I believe that the effects of divorce on children vary from child to child and the severity of the divorce. Some experts say that children that are effected by divorced parents in a negative way will have difficulties establishing career goals and stable romantic relationships. Though now with better designed studies, it shows that in actuality, a substanial majority of children survive their parents' divorce without long term damage. Though divorce can still produce negative effects in some children. And my personal experience and story can attend to that.
In my family I am one of three children whose parents divorced. At the time of my parents seperating my older sister was 22, I was 18 and my younger brother was 13. I remember our parents arguing and bickering back and forth almost every night of the week, about almost anything, I even remember them staying in different parts of the house to avoid each other.
So when the divorce occured, my sister was already out of the house so it didnt affect her in any negatvie way, and with me, i was just finishing high school and on my way off to college. My sister and I knew that our parents divorce was the best thing for them and us and we were happy that they were getting separated, because that meant no more arguing and that they would both be happier around us. Though with my brother, it hit him differently, he took the divorce negatively. My brother seemed to need my parents to stick together, to be with him togther to watch him grow through his teen years, to have structure, and it didnt happen for him. My brother first lashed out at my dad blaming him and wanting nothing to do with him, then he'd do the same to my mom.
My brothers performance in school started to slip and fade away. He would act out towards his teachers and fellow classmates getting in fights and all sorts of trouble. He then started spiraling down into more severe negative actions like drinking alcohol to a point of having to have his stomach pumped to becoming addicted to heroin and cocain to where it finally took over him and sadly took his life. I always remember him saying over and over that he wanted out parents back togther again, and no matter how hard my parents tried to explain to him how much they were there for him and loved him and were apart of his life, it just wasnt the same for him if there werent "together". throughout his troubles my parents endlessly and continually tried to help my brother in every way shape and form but it seemed never enough.
So I strongly believe that divorced parents definelty varies from child to child. I dont believe that all children are negatively effected by it and I dont believe that all children are not effected by it at all. It definetly depends on the severity of the divorce and the child himself.
Hey, your blog caught my attention because my parents got divorced a couple of years ago, when I was 16, and I am now at age 18 trying to understand how divorce happens and how it affects those involved. I never thought it was a big before because, as you kind of mentioned, it was a normal thing for my parents not to get along for a large part of my life. However, I think it is important to understand and process what a divorce means no matter what age we are when it happens because it is a sad event that happens too often.
I liked your post, you spoke about the topic with insight and maturity.