why is my apartment so cold?

i'm wearing pajamas and sweats, and i go to bed cold.
i have a hot plate next to my bed, and my water is still cold.
i have two down comforters on my bed, and i wake up cold.
cold slaw.

Efficiency and practicality

I am house/dog sitting for some relatives and the one thing I have learned about myself while living "alone" these 24 hours: I like my apartment laid out efficiently and practically. I have no time for frilly decorations. I don't want to open a bah-boosh-kah doll just to find my fork.

I took the butter out of it's froo-froo container in the fridge and put it on a plate in the kitchen so it would be warm.

I took the toaster out of it's cozy inside a cupboard and put in on the counter where God intended it.

I laid out my toilettries on the bathroom counter so I could see exactly what I brought with me.

And I rumpled up the nicely made bed.

If It's "My Apt" you want...

If It's "My Apartment" entries you want, it's my apartment entries you'll get ol' Snot Nose.

I had a really poignant post, but I forgot it during the car ride. Fargo's traffic is so different from MSP. I was out at 5:15 and traffic flowed smoothly... I love shopping here because all of the shops you want to go to are within 5 minutes of each other. In a mad dash to buy Fajita Fixins, I was running through the grocery store and I had 3 people say "Excuse me" as if they had just rammed their cart into my glass leg.... when really all that happened was my big down jacket graced the edge of their cart or jacket.

Now that I've wasted 2 paragraphs of a My Apt entry, I will link to my Christmas Present to myself. Nobody ever buys prints when they are on my list, so this year I decided I owed myself a Christmas present. I always appreciate my own thoughtfullness.

Anger, Hatred, Rage

Today I am exhausted, frustrated, crabby and very, very tired. We got new neighbors who recently moved here from hell and they are extremely loud. So far, management has not been able to quell their need to spike our decibel meter.

I am half a step away from cutting off our microwave door and drilling the nuke to our ceiling. When the noise starts, I will turn it on for an hour and finally come home to silence.

Cleaning, Buttons and Horseradish

The apartment had fallen into disarray, so I spent all evening doing dishes, wiping countertops (first for crumbs, then with disinfectant), mopping floors (once with Ammonia and then with hot water), vacuuming (once with the power off for practice, then with the power on as far as the cord would reach) and shaking every rug (once inside, then outside). It must be molting season because I found three of Nathan’s buttons. (I guess they’re his since most of my t-shirts are buttonless.)

Then I entered post-it notes from the kitchen into my computer so I could throw them out… but I didn’t really know how to translate this recipe. (My chemist parents would be horrified…)

Onion Ring Dipping Sauce
2 blobs Mayo
1 blob S. Cream
3 knifetips of Horse
“  “ of Onion Soup
3 sprinkles Paprika
6 drops Tabasco.

The Junk Wall

I have 14 issues of Midwestern Home and Garden, 4 ugly pottery projects and a broken computer (among other things) sitting on my dining room floor. The pile of junk has plagued me long enough.

I started reading the magazines on the bus today and I learned about Feng Shui and Tea Ceremonies. Cluttered rooms are often a sign of cluttered lives… too many people making too many demands on you… choking out the important things. That’s how I feel. I don’t need to drop friends until my circle of friends shrinks to a line, but I have started throwing out old clothes, my old computer, and pottery I regretted making. My goal is to get the junk wall under control… then I can tackle my life and put an end to dreams about annoying people calling my cell phone… where I just clip the cell phone on my hip and let them talk until they hang up. I have no interest in their sob stories.

Storm Picture

Upon hearing news of funnel clouds at Lexington and Larpenteur, I wandered out in my shorts and blue hoody to take pictures. The hail was jujube to junior mint sized.

Stackable Ideas

Today some friends came over for the first time ever and they were shocked at how unorganized my room appeared. The comment has been sitting at the back of my head all evening and I think my room appears unorganized because I need a studio: too much is happening in the bedroom! (never thought I would say that...) I am in the middle of writing a play, poetry collection, comedy routine, autobiographical story and many other things. All of these projects have notes, papers, and ideas associated with them that I like to keep out (read: I need to keep out). Since my bedroom only has about 2 square feet of available countertop space (and a narrow band 2.5’x10’ for walking), the projects just pile on top of each other. Maybe I need to build upwards like the city I just visited.

Star crossed love-seats and other home decór

It was the last day I was in Cancun, a city which is very close to my heart, or as close to my heart as you can be with high humidity. My family and I had decided to go shopping.... I was looking for CDs and VHSs in Spanish (so I could pretend I understood them and wow all the ladies). I wandered through an eclectic Pier-one-ish store that didn't import anything that wasn't from Mexico. I saw this sculpture on display and I knew we were meant to be. (I'm sure by buying it I answered some 5 peso bet about exactly how much junk American tourists will buy.)
I have never fallen in love, but I always imagined it would be something like seeing this sculpture. I was so taken by it... it's beauty... it's wit... it's individuality... it's spontaneity... (ooooh, pretty colours...) that there was nothing I wanted more than to spend the rest of my life in its spiky green company. The end of this month marks our 6 year anniversary. Thank you for sharing your life with me, strange orange thing with three feet and leaves!

Lights Out on Bad Habits... or... Only Straight Screws for Me

Like David Sedaris, I have a few strange compulsive behaviours that my mother noticed at an early age. Most of them are pretty minor and not worth mentioning... but one day she told me that I needed to stop them or else I would end up like a family friend who insisted that all of the screws on his light switches and electrical face plates were perfectly aligned up and down. When she said that to me, my world made perfect sense and I knew I would have to straighten the screws on all of my lighting/electrical fixtures. However, I took a liberal approach to screw straightening and decided it wasn't worth the hassle of making all the screws in my house point up and down.... instead, I make sure that all of the screws on a single face plate are parallel with each other and either parallel or perpendicular with the ground.
You may have noticed a little aqua sun on the face plate (or maybe you didn't)... but I can never remember which switch is for the garbage disposal and which is for the light.... so I drew a picture of a sun above the garbage disposal... j/k.. it's actually above the light switch. Similarly, I can never remember which way to turn what handle on my shower to get the proper temperature.... but I haven't found a way to incorporate a little, aqua sun yet..... stay tuned for pictures of me trying to figure out that dilemma tomorrow.... showering the way God intended me to shower.... with my white, ankle length socks on...

Mantle Bowling

Eric had mentioned a close up of the pots on the mantle, so here they are. I threw them in 2003 out of porcelain for a class I took in Aberdeen. They are about half a foot tall and 1/16" to 1/8" thick (We'll say 3/32nds"). Just like I like thin glassware, I also like thin ceramics.... and I also like thin, dainty cookies that you can eat lots of instead of beefy, uncouth, farm-hand cookies. I am trying to think if there is anything that I like bulkier and I can't come up with anything. I am so bulky and muscular that I usually like thin, ethereal, dainty things to compliment my build.
I used one glaze on the outside of the pots that turns blue or brown depending on the thickness of the glaze and firing technique used. You can see the throw marks from my fingers wrapping around the pots.... I think it gives them personality. If you want smooth, completely even, mundane bowls, you can buy them from the Walmart. But if you want insouciant pots with character, you can get those from real potters. If you don't know any real potters and you don't want to spring for the rolled-back prices of the Walmart, you make them yourself like I did.
The drippy globby-ness near the top is from a clear glaze I used to coat the inside and rim of the pot. The feet are different because I hadn't intended them to be a set when I threw them.... but I fell in love with this glaze and started doing everything in it.... kind of like how I feel in love with Pepperjack cheese and have been eating it for breakfast every day this year.

The fruitboard

Next to my sink I have a wall (technically a side of a cupboard) where I affix all of the stickers from fruit I eat. (If I throw out the fruit, the sticker also gets thrown out.) This fruitboard has been operational for about 1 year and the stickers (from left to right) are from Bananas, Apples, Peaches, Nectarines and Plums. The last 3 columns are not scheduled for much growth since my roommate who moved out was the only one who ate them. (I prefer my peaches pickled, which means they don't come with stickers). The fruitboard is a tradition that dates back to my 4th year of college. One of my roommates was eating a Banana next to the sink, didn't know what to do with the sticker, and stuck it on the cupboard. The tradition slowly grew and everyone in the apartment started doing the same thing… mainly because we were all too lazy to take the sticker down and throw it out like normal people.
I am a little worried about this particular fruitboard because the banana growth has been exponential! My roommate started sticking her apples too close to the bananas. To make matters worse, my new roommate only eats bananas… if you catch my drift…
When looking at any fruitboard, there are two natural imbalances you must take into account before making any judgments: (1) some fruits (particularly bananas) only put 1 or 2 stickers per bunch. So each sticker actually signifies 2-3 consumed bananas. (2) The stickers are different sizes. The banana sticker is huge, but at the same time it is not 2-3 times the nectarine sticker like it should be. So what is the comparative factor that determines sticker size? fruit weight? fruit mass? fruit calories? fruit importance? corporate fruit donations to the FDA?
Other things pictured with the fruitboard: my electric fry pan, which I use for cooking everything (even my world famous burgers!). I think I would starve if it weren’t for this creation (and hot-pockets/lime jello). My new plates. They are like fiesta ware, but square.... kind of like I am 1/2 party and 1/2 square. (As I write this all, they are starting to sound like the mullet of dinnerware.) My glasses I spent 2 months searching for and ended up settling for Martha Stewart "Living" glasses. I need to have glasses without any frills (no strange lines, funky patterns, ripples, bubbles, etc)... they must be big (14oz+... I drink a lot and I hate getting up to refill the glasses. Juice glasses are a waste of money. If you only want a little bit, pour 1/4 a glass!!!! I HATE JUICE GLASSES!!!!)... they must be light (I take all the glasses out of their packaging before I buy them to see how heavy they are. I am weak enough as is it and my wrists give out if the glass is too heavy before you even add the beverage.)
The top shelf holds tupperware and peanut products. I basically have my kitchen arranged so I don't have to bend down. If you are relegated to a lower shelf, you probably don't have much clout with me. (Juice glasses would go below the lower shelf if such a place existed... the only one I can think of is hell, which is probably the only place to exclusively use juice glasses). In summary, that's why plates, glasses, Tupperware and peanut products are all on the top shelf.

Carrying the Mantle of Steve

I personally thought this ought to be posted as a comment in my prior entry, but Eric insisted that this is a new and exciting topic. It's obvious that he doesn't get out much if he thinks a mantle is exciting, but without further ado..... my mantle.....

The pottery on the left is from a porcelain series I made in 2003. The big pot contains movie stubs from everything I have seen the last 2-4 years. The candles on the left are a Christmas present (part of replacing my previous roommate) and it also happens to be the first candelabra I have ever owned. The little kimonos beneath the picture are from my cousin who taught English in Japan for many years. My previous roommate thought they were too beautiful to be used as coasters, so she put them above the fireplace. I'm not sure if I will keep them there because it may be a little too cluttered for my tastes.... but I do like how the water splotches on the coasters match the water splotches on my picture's matte.