June 27, 2007

sheer splendor

did anyone see wed night's sunset? one of the most amazing things ever. i was in the middle of dinner.... in the middle of a tv show... and i ran out the door to see it.... no camera... no sweater... just one of those spectacular nights you can only dream of...

Posted by steveh at 11:24 PM | Comments (4) | Everday Stuff

June 18, 2007

movies for movie makers

once or twice a year i watch a movie that makes me excited to make movies. this year's lucky prize goes to "the science of sleep", suggested by dsplit. quirky, funny, real, absurd. everything made out of cardboard made me laugh. one on hand, i'm glad someone made it. on the other, i'm upset i didn't get to. i also ate ice-cream tonight.

Posted by steveh at 10:41 PM | Comments (4) | Everday Stuff

June 12, 2007

staktospheric event proposition

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straktospheric event proposition :: 43c
destination :: pedal.pub
cost :: $20/person (full pub assumed)
duration :: 2 hour evening

Posted by steveh at 01:41 PM | Comments (0) | Everday Stuff

June 11, 2007

how do you get where you are

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skirting the issue of whether you should pepper your university with advertisements promoting your university to people who already attend..... we can all agree that there is no reason tell people how to get to the university after you have already arrived.

Posted by steveh at 12:35 PM | Comments (1) | Everday Stuff

June 08, 2007

DeBacheria

all womens and mens new shoes must be crafted from italian woods by joseph debach. the world wide interwebs doesn't do justice to the fly in-person displays i saw....

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shoe66.JPG

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Posted by steveh at 01:27 PM | Comments (0) | Everday Stuff

May 09, 2007

visual dna

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i hate making people fill out stupid surveys about themselves, but i love the idea of visual dna [a string of pictures revealing your preferences/personality].

maybe it's all the cold medicine talking, but i'm posting a link to the survey anyway... at home sick.... slept all afternoon.... need a nap soon...

Posted by steveh at 05:09 PM | Comments (2) | Everday Stuff

May 08, 2007

hiccups

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i couldn't fall asleep because my arm had the hiccups.... i moved it, i shook it, i rolled over, but the muscle continually twitched at average hiccup speeds until i fell asleep.... i guess this is the cross those of us with rapidly growing muscles need to bear...

Posted by steveh at 10:07 AM | Comments (0) | Everday Stuff

May 04, 2007

cake effect slow

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ate two pieces of rum cake [ice-cream].... need a nap.... soon....

Posted by steveh at 03:56 PM | Comments (1) | Everday Stuff

April 30, 2007

running blog

12:02am :: culling my closet. broke down and got new spring shirt. one old shirt must go.

09:27am :: i went to my homepage because it links to other blogs i like. in the last 9 hours i had totally forgotten i was doing a running blog. there was a disappointing lack of email this'morn.

10:56am :: i vill video blog [decided, fri]. made my first comment on a friend's schmlog [endorsed].... then i realized i stole this "running blog" idea from her bf.... will i give him credit? never!

04:22pm :: just realized a running blog = a regular post, if nobody checks regularly. but then a lack of audience has never stopped me before...

08:51pm :: tried to read, but the beet lady sat behind me on the connector and i kept both ears glued to her conversation about an upcoming wrist surgery.... gupta softly mumbled in the background...

Posted by steveh at 12:02 AM | Comments (5) | Everday Stuff

April 17, 2007

hazzah!

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thank you to every package catcher in the great stuff free-for-all. today's stationwagon-trunk's worth of goodwill boxes hammered the final nail in this coffin of apartment reclamation! my life is back! tomorrow i begin doing what i was doing 2 weeks ago [candy chart, UB??].... time unfreezes.... as i wait for the next rainy saturday to tackle those obnoxious-but-livable projects like a 49er tackles a mute kimono dragon....

Posted by steveh at 12:06 AM | Comments (1) | Everday Stuff

April 16, 2007

26:53

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race :: for justice
distance :: 5 kilometers
status :: kompleted
time :: 26.53 [official]
cause :: supporting mn lawyers

Posted by steveh at 10:18 AM | Comments (6) | Everday Stuff

April 12, 2007

stuff relief 2007

stuff addendum :: i feel great. i stopped at four people's houses to unload stuff that had been encroaching on my life. here's hoping it will be useful to them. silly stuff.

Posted by steveh at 12:14 AM | Comments (1) | Everday Stuff

April 09, 2007

stuff

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i hate stuff.

this weekend i packed stuff, sorted stuff, stacked stuff, threw out stuff, recycled stuff, compacted stuff, rearranged stuff... only to find more stuff.... then i realized what a waste of time stuff is. it's seems important at the time.... it seems like something you'll never live without.... and then you come across a box of every geography assignment from 7th grade.

stuff wastes your time, wastes your space, and wastes your sanity.... i don't want it anymore....

Posted by steveh at 10:41 PM | Comments (7) | Everday Stuff

April 02, 2007

April's First Disappointment

April is still wet behind the ears. She came in like a lion instead of a liar. The one opportunity I had to make socially acceptable pranks is over and done and I never took advantage of her.... At least that's what I'm claiming when the investigations start-up....

Posted by steveh at 12:10 AM | Comments (5) | Everday Stuff

March 28, 2007

national day of celebration

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national day of celebration
:: disstraktor honored with parades
:: children rejoice in streets
:: one cat seen wearing party hat

Posted by steveh at 12:01 AM | Comments (5) | Everday Stuff

March 20, 2007

week's goals

M: integrate childhood memories, tupperware, into apartment [CHECK]
T: mail assortment of packages awaiting postage [CHECK]
W: submit poetry somewhere to get published [CHECK]
Th: do a real cleaning [CHECK]

Posted by steveh at 12:08 AM | Comments (5) | Everday Stuff

March 19, 2007

persistence of memories

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memories lost :: 4 garbage bags, 3 recyclable bags, 8 mall of america brochures, countless copies of old band programs.

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memories retained :: binders of childhood art, old journal, school projects, awards won while i was still doing things i loved.

Posted by steveh at 12:02 AM | Comments (3) | Everday Stuff

March 14, 2007

pi against sky

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HAPPY PI DAY!

mandatory U holiday this weekend in honor of circumference over diameter.

3.14159-2653589-7932384-626-43 :: the only digits i can remember

Posted by steveh at 12:01 AM | Comments (3) | Everday Stuff

March 06, 2007

postal pastaroni

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delighted to see the little yellow key in my p.o. box, i knew an unexpected package was moments away. opening the 2'x2'x3' "train locker", i was surprised to see a simple manila envelope staring back at me.

walking back to my apartment, i shook the envelope with trepidation since this friend often peppers her letter with glitter or spangles of unknown genus. sure enough, this shook with tell-tail signs of "carpet-dirtiers".

inside was a beautiful macaroni scene of a hammock between two palms by the ocean.... and just as enjoyable was the little sign on the front, which the USPS actually headed.... reading: macaroni card. please hand stamp.

Posted by steveh at 12:08 AM | Comments (2) | Everday Stuff

March 05, 2007

me and cosmos sitting in a tree

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i am in love. seriously.

i ate at cosmos [downtown.msp :: $$$$$$$$]

i'm in love with the frosted glass ambiance.
i'm in love with the attentive staff [a toned-down andy dick sporting businessman hair]
i'm in love with the intermezzos they surprised me with between courses.
i'm in love with the spice garden they braised into my lamb.
i'm in love with the crunch of dark chocolate against a smooth raspberry sorbet.

i loved how she challenged me [raspberry & beet]
i loved how she held me.

thankfully, i'm no stranger to paying for love.

Posted by steveh at 12:00 AM | Comments (2) | Everday Stuff

March 01, 2007

winter defender

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rodrigo station
winter defense through spandex.
snow, ice, sleet, or rain
i'm here to protect.

Posted by steveh at 10:15 PM | Comments (6) | Everday Stuff

February 25, 2007

oscar's wallet

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i carry a full list of oscar "best pictures" in my wallet.... if i don't know what to rent, i can always pick a classic movie of cinematic importance.

i have never used it.

i also never watch the oscars. they don't award my movies [little miss sunshine vs the departed].

sometimes every tree needs good pruning.

Posted by steveh at 11:46 PM | Comments (4) | Everday Stuff

February 20, 2007

Snickers: 1994 - 2007

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At 5:45 (Central Time) Snickers "Turkey Dog" Hanson passed away. She had been unusually somber the last day, so Dad tried to regale her spirits with Chicken for two. (People food, playing ball and walks never failed to delight her. ) After dinner, she quietly surveyed her backyard dominion one last time. The austere spring air coaxed her to stay out as long as nature would allow. Dignified and clear in spirit, she pittered back to her favorite hallway napping ground, where she gracefully tucked her head between her paws and heaved that peaceful sigh of contentment.

Posted by steveh at 05:45 PM | Comments (8) | Everday Stuff

February 19, 2007

nz appreciation week: train your sheep

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since i was born, the sheep population [new zealand] has decreased from 70 million to 40 million.

trains don't even account for 1% of passenger trips taken within new zealand.

sadly, sheep now comprise less than .0002% of new zealand train conductors.

Posted by steveh at 12:00 AM | Comments (5) | Everday Stuff

February 16, 2007

existentialism

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existentialism: devoting all your time to arts and academics only to realize that future generations won't care because those people don't pass on their jeans.

Posted by steveh at 12:01 AM | Comments (4) | Everday Stuff

February 14, 2007

anatomy of a scam: giftcards

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SCAM.PREREQUISITS
* empty gift card
* recently thrown away receipt with timestamp you can point to.

SCAM.NARRATIVE
"I just returned this sweater... but they wouldn't give me cash, so they credited this gift card [sympathy]. I can't find anything I want [more sympathy], so would you buy this gift card from me at 75% of its value [the hook]. Here's the receipt [build trust]... if you want to use my cell phone, you can call to verify the card [impractical offer, but more trust]..."

SCAM.EXECUTION
scamee hands over $10. scammer heads straight for the door, but not suspiciously fast.

SCAM.SUMMARY
i immediately went to a cashier to verify the card after our transaction. waiting in line was the LONGEST two minutes of my life. luckily, everything was legit.... this time... but i'll never again hand over money without verifying the card first.... no matter how grisly and smoke-filled his voice sounds...

Posted by steveh at 12:00 AM | Comments (8) | Everday Stuff

February 07, 2007

series of tubes :: trouble there-in

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some days everything you should write will get you in trouble with someone... or fired...

so instead, i write about the terrible cold that drove enough bikers indoors that the janitors had to put up indoor warning signs about bikers.

sorry.

Posted by steveh at 12:00 AM | Comments (3) | Everday Stuff

February 01, 2007

bring out your dead

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removed dead leaves from plants and emptied junk from coat pockets.

replaced coat nickles and pennies with quarters.

mourned my carnage before her final burial.

Posted by steveh at 09:57 PM | Comments (5) | Everday Stuff

January 27, 2007

emergency council: dvds

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welcome to the council of dvds final report.

i had blockbuster totalaccess for 12 of my 14-day trial. in this time, i received 2 "wrong" dvds and 2 "broken" dvds. the shows i yearn to watch are demarked as "short wait" or "long wait" and never shipped. furthermore, the in-store free rentals[apparent perk] rarely provide what i want.

are these problems just as prevalent with american start-up netflix [up and coming]???
the council decision: no
code: 74ð

**UPDATE**
upon the unanimous advice of the council, i quit blockbuster and will enlist in netflix. thanks to all participants.

Posted by steveh at 12:42 AM | Comments (12) | Everday Stuff

January 25, 2007

kick in the glass

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warning level :: § [smashed car window]
location :: uptown old chicago
incident time :: 11:00pm [central time]
theivery :: none

calling the police yielded no reaction since (1) there were no witnesses, (2) there were no suspects, (3) there was no hotwiring. insurance company [farmer's] procured new glass within 12 hours, to my amazement. upon first viewing the carnage, i feared the loss of my notes/writing binders. after verifying their safety, all else seemed petty.... but that didn't prevent the drive home from being cold.

Posted by steveh at 11:33 PM | Comments (5) | Everday Stuff

January 21, 2007

official endorsement: leg stretch

** BEGIN OFFICIAL ENDORSEMENT BULLETIN **

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on one leg, stand up straight in front of a chair or table.

keeping it straight, put the other leg up on said chair or table.

stretch.

this is the greatest physical pleasure known to god fearing men. do it daily and your jeans will fit better, you will earn more money and you'll finally find happiness. ignore this warning and a plague of locusts will eat your styrofoam latte cups for seven years.

stretch to be performed en masse at my wedding, child's baptism and funeral.

** TRANSMISSION COMPLETE **

Posted by steveh at 11:54 PM | Comments (5) | Everday Stuff

January 15, 2007

renovation[status::complete]

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*** NEWS ALERT ***
update your bookmarks and interweb habits to comply with new zoning:
» http://www.generationbob.com

feature set:
† photoblog [3-5 new pictures/week]
† quoteblog [1-3 new quotes/week]
† movieblog [2-4 new movie reviews/month]
† midnight urban style [aka "stratosphere @ dusk"]
† plus all the regular generation[bob] posts you love

don't be sorry, go to: http://www.generationbob.com

***************

my apologies for the recent lack of posting, but i've been doing a lot of re-calculating. 2007 is the year of change[life, all aspects]... this new eDentity is step one. hey gb, i'm whiny and afraid you'll stop posting just when i start relying on you for my daily happiness. have faith. many weeks of photos and quotes have already been uploaded to prevent such droughts.

happy birthday generation[bob]... you just hit 365 posts.... that's one computer year!

January 09, 2007

recalculating

next.generation[bob]

status :: re-construction

new.feature :: photoblog
new.feature :: movieblog
new.style :: urban[nightfall]

grand.relaunch :: monday january.15[2007]

Posted by steveh at 10:59 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

December 18, 2006

there is nothing amusing here

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is it more amazing that i keep writing entries or that you keep returning to read them? either way, we are in an unhealthy relationship. thank goodness change is hard. we can continue indefinitely... just don't tell me how i've become more like your mom and i won't tell you my dad leaves comments like that. sure, i may someday add a photoblog or fix my stylesheet, but i'll still be the same jerk... leaving obnoxious posts like this one...

Posted by steveh at 11:33 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

December 14, 2006

list of three

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[one]
quote that made me laugh: "my bed should be like clouds.... but firmer..."

[one plus one]
the new year will hopefully bring about a generation[bob] photoblog. i want it to start with a pink bead necklace that broke in our parking lot... spilling all over the charcoal asphalt...

[one plus one plus one]
paranoias can be quite different. a good friend has general anxiety... all the time. i have small, bizarre worries... like how many squares of toilet paper i use versus my roommate.... if we prorated tp on a per square basis, does our usage warrant a 50-50 cost split???

Posted by steveh at 11:33 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

December 12, 2006

clothes break the man

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overheard [about me]: "does he dress like that to hurt us?"

Posted by steveh at 12:05 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

December 10, 2006

public service: wait lifted

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attention all: in case you have wondered why i stopped bulking up over the past two point five months, my apartment weight room was closed for renovation. with it re-opening this weekend, please prepare yourself to see more muscle gain, effective immediately.
Posted by steveh at 11:07 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

November 28, 2006

a night of death

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driving to bond: ambulance parked askew, lights flashing, neighboring apartment complex, craving a peanut butter cup.

bond: gritty, sobering, real [for a bond film]

driving from bond: hearse, headlights off, man in brisk overcoat, straight posture, neighboring apartment complex. i keep the conversation going, but really am wondering how life changes in a second.

Posted by steveh at 10:04 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

November 27, 2006

best buy has terrible bad service

best buy has terrible service. best buy has bad service. problems with best buy. can you tell where this post is going? answer: nowhere, i blew my wad in the opening.

i bought a warranty (PSP) from best buy (geek squad) for my home computer. the CD/DVD burner stopped working, but everything else was fine. what should have been a simple 1-day part swap, turned into them stealing my computer for a month and never fully resolving the problem.

i will not shop at best buy.
i will not buy a warranty from best buy.

... to end on a happier note, i highly recommend: Penzey's Spices [fresh delicious spices, reasonable prices] and Ing Direct [banking, highest interest rates around, get $25 if i refer you] best buy has bad service. best buy has terrible service.

Posted by steveh at 01:51 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

November 26, 2006

black frydai

actual cnn black frydai article dokumenting:

car maheim in tennessee...

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crazy macy's manhattanness...

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and three shoppers sitting alone at some mall in north dakota.... dontchaknow.... could ya pass dat dere cinnabon, betsie?

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Posted by steveh at 01:12 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

November 21, 2006

Under Seige

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WOMEN AND MEN OF THE STRAKTOSPHERE. THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT. GENERATION BOB UNDER SEIGE BY DISSTRESSOR.

DISSTRESSOR bought google and is using his financial might to tumble the straktosphere [run on google technology]. His unstoppable troops are making headway into Generation Bob's playground. Defeat looks inevitable, which is why we begun diverting resources from electronic shields to establishing a vast network of underground resistence. VIVE LA DISSTRAKT</communication>

Posted by steveh at 10:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

November 14, 2006

a tough nut to crack

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i just opened a new peanut butter [natural: requires stirring] and roomie just had visitors. upon their departure, i realized they used my pb and probably didn't stir compulsively during this crucial mixing phase. if my worst nightmares realize, the bottom third of the jar will be unusable because his guests consumed all the coveted peanut oil.

since the guessed vanished, i obviously can't ask them how vigorously they stirred... and we'll never know whether the knife (a giveaway of how deep they mixed) was hand-washed in a selfless act of giving back to the hosts or a hostile pb-cover-up.

in summary: does anyone want a free jar of natural smucker's chunky peanut butter. buying a new jar is the only way to free my mind from this investigation.

Posted by steveh at 12:52 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

November 13, 2006

unlocky #13

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keys are generally fool proof. you put the right one in the right lock and turn. that's it. sometime's it takes brute strength [lacking, even after delotioning hands] to turn.... sometimes it takes some brainpower [related: trial and error] to remember which key to use.

i tried to unlock my car door [front, driver] but instead of putting the key in the lock, i somehow pushed the entire locking mechanism deep into the door.... where it fell into the hollow, steel depths of my car. the lock still works [auto-unlock-button, other side], and the lock is still there [rolls and clinks when i turn].... but i'll be giggered if i could essplain what just happened....

Posted by steveh at 12:01 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

November 01, 2006

i want my mummy

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some may tell you the day after thanksgiving is the world's best shopping. they would be wrong. the stores smell like old turkey and the merchandise is lame.

today, the day after halloween, is actually the best shopping. wigs, capes, hats and other forms of tom-foolery are on sale.

be there.

Posted by steveh at 09:15 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

October 28, 2006

PUN-tificating

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the pun and i have a long, sordid past. (you never forget your first tool for laughter). she saw me through dozens of sketches, christmas cards, a weekly listserv and plenty of awkward conversations.... until my friends (literally) held an intervention. i admitted i had a problem in 2002 and since then have been cutting my teeth on situation/reality based comedy.

but i often wonder what she is up.... if she still has the same soft, flaxen hair. aside from beautiful straktospherian headlines and anonymously poetic signatures, she never made it big. never got discovered. never played broadway. but she still manages to find work.... as long as there are travel, food and home improvement channels on cable...

Posted by steveh at 12:21 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

October 26, 2006

User Topic #3: A-n-t-s

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Killer ants, insect poisons, asphyxiation from bugs.... bah humbug... i want to talk about nature as art. this guy pours molten metal down abandoned harvester ant nests to frankenstein bastard step-children of Alexander Calder and Jelly Fish. i am amazed that nests of ants, without any blue prints or six-legged formans, can build these beautiful, complex, utilitarian structures.... and all my natural instincts can do is drive me (flawlessly) to the nearest bakery selling chocolate croissants.
Posted by steveh at 12:58 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

October 23, 2006

user topic #2: coincidences

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i love coincidences, but not coin incidents... like the time a penny fell down the steps while i was home alone and i thought a burgler was upstairs.... coincidences, on the other hand, reveal the synchronicity of the universe and happen as frequently as you're willing to look for them.

most recent: friday, a co-worker convinced me to watch "notorious" and then roomie came home an hour later with a rental of notorious.

coolest: late night link hopping the day before spring break, i found and got tickets to a week-long conference on dream symbolism.

Posted by steveh at 11:54 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

October 19, 2006

user topic #1: quirkyalones

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quirkyalones, or "quickyalones" when derided by couplers, are my kind of peeps. steeped in a dark-brew of hearty individualism (capable of even putting hair on my chest), these modern anti-heros snub their solitary nostrils at society's irrational fear of rejection.

why? it's a delicate swatch of idealism, perfectionism and cockynessm pulled taut over the sadistic cannon of anti-hedonic tendencies with a chaser of moderate-to-low self-esteem.

in another words, why hold hands when you can write a poem? why make banal dinner conversation, when you can make an audience laugh? why steal bases when you could watch beakman's world... get your ham radio license... bake croissants... embrace unfettered possibility.

Posted by steveh at 01:01 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

October 16, 2006

still can't sleep

super duper double dog tired. can't sleep. woke up dreaming that i put my upstairs neighbors in burning quicksand... just to make sure the job got done.

creative acts (like blogging) require creative energy.... but you have to pamper yourself and relax in order to recharge your batteries. i am out of snoose after 5 shows this weekend. tonight i recharge with a movie and grilled hamburgers.

Posted by steveh at 10:55 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

October 12, 2006

beakmaniac

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the last time i made out, beakman's world was on tv. not literally while we were making out, duh... i said we were "making out" not "caught up in the most amazing thing ever."

this fall, beakman's world returned to syndication and i now have hope that the rest of my life will fall in place.

anyone wishing to understand how my mind works need only watch one episode (or montage clip). beakman's world is the externalization of my brain: penguin puppets, men in rat suits, lime green lab coats, stupid puns, viewer mail and bad dancing.

fox. saturday mornings. 9am and 10am. (particularly 10am... "the later seasons").

note: all comments reflecting bill nye in a positive light will immediately be deleted and the author will be shot. consider yourself warned.

Posted by steveh at 10:48 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

October 10, 2006

lackluster posts

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for those of you who have noticed a week or two of lame posts, please realize that i haven't slept well in a fortnight. the new upstairs neighbors are clompers, which in the longrun has strengthened my resolve to move... and in the short run has tested my creativity with different ways i could harm them (super-thin super-long needles up through the noise.... microwaves shooting upwards....)

for those of you who had not noticed a difference in quality, please look closer at my posting history. there IS a subtle different between a well polished turd and a turd.

Posted by steveh at 10:19 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

October 02, 2006

Tex-Mex in the City

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this weekend i crashed a wedding reception (in hospital white sneakers) because i heard the call of the dance floor. unlike the elephants in heat, currently residing above me, this call was systematic banging, as only the village people and gloria gaynor know how to do.

recharging my vibe between songs, my only friend in the room left me to my own devices where i struck up a conversation with a local cheese saleswoman.
we talk.
we laughed.
we talked more.
i awkwardly begged her for her sassy sandals, claiming they would complete my ensemble....
and as she got pulled away, she invited me to her cheese shop where i would "learn the secret to amazing grilled cheeses."

so now, a la sarah jessica parker, i type, alone, on my bed: does a relationship need to be based on more than just cheese?

Posted by steveh at 02:01 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

September 21, 2006

jeanetic paranoia

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[utopian setup]
i'm can't bring "anything" back, but i do want to push schlumpy out and this determination spearheaded a quest for the perfect jeans--a quest which recently dropped me in a retro (see: "used") clothing store where i left with the illusive denim dragon slayed and wrapped neatly in his plastic bodybag.

[introduction of problem]
i haven't had time to wash them and they've been burning a whole in the pockets of my other pants... so i did it. i wore used jeans without washing them. all day long my legs have itched. i have felt spiders crawling into my socks. i check myself for ticks every hour. i've googled diseases/infections/infestations that love denim. and i throw-up a little each time i smell their pugnant vintage aroma. in fact, i may be typing this in my office, pantsless.

[a surprising, yet inevitable resolution]
anyone care to mambo? i need something to wisk my mind off her feet.

Posted by steveh at 01:01 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

September 19, 2006

et tu(be.com)

I generally don't like you tube because I'm an old dial-up-er at heart who lives for streamlined, quick-loading pages. Cozy internet armchairs like youtube make me nervous. However, today's menu features a brilliant little video that delights me on so many levels.

plus, it is only 4 seconds long....

Posted by steveh at 11:16 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

September 16, 2006

cock fight

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Why won't anybody fight with me? Tonight I want to bang my head on the coffee table.... scrape my arm on the pavement... sprain my wrist from a well thrown right hook...

I tried picking on people in person.... on the phone... via email.... and everybody ignored me. I guess you're all too good to punch old GB on the arm. Fine. I didn't want to fight anyway.

Posted by steveh at 12:13 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0) | Everday Stuff

September 12, 2006

Lounge Singers

Singing "diamonds are a girl's best friend" at the top of my lungs on 94 westbound, I realized that two of my favorite movies (and CDs) feature lounge singers (technically 3 do, but I don't consider Annie Hall a professional musician)... not only that, but I like these movies because they're about lounge singers.

So where do you get to know them? Why do I only see them in movies? Is it true that if you look around a room and don't see any lounge singers than you are probably the lounge singer? Do any of you have BBQs and invite your lounge singers friends? Someone must because everyone love burgers.

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Satine, Moulin Rouge


"I follow the night."
"When will I begin to live again?"


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Breathless Mahoney, Club Ritz


"You don't know if you want to hit me or kiss me."
Whose side are you on? "The side I'm always on: mine."

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September 06, 2006

quick hits: new muscle found

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i found a new muscle on my leg. it prevents me from sticking my leg out straight while i'm lying on my back and has a penchant for buying hershy bars.

i'm surprised that i actually liked lentils. i guess they are more than a cool bean to glue to mother's day cards.

started playing an online government simulation in an attempt to connect with polisci co-workers on a personal and meaningful level. in five days, my policies lead 12 million citizens into anarchy.

i want to blow my nose right now, but i've got nothing to blow out. i just really want to blow my nose, but not in a cold way. in a dusty-post-sneeze way. it would be very satisfying.

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August 27, 2006

frustration

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I just want to go home. I have grocery shopping, other shopping, cleaning, unpacking, reading, relaxing and many other gerands that I want to accomplish. But my sister is dragging her feet.... wanting to watch videos, wanting to bake pies, wanting to sort through old toys. I would go outside and smash an apple in the driveway out of frustration, but there are so many bees that I would be stung to death walking back to the house, sucrose and blood dripping from my shoes.

What's the deal with posting emails? I had a really fun email I sent someone, but I felt dirty and unloyal also posting on a blog. It was much more interesting than this post.

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August 22, 2006

BDH

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We met at the gym. My normal 25 min routine stretched into 45 min because we had such great conversation. But at the restaurant she only had one-word answers. I tried to talk about travel, movies, art, music, cool local attractions, shared college experiences. However....

"Do you watch a lot of TV?"
"Don't own one."
"Without TV killing your time, you must have a lot of really cool hobbies."
"No. I watch lots of DVDs on my computer."
"Cool, is there a genre you really like? Favorite actor? Series?"
"Nah."
"What did you just watch recently?"
(long pause) "Old School."
"Did you like it?"
"It was fine."
"I thought it was funny, particularly when they were regifting the bread maker... but a little too much naked Will Ferrell for me."
"I guess."

She also looked better at the gym than in the gray hooded sweatshirt she wore to dinner.

Our conversation was disjointed at the gym (pause to exercise to watch something on TV)... but those same gaps stayed at dinner and were painfully long without an activity to distract us.

She physically reminded me of a friend's woman who I have never found attractive, so that was creepy when I looked at her.

Perhaps I went to a bad restaurant since this is my second bad experience. (Last one was meeting an old kindergarten accquaintance)

It was the first time I ever blurted out "no" when the waitor asked if I wanted dessert.

August 21, 2006

Weekend in point

  • Watched Improv A Go Go. Then started wondering how I can get up on stage.
  • 52 minutes of blind date hell. "Would you like a box for the left overs?" "Oh my god, how long will THAT take?"
  • Geeky movie night: Star Wars Holiday Special. Waste of time. The first 9 minutes were wookie yelps, with no dialogue or subtitles. Grandpa wookie watched wookie porn in the family livingroom. Creapy shudders.
  • Amazed by nature at Como park. Saw a spider web that must have been 4'x4'.

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August 14, 2006

Anonymous Poet

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A caped crusader with his sidekick of rhymed couplets, who exactly is the Anonymous Poet? He is a friend and guardian of Generation Bob's playground called in by the telltale signs of comment-dearth. Equipped with the brilliance of Mark Twain, the wit of Ambrose Bierce and the signature mask of a grandmaster ninja, he assaults boredom with sais of motif.

Your secret is safe with me. It's the least I can do.

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August 04, 2006

a week of no sleep

night(s) 1, 2: loud neighbors until 2am. complaining only yielded that she has guests who will be gone after night 3.

night 3: stay out until 1am since neighbors would keep me up. went for drinks with a really famous national improver. just being around him inspired me to be a better performer. improv is a way of life, not a 2-hour show.

night 4: dead tired, i went to bed early, took a sleeping pill just to be sure, and slept like a baby.

night 5: normal sleep. dream of visiting a magical germanic castle a few hours north of minneapolis. the front gates of minneapolis had a fountain but hidden in the fountain was a beautiful soap mold. if you brought soap mix, you could have a magestic sea-shell shaped bar. riding around town in carrage you could tell a lot about the buildings in town (all shaped like warehouses) by the varying colours of blue that were painted on them. later at a fancy-pants restaurant, i got up to go to the bathroom.... walking through the "bathroom" door was a maze of stairs, swimming pool, elevator and escalator... all amounting to an additional 10 minutes of travel to actually reach the toilet.

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July 30, 2006

Good Karma

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Quietly transfering mail for an even quieter faculty member, a high pitched scream reverbates through the 12th floor of my office complex. STEVE, HELP. I come running out, with a shoe-less colleague to find a book case falling on top of a pregnant faculty member. She and her husband are doing all they can to keep the bookcase from teetering harder than the town drunkerd. We help push the bookcase back against the wall and the adrenaline slowly wore off.

Later that day, I got a free pencil. I love how the universe rewards good deeds.

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July 28, 2006

YOURsoapEYE

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when was the last time you got soap in your eye? it almost happened to me tonight. after the sudden rush of fear, i was over come with memories of tear-free johnson and johnson's shampoo. why did i ever switch? i don't think this conditioner stuff is doing that much for me.

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July 25, 2006

Choco Leibniz

Unhinging the Press-and-Seal crinkles like a roll of fresh packing tape. I move to the kitchen because my roommate is trying to sleep for the bar exam in the bedroom next to mine. Suddenly, the packaging bursts open and I am overcome with the fragrance of graham cracker. It's actually butterier than graham crackers, but my nose never figures that out. I pour 2% chocolate milk into my cow coffee mug and walk back to my bedroom.

Admiring the matching "fork marks" on the cookie and chocolate it's hard to tell exactly what the proportions of chocolate to cookie will be. The words "coco leibniz" are etched in between dimples on the cookie. I take my first bite and am immediately amazed by the crunch of this sturdy bar. An initial sting of bitterness hits my tongue as the crisp chomps slowly melt into a rich wave of milk chocolate. I take a second bite and don't notice the bitterness, just the primordial dance of butterfats and cacao.

The bite mark reveals the cookie is 80% biscuit despite the balance of flavor with his oft overpowering brother, cacao. I take a drink to clear my palette and dunk the cookie. The biscuit is impenetrable by liquid and the crunching is only exacerbated by the suddenly cooled chocolate. Another sip of milk washes away the straggling shards of biscuit. With one sixth of the bar left, I take a big sip of milk and simultaneously crunch the bar as if Kellogg's had finally based a cereal off my input. The final bite was disappointing because I loved the bipolar change from bad cop crunch to the good cop salve of chocolate. Perhaps, this is why they are best eaten in pairs.

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July 24, 2006

Stuff on my cat

Why yes, there is stuff on my cat [.com]. What can one say when they come across this site? I am without words. My favorite was the cat-as-placemat.

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July 21, 2006

this is one of those posts

i feel as though a posting is necessary, but i haven't done much that's blogworthy.... been mostly keeping to myself. our chimeny got swept yesterday. now we won't start fires while we aren't using our fireplace. roomie is studying hard for the bar next week. got rid of old books. threw out old boxes. reorganizing the office. excited for m. night shamalan's new movie. wish i had eaten more ice-cream. had forgotten how much i love summer thunderstorms. don't know what to do with monopoly money i keep finding as i clean.

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July 18, 2006

windscape

The sun rises over the deep green hills of Southern Minnesota. The shadow of a loon silloettes the burgeoning red fireball and I turn my attention to comforting churn of white propellers. Each rotation drains another quarter penny out of the wallet of one foolish blog owner who just agreed to power his apartment with wind.

It's only $1/week, but part of me feels like I've been taken for a ride.

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July 17, 2006

a week without reading

the week without reading is over and it was tough.

downside of the week: interesting people i missed emailing and fun blogmasters i missed interacting with.
upside: learned how frequently i went to cnn and other junk sites just as a way to pass time.
verdict: hope to use that junk time more efficiently.

(nothing to report about giving up tv. it was easy and i didn't miss it much)

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July 09, 2006

experiments: no reading & graffiti of life

Experiment One:
I am on a reading deprivation diet because my arteries have become clogged with transfatty cnn.coms and high cholestoral economist.coms. As a side-effect, I also won't be reading blog comments or your blogs.

Experiment Two:
A week of unfettered, unmoderated commental freedom.

In the comments section, introduce yourself to others (for real or fictitiously)... introduce yourself again how you really are... if you're having a bad day, write "i feel rotten" and don't sign your name.... if your bored, write what you'd love to be doing now.... start a story.... write a poem.... journal... relax... laugh.... live.... vent.... interact... just be you....

The only rules are: no profane comments, no junk comments (that goes for you too mr. junk commentor) and don't belittle other people's posts. What happens when people are given a blank virtual space to interact freely and safely? Please write. If you're stuck, write about these random internet people:

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Are you ready for the graffiti of life?

Update 07.13.2006
Experiment one is tougher than I expected, and I find myself accidently reading quite often.
Experiment two is done and was a bust. Thanks to "not a muse" for playing along.

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July 06, 2006

Multiple Choice

I made a friend pick between reading my blog and giving me his grill. Now I've got a charcoal weber sitting on my back stoop and I don't really know what to do with it. I'd love to make perfect burgers, but betting odds favor:

[a] burning down something taller than 6 feet
[b] food poisoning within 48 hours
[c] a spontaneous game of scrabble

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June 28, 2006

Riverpeople

Walking along the Mississippi, I strayed from the cement path, following well beat-down grass for thirty feet so that I could get a view of the sunset while sitting on a stony alcove. Unsure if I was trespassing on Federal land, my palms sweat for a few minutes until I ran into a barefoot middle-aged man drinking Mountain Dew, two couple with guitars singing like John Mayer and another couple watching the sky from a blanket they brought with them or made there... I don't know which. I was suddenly surrounded by more people in these bluffs than the sidewalk along river road.

The sunset was beautiful, I saw real fish flopping around in the Mississippi and a pair of birds fluttered around the bushes. Was I actually in St. Paul proper?

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June 24, 2006