Divorce and Children

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I believe that the effects of divorce on children vary from child to child and the severity of the divorce. Some experts say that children that are effected by divorced parents in a negative way will have difficulties establishing career goals and stable romantic relationships. Though now with better designed studies, it shows that in actuality, a substanial majority of children survive their parents' divorce without long term damage. Though divorce can still produce negative effects in some children. And my personal experience and story can attend to that.

In my family I am one of three children whose parents divorced. At the time of my parents seperating my older sister was 22, I was 18 and my younger brother was 13. I remember our parents arguing and bickering back and forth almost every night of the week, about almost anything, I even remember them staying in different parts of the house to avoid each other.

So when the divorce occured, my sister was already out of the house so it didnt affect her in any negatvie way, and with me, i was just finishing high school and on my way off to college. My sister and I knew that our parents divorce was the best thing for them and us and we were happy that they were getting separated, because that meant no more arguing and that they would both be happier around us. Though with my brother, it hit him differently, he took the divorce negatively. My brother seemed to need my parents to stick together, to be with him togther to watch him grow through his teen years, to have structure, and it didnt happen for him. My brother first lashed out at my dad blaming him and wanting nothing to do with him, then he'd do the same to my mom.

My brothers performance in school started to slip and fade away. He would act out towards his teachers and fellow classmates getting in fights and all sorts of trouble. He then started spiraling down into more severe negative actions like drinking alcohol to a point of having to have his stomach pumped to becoming addicted to heroin and cocain to where it finally took over him and sadly took his life. I always remember him saying over and over that he wanted out parents back togther again, and no matter how hard my parents tried to explain to him how much they were there for him and loved him and were apart of his life, it just wasnt the same for him if there werent "together". throughout his troubles my parents endlessly and continually tried to help my brother in every way shape and form but it seemed never enough.

So I strongly believe that divorced parents definelty varies from child to child. I dont believe that all children are negatively effected by it and I dont believe that all children are not effected by it at all. It definetly depends on the severity of the divorce and the child himself.

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Hey, your blog caught my attention because my parents got divorced a couple of years ago, when I was 16, and I am now at age 18 trying to understand how divorce happens and how it affects those involved. I never thought it was a big before because, as you kind of mentioned, it was a normal thing for my parents not to get along for a large part of my life. However, I think it is important to understand and process what a divorce means no matter what age we are when it happens because it is a sad event that happens too often.
I liked your post, you spoke about the topic with insight and maturity.

Your blog also caught my attention. My parents also have divroced. My father remarried and several years later divorced again. I agree with you that divorce effects each child differently. My parents divorced when I was in the third grade. I remember at first not being able to understand why they didn't want to be together. After sometime I became mad at both my parents. Why couldn't they try harder, just give it another chance. Over the years we accepted the divorce and it became less painful. I understand what you described your brother to be going through. When my dad divorced for the second time it wasn't as hard. Perhaps because she wasn't my biological mother, or perhaps because I was older. I think it is important for parents to understand the effects divorce can have. As you described above divorce can have extrememe effects on children. I think parents shouldn't underestimate these effects as well. Your article was very well written, nice job!

I think this is a great blog. Your so connected with it that it really brings out the importance of the topic. I have personally never been through having divorced parents but have watched many of my friends go through it. They have all reacted differently to the situation much like you say they should. I think it depends on the situation and circumstances that surround the children and parents that accounts for how the divorce effects people differently.

This was so sad. Even though it didn't happen to me in the same way...with me mine got divorced when I was 2, so I do not have any memories of them together. The hardest part for me was that they lived in different states and so I've always had to try and be 2 place at 1 time and left with a feeling that I can't make everyone happy. Over the years I've gotten used to it, but it was hard growing up. I really feel for your brother though, I'm sure not having his siblings or parents was like having the rug torn out from under him, esp at 13! It's such a hard age!! I think age probably plays one of the biggest factors in it. But it's good for you to write about, the more people realize the effects of their actions maybe the more readily people can talk about things openly instead of merely acting on raw and sometimes harmful emotions that divorce can create.

You explain divorces effect on the kids well. I agree with you somewhat. I think more kids are effected negatively by divorce than you claim. I think a lot of kids try not to show their sadness about it to try and stay strong. I think deep down they are horrified. I'm not saying this is true for everyone. For me, if my parents got divorced I would be devastated. Even if they did fight a lot, I would want them to stay together.

It's complicated. For the elder children, it might easy for them to understand parent's divorce, like you and your sister. while for those children in some certain age, like your brother, it's not a easy thing, it's a key time for them to form a image of the world and ralationship, normally, children in this age are sensitive and vulnerable, it's understandable that they form a negative reaction. Also, not only just children themselves, parents are also responsible for helping children go through by telling children their love will never change even though they no longer be together.

I thought you had a great post. Growing up some of my friends’ parents got divorced and I know that it affected them all in different ways. One friend in particular was always extremely loud and rowdy and seemed to be searching for attention when his parents were going through their divorce. He said a few times how he just wishes they would stay together. I think when parents get divorced it is usually pretty tough on the children, especially younger children. Kids need the love and support of their parents and for their parents to be there emotionally for them. I think that when a couple gets divorced the children may not feel as close and connected to their parents.

This is an interesting post with great comments. I have often thought about the effect of divorce on children, and conversely, the effect of lasting marriages on children as well. My parents are still together and I think this fact makes me have different views on divorce in general. I do not believe in it when children are involved except in extreme situations. I once dated a woman whose parents divorced when she was young and both parents remarried and one of them even divorced once again. She had very different views on divorce than I did, she thought it was just a common aspect of life and was not a big deal, even though the divorce of her parents caused her a lot of pain.

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This page contains a single entry by flie0017 published on March 25, 2012 11:12 PM.

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