

Original

Blond Meringue

Ruby Crescent

Hair Mirrored as Beard

Deep Cola

Posted by steveh at 12:54 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) | Reader Poll

cock fight

Why won't anybody fight with me? Tonight I want to bang my head on the coffee table.... scrape my arm on the pavement... sprain my wrist from a well thrown right hook...

I tried picking on people in person.... on the phone... via email.... and everybody ignored me. I guess you're all too good to punch old GB on the arm. Fine. I didn't want to fight anyway.

Lounge Singers

Singing "diamonds are a girl's best friend" at the top of my lungs on 94 westbound, I realized that two of my favorite movies (and CDs) feature lounge singers (technically 3 do, but I don't consider Annie Hall a professional musician)... not only that, but I like these movies because they're about lounge singers.

So where do you get to know them? Why do I only see them in movies? Is it true that if you look around a room and don't see any lounge singers than you are probably the lounge singer? Do any of you have BBQs and invite your lounge singers friends? Someone must because everyone love burgers.

Satine, Moulin Rouge

"I follow the night."
"When will I begin to live again?"

Breathless Mahoney, Club Ritz

"You don't know if you want to hit me or kiss me."
Whose side are you on? "The side I'm always on: mine."

Reader Poll: Super Powers

This weekend I made trading cards for imaginary action figures. What? Don't worry... there's a rational explanation: I tend to twist napkins into bizarre shapes when I'm at restaurants, so I thought "why not do something with these creations?" Bestowing them with super powers and forming our own little society seemed to be the obvious choice. So I ask, what super power do you wish you had? (keeping in mind that immortality is cheating).

I'd love flight or invisibility... but given literary problems with invisibility (see: The Ring of Gyges, The Hollow Man, The Invisible Man, etc), I think I'd choose flight.

quick hits: new muscle found

i found a new muscle on my leg. it prevents me from sticking my leg out straight while i'm lying on my back and has a penchant for buying hershy bars.

i'm surprised that i actually liked lentils. i guess they are more than a cool bean to glue to mother's day cards.

started playing an online government simulation in an attempt to connect with polisci co-workers on a personal and meaningful level. in five days, my policies lead 12 million citizens into anarchy.

i want to blow my nose right now, but i've got nothing to blow out. i just really want to blow my nose, but not in a cold way. in a dusty-post-sneeze way. it would be very satisfying.

U Botches Bus Service, again

Attention Freshman: don't know when to skip class? or how much skipping is too much? You need BurdenShare.

BurdenShare is a revolutionary program designed by Transportation Services as a way to put the guess work back into skipping class. Simply follow the myriad of posted signs directing you to the Como & Raymond stop, or don't follow them, and you have an equal chance at missing your first class.

Sound too good to be true? It's not! I won an extra 30 minutes to collect my thoughts at the beautiful Como & Raymond bus stop resort. BurdenShare: it could happen to you!
Transportation Services, Campus Connector, Washington Ave Bridge, Circulator, Bus Service, University of Minnesota