Recently in 3. Marriage Category

Under a high rate of divorcing, people may think that getting married is not a good idea, put it in another word, if getting married is good then why would they get divorced? In fact, getting married was suggested as "pathways to health" by Theodore F. Robles and Janice K. Kiecolt-Glaser. An incredible research resulted that the mortality rate of married individual is 50%higher among female and 250% higher among male. This result surprises me in some degree just because the percentage rises in male is dramatically high, however, it sounds making sense to me as female are tended to be more socialized in a family and they were taught to be nurturing and taking care of other people. As the writing also mentioned that social isolation would bring terrible effect even worse than cigarette smoking, female bring more social life and network to her spouse and thus increases her husband's rate of mortality.

Unfortunately, the above benefit of getting married is not applying on everyone, the study also suggested that greater dyadic satisfaction would decrease 29% of mortality for people who suffer end stage renal disease but an increase of 46% in risk of mortality was associated with relationship negativity. It shows that the quality of marriage do affect our health, not just in this case, but also affect cardiovascular, endocrine and immune functions as suggested. Bad marital functioning could also associate with bad health habit like smoking and alcohol abuse.

Over all, poor marriage may sounds terrible to you but one important thing -when people get married, they never seen for a bad result! Don't forget about all the good things high quality marriage will bring you, try to be supportive in the marriage and enjoy a healthier life. On the other hand, more research on homosexual couples would need to see if the same effect would appear on same-sex marriage but in response to the first question of this article, perhaps a bad marriage relationship is driving you crazy and making you less healthy, so they decided to break apart and be a happy single person with less stress and more fun, but undoubtedly, happy marriage brings you a lot of benefit in terms of health and supporting.

So we are beginning to get a feel for the science of how marriage can impart heath benefits to people. Having a partner who pays attention and nudges us toward health and away from risky behaviors. It is also quite clear that simply being married is not enough to make a person healthier. Much of the benefit comes from quality partnerships and contentious relationships likely add stress, undermining a proximal source of comfort and corrode our health making us much more likely to get sick.

One topic that came up is interpersonal communication and conflict. Every relationship experiences conflict at various times. What matters is how you deal with these moments. Do you fight back, become defensive, hurl insults or try and prove you are right to "win" the argument? Is there a regular dynamic of demand and withdrawal that happens with your partner each time a difficult subject comes up?

Most of us are clueless with how to navigate through these moments. They are emotionally volatile and we naturally want to protect ourselves from harm. But in so doing we often do harm to the one relationship that we need the most to maintain health and happiness.

So what to do?

I have been married a long time to a woman who likes to be combative. I like strong women and Betsey can be very tough. Its no wonder her favorite TV show is Mob Wives. Over the last 20 years we have learned how to prevent arguments from spiraling out of control (most of the time). John Gottman has devoted his career to exploring how married couples communicate and has identified a number of warning signs that reliable predict when a relationship is in trouble. He has famously dubbed them "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse."

We know that the style of arguing in a marriage is strong predictor of cardiovascular health. Whether you and your partner have a hostile vs. a warm style of arguing can be just as bad for your health as high cholesterol or smoking. We all know hostile "What's with the checkbook, did you fail 4th grade math?" Insulting your partner rarely makes for good conversation. At best you will make your partner defensive and most likely less willing to comply with your request.

A growing body of research that has discovered what helps to reduce defensiveness is self-affirmation. By first affirming something positive about your partner before launching into an argument can diffuse much hostility and defensiveness. This is what is meant by a warm style of arguing. " You know, you are great with the kids but it would make me less anxious if you could work on being on time."

Much can be learned about this kinder and respectful approach to conflict from Gottman's work with gay and lesbian couples.

Not only do same sex couples tend to begin and maintain a more positive tone during disagreements than hetero couples but they are less likely to use the demand withdrawal style and are more likely to suggest possible solutions and compromises. Gottman speculates that gay couples value equality more and have fewer differences in power and status between them. This style of communication seeks a win-win solution rather than a win-loose.

Betsey and I just had a bit of a spat on our morning walk today. What works for us is first to try and acknowledge each other's feelings rather than question them. Providing space to have negative feelings that need resolution. If it seems like things are getting too heated we take a break, (usually I go for an extended walk). Then when its time to try again, two things usually always work to broker a truce, using humor to mock how ridiculous our disagreement is in the big picture and extending a hand to touch and caress in an affectionate way.

If Jim Coan's research is correct, this might be one of our most effective tools for defusing stress and renewing the warmth and comfort we need from our partner

The topic of marriage and it's effect on health is very interesting to me, firstly because in my experience I had heard that married people live longer however this was never followed by "happily married" or something along those lines which I think is a very important clarification. I feel that marriage is an important part of life, or at least finding a partner to spend you life with, I also think that in recent years it has been taken as just the next stepping stone and for many couples I know personally was probably not the best choice for their physical or mental health. A few examples I have are in my own family every aunt or uncle with the exception of two (this is a very small percentage of my family it's a rather large family) has had one or two divorces. This to me says that by getting married to their first or second spouse was actually bad for their health, and in the article this is backed up by addressing how a stressful marriage is connected to high blood pressure.
In my mind marriage is a health benefit only when the couple is in a healthy attached companionate love relationship, which brings up a few questions I have in regards to what the article said about couples, or friends that cohabitate. According to this those who cohabitate do not get the health benefits that happily married people receive. Is this because the couples (or pairs) or persons cohabitating were not sharing bank accounts or other means of finance? If money is the main concern as to whether or not a person has better health (cohabitating vs. married) then would a wealthy single person with a large social network, a roommate not have the same effects on health? I think if the sample were large enough to study we would find that now these people are receiving the same benefits to their health if not more because they are hypothetically not having the stress of typical marital problems.
One last though I have on this subject is about the lowering divorce rate in the country and what effect the economy that we are currently in has on that. Are more couples actually in happier (healthier) relationships or are these numbers the effect of people not having the energy or money to get out of a bad relationship? My final opinion on this matter is that marriage licenses should like every other license we have need to be renewed every ten years or so. I have this opinion because if you are twenty-five when you get married are you going to be the same person in ten years? Is your partner? I have watched couples that still love each other very much slowly deteriorate over time because as we all age we all grow and find new interests and if you and your partner no longer are on the same page of life how can this conflict be good for one's health? The stress alone from trying to accommodate the changes in yourself and in your partner can eventually lead to illness or an unhappy marriage if one person is not willing to give.
To sum up I agree marriage is beneficial to your health if and only if the marriage is a good one, and I agree with some cultures/religions that require counseling to make sure you and your partner are going to improve each other on various levels. I also think that people should only be married as long as the marriage is for (companionate) love and not the convenience of more money or any outside reasoning.

The article on the physiology of marriage was really fascinating. The first point that struck me was the fact that marriage made a much bigger difference in men's mortality rate than women's. The difference, (which was a 50% improvement for women, and a 250% improvement for men), was 200% larger! I don't really know how they could calculate such a statistic, but apparently they can. What could account for the difference between men and women? The article does not offer an explanation for the differences. However, I have a hypotheses. It involves the creation and maintenance of social support systems. In many relationships, women are the ones who keep up relationships, inviting friends over and planning activities. With what we discussed yesterday about people with more relationships and better social networks, it would follow that women would live longer even on their own, because they have the social support. However, men, with less of an inherent social support network, would live longer because they would have their wives to keep their social supports intact for them.
Another interesting fact from the article was that, when asked to "influence" their spouse, the participants' blood pressure went up not just when they were arguing, but when they started to prepare for the argument. This was very interesting because it reflects on what we discussed in class about bottling up emotion, and its effects on health. The rising blood pressure, which makes the heart work harder, and can lead to health problems, has already happened whether or not the anger is expressed, so the health damage has been done.
I found the part of the article that dealt with cardiovascular function to be the most interesting section of the article. That different parts of argument, for lack of a better word, are actually expressed in the way our hearts work is just a fascinating idea. Even more fascinating was the authors' discussion of the way the separate sexes had raised reactivity during demands. It's biological proof (if any was needed) that there is a difference in what irritates the different genders!

This topic relates to my life in every way possible. I have been in a long term relationship for a while and just lately we have grown apart and communication is longer a productive tool. Stress and anxiety are no longer decreases within our relationship. This article relates to everyday life for most humans. The study raises questions such as how healthy is your relationship, how is your romantic relationship affecting your health and how you live your life. Is it healthier to be single and happy throughout your life or married and less happy. I think some people really struggle with the question of happiest and marriage.

This study proved that being in a healthy, successful relationship will help your cardiovascular, immune, and endocrine. The most interesting point that they made in the article was that older express less negative behavior and show more affection than younger couples. Once I thought about it, I definitely agree with it. You rarely see older couples yelling at each other or fighting. I wonder if it is because they have learned to deal with disagreements, or have grown to deal with negative emotions in a more positive manner.

We have already discussed the importance of attachment figures in a person's life. Attachment figures can help to regulate stress and, in turn, help to keep us healthy. We also know that isolation can be harmful and now, as it turns out, when a person has negative experiences with their closest attachment figures (in the case we are talking about spouses) it can be equally hazardous to our health. Maybe it would be in seriously unhappily married couple's best interests to part ways because making one another miserable is more damaging then being happily single.

I can sort of relate. Although I have never actually been married I was in a pretty serious relationship and we lived together for almost four years. We also moved out of the country together and marriage was often discussed. Eventually things spoiled and as our final year together progressed we fought often and found unhealthy ways to cope with the stress, which for me, became overwhelming. He was my best friend and lover but it became a toxic relationship so we split. It was very difficult to cope with the separation but I am much happier and experience much less stress now, even though I am single.

This article was particularly interesting for me to read. While I have heard before that married people tend to be healthier, I couldn't help but doubt what the statistics showed. From a personal standpoint, I have seen how marriage can be extremely unhealthy, and how the dysfunctional of unhealthy relationships can be detrimental for many more people than those directly invested in them. I see my parent's divorce as a blessing to them, to my siblings, and to myself. My parents have each moved on and are much happier today, thankfully. Both of my parents are extremely active, and I have yet to see either one of them with much more than a cold every now and then. This makes me wonder if I was too young to realize health problems they may have while going through a hardship like divorce. Although their divorce wasn't what one might call "ugly", that type of life style change much be difficult, regardless of good the circumstances may have been.

One point the article made that I thought was particularly interesting was that older couples express less negative behavior than do younger couples, and show more affection than do younger people. I would have to agree with this point. At least the relationships I have been a part of, relationships that I have seen my friends in, my brothers relationship with his fiance, my parents, and my grandparents, show this to be true. With the people in my life, now that I think about it, the older they are the better they act when arguing; it is such a noticeable difference.

The facts the article brings up about immune function, cardiovascular activity, and the endocrine system, and how they are so greatly effected by success in central relationships were almost overwhelming. Yes, I assumed that the healthier relationship you are in, the healthier you and your partner are likely to be, but I did not even begin to imagine to the extent they effected humans physically.

One fascinating fact stated in this article is marriage helps shield men from mortality than women. The article stats it is 50% higher among women however 250% high among women. The article also states that cohabiting adults experience poorer health than married couples. I wonder if the cohabiting adults could potentially be homosexual individuals who are not allowed to get married. Because I learned in FOSO intimate relationships class that gay males have the least satisfaction in their relationships however gay females report the highest satisfaction in a relationship. One reason for married couples have better health is the combined income. However even after the researchers controlled for income married couples lived longer.
This article briefly addresses unhappy marriages and found that couples in unhappy marriages had more health problems than single people. One study looked at women who had a acute coronary event. The researches followed up on these individuals and found that women with stressful marriages were 3 times more likely to have another coronary event.
The article then shifts to discussing in detail the physiological pathways linked to health. The article looked at cardiovascular function, endocrine function, and immune function. People in arguments with their spouse found an increase in blood pressure in both individuals. Increased in blood pressure increases a person's chance of having a stroke. Increased blood pressure increases the likelihood of a heart attack. The reason behind this is thought to be the increased pressure damages walls of blood vessels and plaque builds up on the damaged spot causing constriction of blood vessels or blockage. The researchers also found that when couples disagreed the woman had an heightened hear rate and blood pressure however males were unaffected. The immune system section was confusing because I thought prolactin was the hormone that caused the release of breast milk. The hormone change during an argument was also more prominent in women than men. Immune response was also found that changes in women's antibodies was more profound than men. I find it fascinating that men have a higher mortality rate being single and that women have more stress hormones and more immune system cells than men while in a relationship. This article gives greater evidence towards the idea that positive relationships decrease mortality.

In the current study, the findings suggested that couples in healthy, satisfied relationships are healthier overall. The study discussed the negative effects of a bad marital relationship on a person's health. It seems as if the women in the marriage seemed to be effected more by the negative aspects of the marriage, the men seemed to be uneffected. It does not surprise me that if a person is constantly being bombarded by negative stressors with no time to regain homeostasis, a person's health/immunity will decrease.
It would be interesting to see how these findings apply to arranged marriages. To Eastern cultures that still use arranged marriages, the Western culture way of picking a spouse may not seem like the most successful way. It may be difficult to generalize these finding to other cultures though since the way that "love" or "successful marriage" is defined varies around the world. It has been found that some couples in an arranged marriage have started writing letters to eachother, not getting to know you letters, but letters discussing economic issues that may affect their future together.
The comment that Walter made in class about the centenarian who never married made me wonder about the marital status of other centinarians and blue zones, etc. It would be also be interesting to see how the findings of this study can generalize to centenarians. I'm actually just fascinated by centenarians in general... I'm sure that people in blue zones probably apply to a lot of what we are learning about right now in class with good attachment styles, a lot of social support, and a good marriage, if they ever got married.

In Robles and Kiecolt-Glaser's research article, The Physiology of Marriage, they presented many health problems that derived from marital conflicts by surveying and having talk sessions with couples. I would say that I was surprised when I came upon the findings about endocrine function that even though older couples showed less negative behaviors and more affectionate behavior during conflicts than younger couples, they were affected the same way. Their negative behaviors went up by 16% to 21% in cortisol, ACTH, and epinephrine.
I actually thought that the older couples would display negative behaviors because older people are more irritable. They are old and there are things they can't do well. They may also have impairments due to aging and this would make their marriage conflicts more problematic. This makes me wonder how long the couples had been married and how satisfied they are with their marriage to not display negative behaviors. It also makes me wonder if the older couples were just older and had less energy to display their negative behaviors or if they actually had more control over showing their behaviors. It could be both because as people mature, they will learn to control their behaviors and older people would be less likely to start fighting due to their age.
Another thing that I questioned was the newlyweds because they tend to show higher levels of hostility and negative behaviors, especially the women. Generally marriage makes a couple happier, but why is it that newlyweds are more hostile towards each other when talking about marital conflicts? Could it be the stress of adapting into the marriage life? Besides, adapting to the marriage life, studies have shown that men tend to be happier after marriage whereas women tend to be more stressed, until the first baby comes along then the men becomes less happy.