a night of death

driving to bond: ambulance parked askew, lights flashing, neighboring apartment complex, craving a peanut butter cup.

bond: gritty, sobering, real [for a bond film]

driving from bond: hearse, headlights off, man in brisk overcoat, straight posture, neighboring apartment complex. i keep the conversation going, but really am wondering how life changes in a second.

best buy has terrible bad service

best buy has terrible service. best buy has bad service. problems with best buy. can you tell where this post is going? answer: nowhere, i blew my wad in the opening.

i bought a warranty (PSP) from best buy (geek squad) for my home computer. the CD/DVD burner stopped working, but everything else was fine. what should have been a simple 1-day part swap, turned into them stealing my computer for a month and never fully resolving the problem.

i will not shop at best buy.
i will not buy a warranty from best buy.

... to end on a happier note, i highly recommend: Penzey's Spices [fresh delicious spices, reasonable prices] and Ing Direct [banking, highest interest rates around, get $25 if i refer you] best buy has bad service. best buy has terrible service.

black frydai

actual cnn black frydai article dokumenting:

car maheim in tennessee...

crazy macy's manhattanness...

and three shoppers sitting alone at some mall in north dakota.... dontchaknow.... could ya pass dat dere cinnabon, betsie?

Under Seige

WOMEN AND MEN OF THE STRAKTOSPHERE. THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT. GENERATION BOB UNDER SEIGE BY DISSTRESSOR.

DISSTRESSOR bought google and is using his financial might to tumble the straktosphere [run on google technology]. His unstoppable troops are making headway into Generation Bob's playground. Defeat looks inevitable, which is why we begun diverting resources from electronic shields to establishing a vast network of underground resistence. VIVE LA DISSTRAKT</communication>

the people on the bus

• edgy, thin, sullen man. brown hooded sweatshirt and baggy jeans.... but surprisingly fashionable accessories [green knit scarf worn metroly].... looked like someone who would stick you up at knife point and then go home to make his own lillac scented soaps.
• fashionista in leopard-print trimmed coat. pushed her way to front of bus line. sat down. opened a wedding planning brochure. i can't even imagine her levels of bridezillacity
• two suited, older men. older one [5 years] sitting directly in front of younger one. both had white patch as widow's peak. not brothers. i smell a skunk.

a tough nut to crack

i just opened a new peanut butter [natural: requires stirring] and roomie just had visitors. upon their departure, i realized they used my pb and probably didn't stir compulsively during this crucial mixing phase. if my worst nightmares realize, the bottom third of the jar will be unusable because his guests consumed all the coveted peanut oil.

since the guessed vanished, i obviously can't ask them how vigorously they stirred... and we'll never know whether the knife (a giveaway of how deep they mixed) was hand-washed in a selfless act of giving back to the hosts or a hostile pb-cover-up.

in summary: does anyone want a free jar of natural smucker's chunky peanut butter. buying a new jar is the only way to free my mind from this investigation.

unlocky #13

keys are generally fool proof. you put the right one in the right lock and turn. that's it. sometime's it takes brute strength [lacking, even after delotioning hands] to turn.... sometimes it takes some brainpower [related: trial and error] to remember which key to use.

i tried to unlock my car door [front, driver] but instead of putting the key in the lock, i somehow pushed the entire locking mechanism deep into the door.... where it fell into the hollow, steel depths of my car. the lock still works [auto-unlock-button, other side], and the lock is still there [rolls and clinks when i turn].... but i'll be giggered if i could essplain what just happened....

Joust dog it

This dog demonstrates the power of a good hat. Without it, he is just some animal with an action figure strapped to his back... and the world has enough of those....

I wish more large, ridable animals were cute and fun loving. elephant? wrinkly. hippo? fatty mcfatter pants. rhino? stupid ice-cream-cone shaped horn. I'd ride a dog to work if there were a place to park him... and nobody throwing huge beach balls along our route....

American News

Erik and I made it in the "out and about" section of the Aberdeen American News. I come off as a stupified ignoramous with half my quotes being...
"really fun evening"
"helps make it a very exciting show"

but there were some more meaty quotes such as....
"We're going to do a completely improvised comedy show"

i want my mummy

some may tell you the day after thanksgiving is the world's best shopping. they would be wrong. the stores smell like old turkey and the merchandise is lame.

today, the day after halloween, is actually the best shopping. wigs, capes, hats and other forms of tom-foolery are on sale.

be there.