November 2006

11/3, 8pm: Player
11/3, 10:30pm: Player

11/17, 8pm: Player
11/17, 10:30pm: Player

11/25, 8pm: Player
11/25, 10:30: Announcer

PUN-tificating

the pun and i have a long, sordid past. (you never forget your first tool for laughter). she saw me through dozens of sketches, christmas cards, a weekly listserv and plenty of awkward conversations.... until my friends (literally) held an intervention. i admitted i had a problem in 2002 and since then have been cutting my teeth on situation/reality based comedy.

but i often wonder what she is up.... if she still has the same soft, flaxen hair. aside from beautiful straktospherian headlines and anonymously poetic signatures, she never made it big. never got discovered. never played broadway. but she still manages to find work.... as long as there are travel, food and home improvement channels on cable...

User Topic #3: A-n-t-s

Killer ants, insect poisons, asphyxiation from bugs.... bah humbug... i want to talk about nature as art. this guy pours molten metal down abandoned harvester ant nests to frankenstein bastard step-children of Alexander Calder and Jelly Fish. i am amazed that nests of ants, without any blue prints or six-legged formans, can build these beautiful, complex, utilitarian structures.... and all my natural instincts can do is drive me (flawlessly) to the nearest bakery selling chocolate croissants.

user topic #2: coincidences

i love coincidences, but not coin incidents... like the time a penny fell down the steps while i was home alone and i thought a burgler was upstairs.... coincidences, on the other hand, reveal the synchronicity of the universe and happen as frequently as you're willing to look for them.

most recent: friday, a co-worker convinced me to watch "notorious" and then roomie came home an hour later with a rental of notorious.

coolest: late night link hopping the day before spring break, i found and got tickets to a week-long conference on dream symbolism.

celebgrity

i disagree with the koomentator, these celebrity look alike sites work quite well.

user topic #1: quirkyalones

quirkyalones, or "quickyalones" when derided by couplers, are my kind of peeps. steeped in a dark-brew of hearty individualism (capable of even putting hair on my chest), these modern anti-heros snub their solitary nostrils at society's irrational fear of rejection.

why? it's a delicate swatch of idealism, perfectionism and cockynessm pulled taut over the sadistic cannon of anti-hedonic tendencies with a chaser of moderate-to-low self-esteem.

in another words, why hold hands when you can write a poem? why make banal dinner conversation, when you can make an audience laugh? why steal bases when you could watch beakman's world... get your ham radio license... bake croissants... embrace unfettered possibility.

Reader Poll: election topix

with elections less than three weeks away, the rest of this week's posts will be devoted entirely to reader-generated suggestions. if you have a topic you'd like explored in generation bob's playground, please voice your interest now. if you have a question you'd like answered, shoot away. myself, along with sarah, n. erving, and danny k. are really excited to see what issues are on the hearts and minds of our readers.

still can't sleep

super duper double dog tired. can't sleep. woke up dreaming that i put my upstairs neighbors in burning quicksand... just to make sure the job got done.

creative acts (like blogging) require creative energy.... but you have to pamper yourself and relax in order to recharge your batteries. i am out of snoose after 5 shows this weekend. tonight i recharge with a movie and grilled hamburgers.

beakmaniac

the last time i made out, beakman's world was on tv. not literally while we were making out, duh... i said we were "making out" not "caught up in the most amazing thing ever."

this fall, beakman's world returned to syndication and i now have hope that the rest of my life will fall in place.

anyone wishing to understand how my mind works need only watch one episode (or montage clip). beakman's world is the externalization of my brain: penguin puppets, men in rat suits, lime green lab coats, stupid puns, viewer mail and bad dancing.

fox. saturday mornings. 9am and 10am. (particularly 10am... "the later seasons").

note: all comments reflecting bill nye in a positive light will immediately be deleted and the author will be shot. consider yourself warned.

Group Story: "Number 5"

Inspired by the mix and match fun, dsplit noir began a choose your own adventure story.... please help us finish it....

three cold tonights ago, after applauding myself for finally throwing back the last of an i'll-quit-after-this-one glass, i brushed up against the doll of a friend of mine. she was scaring me, really wigging out, you know. telling me about a random job that went down at her pad that's just behind the track.

i eyed her, took note that everything she was wearing looked suddenly quite tiny, and quit recognizing the off-the-indexes warning talk of my soul. she needed some extra love at this point, and I was ready to suck up the blows of my friend's scolding fingers if only i could keep her eyes and fingers on me for tonight. we slipped into the doorway of "The 3rd Because," and we were on. today's good luck, i thought. "don't count on it," Number 5 (my friend and the doll's real finger) suddenly said.
-dsplit noir

lackluster posts

for those of you who have noticed a week or two of lame posts, please realize that i haven't slept well in a fortnight. the new upstairs neighbors are clompers, which in the longrun has strengthened my resolve to move... and in the short run has tested my creativity with different ways i could harm them (super-thin super-long needles up through the noise.... microwaves shooting upwards....)

for those of you who had not noticed a difference in quality, please look closer at my posting history. there IS a subtle different between a well polished turd and a turd.

whatever mr mix and match

1. i love wigs, but i would never want to brush one. tonight i wore three.

2. the track pad doesn't recognize my index finger because it is too cold.

3. talking dolls scare me, but 3rd eyes don't. it's just an extra eye. but good luck finding glasses.

4. i applaud a friend who suddenly and randomly quit her job today because it sucked her soul.

5. a doll scolded me for wearing a tiny wig on my index finger suddenly and randomly.

Madlib - Oct 3rd

It's another Tuesday the 3rd Madlib! Fill in the boxes and press the "Create Madlib" button.... Then copy the story and paste it as a comment.... bon appetite!

Silly Name (male):
Verb: (to ______)
Location:
Nouns (plural):
Weapon:
Noun (singular):
Adverb:
Full Sentence:
Adjective:
Feeling:
Decision: (You decide to...)
Nouns (plural):
Occupation:
Adjective:

You need Javascript enabled to run this madlib. It has been tested with Mozilla, IE, Mac Safari and Mac Firefox.
Don't read other people's stories until you have made your own!

Tex-Mex in the City

this weekend i crashed a wedding reception (in hospital white sneakers) because i heard the call of the dance floor. unlike the elephants in heat, currently residing above me, this call was systematic banging, as only the village people and gloria gaynor know how to do.

recharging my vibe between songs, my only friend in the room left me to my own devices where i struck up a conversation with a local cheese saleswoman.
we talk.
we laughed.
we talked more.
i awkwardly begged her for her sassy sandals, claiming they would complete my ensemble....
and as she got pulled away, she invited me to her cheese shop where i would "learn the secret to amazing grilled cheeses."

so now, a la sarah jessica parker, i type, alone, on my bed: does a relationship need to be based on more than just cheese?