I took from this class a sense of understanding about media that I have often been without. In the past I have believed that television and media could be watched but not supported by having a critical eye. In this class I thought I would have a more critical eye and be able to take different things from the media and popular culture. I have however come to the conclusion that this isnt realistic. One has to operate outside the system in order to not support the ideologies.
This is about older women dating younger men. Women have been stigmatized as bitches and so forth. In some cultures, It is taboo but in the american culture, it is widely accepted. I think there shouldn't be any such problems with this. I think women should be allowed to follow whom ever they please no matter the age. If a woman can support herself and her decision, I say go ahead.
All I can say is that these sites are kind of disturbing. I have no problem with an older woman dating younger men (hey, it seems to be working for Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore...) but these sites make it seem like it's all about sex. The urban cougar website even said something about "Playboy has its bunnies" so why can't they have a cougar of the month? This month's featured cougar, Dariea, is well-known for having been Kim Basinger's body double (and the article specifically states that she did all the nude scenes). Dariea is also pictured topless and in some very sexualized poses. It seems like being a cougar is all about having a hot body and wanting sex from younger men, not being a powerful, confident older woman.
My first reaction to the website was a little surprising. I had heard about cougars before, and when first learning about what it actually means to be a cougar, it didn't really bother me. However I feel that this website makes me want to change my mind about a cougar lifestyle. It seems to me that cougars are not only looking for a relationship with a younger partner, but they also seem to focus a lot on going out and partying all the time. The website portrays a cougar as looking for someone who wants promiscuous sex and likes to drink a lot. From the urbancougar store, people can buy t-shirts and hats saying I love cougars, but the trucker hat with the logo and two legs parting from each side of the logo is a little offputting. The statement is that cougar women are all about seducing someone and then having sex whenever they want to. Of course the supposed cougar woman is in control of herself, but this website seems to be sending the message that they are wild and out of control.
Overall I feel as if I am taking away many things from this course, the knowledge that there is no one way to define feminism, a new love for Desperate Housewives, and a definite re-inforced love for Sex & the City. But what I find myself taking away the most is a new awareness especially after just looking at the cougar websites. And also looking back on blog 3 and my search for a teen television role model. I enjoyed Alison Bechdel's reading that we attended as well. I plan to read Fun Home as soon as I am done with finals.
I found the first site (Urbancougars) interesting yet annoying at the same time. The first thing I read on the site was the description of cougars in general and the single word that caught my eye was "sophisticated". I am still not sure how I feel about that word being applied to women who consider themselves animals. Next I read an article ripping Madonna apart for dancing too provocatively with Justin Timberlake. I'm confused...isn't this celebrating older women going for younger men...are we a little jealous of Madonna Ms Urbancougar? Finally I wrapped up my tour of the site with the cougar of the month who happened to be Dariea. While reading bits and pieces of her article I made up my mind on how I felt about the site. Completely disgusted. Maybe this was an older women who was going after younger men but from her interview/description I would think she was younger than myself. I found her interests most amusing, "I love...dancing and singing, even though I'd be a perfect candidate for the American Idols 'Bloopers' show! I love...Diet Coke Zero - I think I'd die without it. My favorite thing to do is have a Pina Colada and throw myself right onto the sand without a towel to sun my buns...I am spontaneous and kind of a brat." In another question she was asked what she thought it took to be a cougar. In her answer I found another word that stuck out and scratched me the wrong way - "class". Because this was probably the last thing she had especially after reading her story of taking a friend's dare to climb up the stripper pole in a dress. Oh lol! good times with Dariea!
The second site (cougared) appeared a bit more down to earth yet also came off as just a bunch of desperate women.
I believe motherhood figures are portrayed in differently depending on the genre of the media. I believe in this generation of television specifically, mothers are portrayed much differently than when I was growing up. Mothers are portrayed much more laid back. Since segregation by race is no longer a very common practice I do not see television moms being influenced by this factor. Class will always be present in our society yet when we viewed Desperate Housewives the mothers were all from the same neighborhood and it can be assumed, the same class as well. But each mother of the show handled parenthood differently leading me to believe class does not have much influence over motherhood either. The mothers of Desperate Housewives do have something cartoon mothers do not have though - sexuality. The mothers of Desperate Housewives are portrayed as sexy and desirable. Modern pop culture has definitely taken a liking to sexuality and has no shame letting everyone know this through the media.
When i first looked at these cites i thought it was the wrong place, that my computer had some type of virus and it was taking me to a porno cite. Then i realized this is what i was supposed to be looking at. Well i have to say i think it is great that this women are so physically fit and feel great about themselves, but seriously i want to tell them to grow up!! I know that so many people joke that guys just never grow up and go through a mid life crises and try to marry some young hottie, and i think that is rediculous. Now women are stupping to the level of a man!! i thought that women were better then that. I dont think you should be proud of the fact that you are hot and can sleep around at any age in your life. It makes me wonder what kind of life these women lived and how unfufilled they must feel that they need to look for young hot guys to make them good about themselves. As for the show age of love i am not sure if they are re airing it, but i remember actually watching that show. I never really thought of it so in depth but just that they were looking for love the wrong way obviously. I don't remember the outcome, but i am sorry to say that this young man is not going to be with a almost 50 year old women for a long time i find it hard to believe unless she is very immature, then it couldn't be a serious relationship to me. It does happen though, but developmentally they are at different stages of their life, they have expereicend different things growing up, not as easy to connect.
My initial thought, before I visited any of the sites listed, was that of "who cares! men can do it, what's so wrong with women going for the younger men?" SO MUCH. The problem isn't so much about older women going for younger men, but it's the way in which it's not only portrayed, but how it's sold to women (and men) as an over sexualized and disgusting way.
www.urbancougar.com
While this site seems fairly harmless initially, soon it was easy to see how horrible it really was. First of all, it's perpetuating and supporting the idea that in order for older women to get younger men, they must look younger than they actually are. And they must dress younger and act younger as well. You can be 60, but you must look 30, or at least portray that you strive to look 30. The women are also portrayed as being wealthy or in search of wealth, looking like plastic versions of themselves in expensive clothing.
Problem number two, and most problematic for me: the fact that it's the 'cougar' and the 'prey.' I could go into some intense depth about how problematic this is, however, I think it's relatively clear. They categorize the prey, an example of this being "The Virgin: Not an actual virgin, but rather the guy who gets the deer in the headlights look after you've made your advance. Once you've stunned him, he'll be in your bed in less than 60 seconds flat. But be careful. He may become attached. It's best you tell him to leave immediately so as not to give him the wrong idea." And then the genus of the 'cougar.' It's portrayed as a game, which I suppose cougar and prey could be seen as a game.
www.cougared.com
On this site I was introduced, by a lovely 'prey,' the term 'poacher,' which refers to a man around the same age as the 'cougar' who basically wins her over. I think turning this perfectly natural thing, the idea of an older woman and a younger man dating, into a game. A game. And one that creates a problematic relationship from the beginning. Mother-son?
Age of Love
This show also displays problematic themes. First of all, the show is based upon the premis that Mark Philippoussis will fall in love with any of the women on this dating show. With that problem out of the way, let's take a look at the fact that Philippoussis has the 'duty' of choosing between women in their 20's and women in their 40's. It has been noted (on wikipedia) that there was an unfair difference in ages where Philippoussis was only 3 years older than the oldest 20 year old but 9 years younger than the youngest 40 year old. Then, factor in the fact that he is choosing between not only individual women, but an age group of women, heck! He, of course, chose a 20-something.
Gross.
My impressions on these sites were firstly, I can’t say I am surprised that a site like this exists. In this day and age, it seems like any and everything someone could be looking for can be found on the internet. The first thing I thought about when browsing these sites is that the creators are using stereotypes and societal ideals to their advantage. This site is based on the idea that older women are hunters and younger men are their prey. I don’t understand why anyone has to be prey. It seems like the rejection of patriarchy, but the birth of matriarchy. It should be about making things equal, not one group dominating the other. Also, I believe there are some women who sign up just because of the fear that is established in women about getting older and losing their “value”. On the other side, the creators of these sites are providing a service that is not within the norm of society. Older men are constantly with younger women but the inverse is not as widely accepted so this site is helping to even that particular playing field.
I have mixed feelings because while the creators are creating change in traditional roles in dating, they are using stereotypes to do this. I understand their mission, but I am not necessarily a fan of their methods.
The websites that were listed to go to made the image of the couger seem like it is a negatve thing. It portrayed the image of the couger woman to be animal like. They explained her as going to catch her prey, which meant the younger guys that she was going after. The way women get put down for being a couger and going after younger men is terrible. Men go after younger women all the time and society gives them props for it. I think why women are getting looked at negative for younger men is because it is displaying that they are being independent and are taking over their own lives. Society might look as this as negaitve because, they might think that these are only traits that male should posess which isn't true in modern society.
When I went to both of the sites listed, I was not that shocked at how the women represented themselves. When I think of the term cougar and it's connotative form, it makes me think of the movie "American Pie." Stiffler's mom was considered to be a sort of sexual conquest for the guys that he had friendships with. To me, the term cougar gets compared to the idea of sexually experienced and could teach a younger guy a thing or two on how to become a man. However, when it comes to the exact opposite where an older man dates a younger woman, it is because these men tend to be thought of as more mature. The idea of being experienced sexually does not become that much of a target focus with older men. It makes me think about why women continue being placed in these sexual based ideas while men are continued to be thought of as mature and wise.
The animal aspect of this urbancougar.com is sort of appalling to me. I understand that the post-feminist era has an aspect that is very sexualized, but it seems unnecessary to me to make the same mistakes that men have been making for centuries. Objectifying people seems like a step backwards to me, regardless of the fact that the genders are indeed reversed. Referring to men as ‘prey’ is no better than what we have all been referred to on any given day. I fully support a woman’s right to be sexually active with whatever age partner she chooses (obviously within the limitations of the law…I hope that was a given…), and I support her right to a purely sexual relationship in that as well. But this seems like we are simply trying our turn at being the jerks that men have been for years, the jerks that spurred a woman’s revolution. Step backwards indeed.
While Cougared.com isn’t necessarily a step forwards, it seems a lot more dignified than urbancougar.com. It simply seems like a dating site specific to the desires of self-proclaimed ‘cougars’ and the men that might interest them. It still seems a bit superficial, but I think for the most part it is not horribly degrading to either gender.
These were very interesting websites, I'm not really sure how I feel about them. I like the idea that women are leveling the playing field with men, by dating men of a younger generation. But It's difficult to understand their lifestyle. From the forums, it seems that many of the men just think of these women as sex objects, yet many of the women think the same of the men. Something I like about this is that these women are embracing their age, and not running from it like many women do.
It was hard for me to think of just one thing. Before this class I didn't really realize the potential that certain shows have for feminism (Buffy, Desperate Housewives). With my groups' project in mind I looked up the author of our graphic novel, Ellen Forney. I really like her book "I Love Led Zeppelin" and urge all of you to take a look at her website and see the work that she has done. She also has a blog that is interesting and fun!
I remember seeing some of the episodes for Age of Love when it was on, I believe last summer? Anyway I thought the show was tacky just because they set up a good looking guy with 20 somethings and then 40 somethings. I think the guy was in his late 20s, early 30s. The older women looked just about as good the younger but you could tell that he wanted someone a little bit younger that could keep up with his lifestyle. I thought the 20 somethings looked like idiots compared to the older women but he ultimately picked the younger girl. The two websites we had to look at were also a bit tacky. I'm not against older women dating younger guys I just think the websites are set up so the women are being exploited. They have to sell themselves through their bodies. Regardless of what kind of educational background they may have, their implants are still the things being focused on. If women want to get younger guys and maybe not have a committed relationship I think they should just go the club or the bar and find some guy. I'm sure there will be someone out there for them.
When I visited these sites I was pretty shocked at what I saw. Porn right! Iam a dude… Old women are cougars? They hunt younger men for satisfaction? Whatever it means from the sites, it seems like it has become appropriate for older women to land a young man. Is a cougar a hot older woman? Like a MILF. Same idea right except it’s the other way around as far as who would like to F who. In my opinion I do not think it’s a big deal. If an older woman can pull a young man well than that’s great. Some of the other sites promoted some interesting ideas, like older married women seeking young men, nothing too shocking to me in today’s society. I do think it is pretty funny that there are actual websites that relate to this idea, but I guess you can truly find anything on the net. I also thought the handy list at cougared.com was funny, the criteria sounds great in the advertisement, but when it all comes down to it I am sure it is just a mess
My initial reaction to these websites was almost disbelief and humor that these sites exist. Even after viewing it a few times, I kept thinking that this was a joke (people can't really take this site or use seriously) especially with the very corny lines they have up. They've got "hunting tips," den locations, stories, etc. It was odd to see a site for and used by females that refers to themselves and their activities in animal ways. If you also check out the Cougar of the month - they have very sexual pictures of half naked women flaunting their looks comparing themselves to playboy/penthouse but real life women which seemed to exploit or focus only on physical characteristics of women. The only upside or positive thing I could reference is that the women seem very strong/confident, one lady said, "We all seem to have this need to be in charge and in control in all areas of our life including our sex lives which of course is attractive to men of any age!" Many refer to having their own careers, being independent and not looking for a man to depend on.
Example of wording from site.
Ahh, the elusive Cougar. Darting from Tree to Tree, Bush to Bush, stealthily stalking their prey. They remain out of sight... Most of the time...whether on the street or in the movies, have you spotted one of these Beautiful Creatures?.
The urbancougar.com site was much more "entertaining" and elaborate in celebrating cougar women/lifestyle. The cougared.com seemed more like any other dating site (with a theme)
The first thing I noticed while visiting the sites, was the fact that these older women are being referred to as animals, cougars, and their prey is younger men. I started to think of why these women were labeled cougars, but it came to be that people probably do not think it is acceptable for older women to be with younger men. It is as if they have to hunt for their prey, who are very helpless and are targeted as victims. I personally do not think it as such. I believe that if an older woman wants to be with a younger man, more power to her. There are many helpful links and services provided, but one struck me as crazy. Cougar wives is a link that brings you to all sorts of websites that are all about wives that cheat and are looking for others to cheat with. Overall, I think that it is great that these "cougars" have someplace to go to organize and support each other.
The first thing I noticed when I went to urbancougar.com was that there was an advertisement for some product that is similar to botox, some age defying cream. It is interesting that these women have "overcome the sexual stigma of older women having sex" but are still targeted by age defying products. You'd think they would strive not to have advertisements like that on their website because it perpetuates the stereotype that they are old and that is something they need to "fix." I also noticed that a lot of the pictures that were up didn't look like very old women, most of them seem to be in their 40's maybe. There are no pictures of actually old women. I also found it interesting that they kept talking about younger men as their prey, as if the only way they would be able to have sex with them is if they hunted them down. cougared.com talked about how not all cougars need to have money to be a cougar. I found this interesting that this stereotype is prevalent and it reminds me of sugar daddies. I couldn't find anything about the defunct age of love on nbc.com. Did anyone else have troubles finding that?
Maybe I won't appreciate what it takes to be a cougar until i am of cougar age but these women are kind of nasty. All the power to them if they wan't to go to the gym and take care of themselves, look good and whatever, but if the reason they are going to the gym is to hook up with guys in their twenties- they've got their priorities crooked. The one thing that strikes me from urbancougar.com is that is only about the hunt and kill and not about forming relationships. This was made very clear in one of the "hunting tips" that mentioned going to dive bars was great because there were tons of college kids it was like "shooting fish in a barrell". From the show age of love it seems that the guy picked a younger one... which could be because they have more in common- are at closer places in their lives- or that cougars are just for sex and not for relationships. I don't know- it just seems like there is very little room for respect within cougar/cub relationships and not really any want for it- which disturbs me just a little.
Check out the websites urbancougar.com , cougared.com and the site for the now defunct Age of Love on NBC.com. Post a your reactions.