Both of these articles made me more paranoid about giving support. The first one said that if you give too much visible support and not enough invisible support it can be detrimental to the person you're giving the support to. Then they added if you give too much invisible support and not enough visible support it can also be detrimental. Obviously the goal of giving support is to help out your partner. I was not aware that how much you give of the two different types can change the perception of the receiver. You really need to be careful when offering up support for someone. The more I thought about it the more sense it made. In high school when I would come home from school stressed out about a project I would get angry when my dad would try to give me advice.. I thought what does he know? High school was way easier when he was younger. So I understand why giving advice would annoy someone. What I had a hard time understanding was why doing things for your partner, like unloading the dishwasher, or organizing the closet too much can be detrimental. In my opinion I would think that I had the best husband ever and wouldn't feel dependent at all, but I guess that's just me. What I also have a hard time understanding is why, as mentioned in the second article, when given support right before a big speech can make you perform worse. I mean I know it makes me more nervous when someone tells me I'm going to do great because I think that they have higher expectations than what I'm able to do. The second article mentioned just that. You feel indebted to whoever is giving you that support and feel like you need to do well for them. I can see how that could increase stress level and therefore decrease performance. These articles taught me that I really need to watch out how much support I am giving in a relationship and how to make sure that it will be beneficial.
Stop, You're Supporting Me Too Much
TrackBack URL: http://blog.lib.umn.edu/cgi-bin/mt-tb.cgi/167475