Asian Parents are STRICT!

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I've grown up having two of the most strict parents ever! I couldn't hang out with boys (if you're a guy, you're automatically considered a boyfriend), go out late on a weekend (even when I turned 18), still have to ask permission to do things today (although they want me to I don't), and should cook and clean (because of the gender roles in my culture). According to the three different parenting styles, I believe my parents have the authoritarian parenting style. An authoritarian parenting style is strict and the parents show little affection to their child. Although, my parents were strict, they showed me lots of affection! One might say that they're parenting style is authoritative then, which are parents who let their child have freedom, but with certain limits. Based on my personal experience with them though, I'd have to stick with authoritarian.

When I starting expressing how I felt about my parents to friends, I became aware that a lot of my asian friends felt the same and a lot of my non-asian friends didn't. From what I know from my friends, I'd say that most Caucasion and African American parents fall under the authoritative type of parenting. I was jealous.

To this day, I still wish my parents were less strict on me. I know I still would've made the right decisions. Some parents are too overprotective.

How are your parents?


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It sounds like your parents were on the strict side of authoritative parenting style. They were extremely strict but also showered you with affection. I can relate in the way that my parents also used one end of the authoritative strategy. They set reasonable limits for me throughout my childhood. But once entered my teenage years they were much more permissive. Its an interesting thing to have to look back on once you're on your own.

Hi, I think I can somewhat understand you, since I grew up in this kind of cultrual background and envirionment. The real situations of asian-style parenting in each countries, even cities, are more diverse actually. (I guess you might be an asian amerian grow up in US, and your family is a kind of traditional one, since you mentioned the gender role in your family.) From my perceptive, strict is better than spoiled, although both are the way showing love. Parenting styles do influence children's personality a lot, as well as values. For my own experience, my parents always ask me to make decisions myself, they say they can only give me suggestions and analyze for me, but making desicions are my own thing. sometimes i don't even know i am lucky or unlucky.

I can relate to you. When I was younger my dad was more on the authoritative end of parenting. I also felt like I could never do anything and he was so strict all the time. Towards the end of high school he loosened up a little and I was given more freedom. I was able to stay out later and spend more time with friends. I also agree with you that some parents are simply to strict.I feel like sometimes they may be afraid to loose their little baby girl, so they think if we don't let her do anything nothing bad will to her. I think this sometimes has a negative effect because a lot of children will rebel. It must be really hard to be a parent because you want the best for your children and want them to be happy, but also you need to teach them important life aspects. Although I am not a parent, when I am older and ready to have kids I think I will have a mixture of parenting styles. That way rules will be set and followed but they won't feel like I am trying to control their life.

When it comes to parenting styles, there are so many different ways to treat your kids. I think it correlates quite a bit, like you said, with cultures and beliefs. When it comes to my situation, I'd say my parents are authoritative, but there were times when I wish they'd pushed me harder or been more authoritarian, especially to have better study and lifestyle habits. For example, I'm definitely not the most focused when it comes to cleaning and studying. I still do them, I just have less reinforcement behind me to get things done. While you may compare yourself to others and wish you had when they did, be grateful that your parents are heavily involved in your life and have taught you good habits!

While growing up, my parents were divorced and I lived mainly with my mom and saw my dad every weekend. I would describe my mom (and step-dad's) parenting styles to be somewhere in between authoritative and permissive. They were very lenient about what I did but they had a set of rules that were pretty loose, which is why I describe their style as maybe closer to permissive. My dad, on the other hand, was much more authoritative. He was supportive but had a firm set of rules. It was interesting as a young child to go in between both parenting styles so often. I wonder if it significantly affects kids living in a divorced family like that.

Although I think it is a bit stereotypical to say that Asian parents are more strict than caucasians or African Americans, I can relate to your view on the authoritative parenting style. My parents were also very stict, not allowing me to stay out late and always needing to know where I was ever second of every day seemed like kind of a pain, but thinking back, I can honestly say that I now understand why they had so many rules and restrictions. I know it sounds cliche, but they only do it because the care about you and want to protect you.

I think this post is very interesting. I have some Asian friends and their parents are the same as yours. Their parents are very strict and make sure they know everything. I would say that my parents are authoritative. They like to know what I am up to, but they almost never said no to me. Luckily, I made smart decision, but my my sister is sure enjoying some of the freedom I had in high school. I think authoritarian is a good parenting style but I also can see how it could make a kid go crazy so I do not think it is the best. I hopefully will raise my kids in an authoritative parenting style. I think it is better to have parents that are too strict than parents that are only your friend. However, that is just my opinion.

I always feel so bad for people with authoritarian parents! Personally, my dad is authoritative (borderline authoritarian) and my mom is lenient. The thing about this is that my parents are divorced, and so I was mostly raised by my mom. Psychologists say that the authoritative approach is the best way to parent a child, but honestly the lenient approach was great for me. I don't drink or do drugs, I get good grades, I'm responsible. My mom does instill guidelines but generally the way in which she raised me I don't feel the need to break rules, and I'm way less likely to break the rules. Although the book says the authoritative approach is the best way to parent, I think it depends on the child's personality. If the child has a low attention span and tendency to break rules, maybe it is better to be more authoritarian? Or if the child is generally calmer and more responsible is it okay to raise them with more lenience?

But I'm sorry about your childhood. That must have been so frustrating at times!

I have noticed this common occurrence among Asian parents as well. This could be because of the vast cultural differences between westernized cultures and Asian. Something that would be interesting to think of would be to see how the time since a pair of Asian parents have moved to the US compared to how strict they are.

I can definitely relate! I also have Asian parents and they would probably go into the authoritarian parenting styles. As a child, I was forced to learn how to play piano and violin and completely about 50 pages of extra homework my mom assigned me before I was allowed to go play. They constantly believe they're correct and have yet to apologize for making any mistakes, even little ones, on the grounds that I must respect my elders. I needed to receive permission to go out, even now during breaks when I go back home, and had an enforced curfew all throughout high school. I'm often told that this was the way my parents were raised back in China so it must be the way I'm raised. My complaints of the different cultural values of being an Asian American here compared to the traditional parenting style in China fall on deaf ears. However, despite all my complaining, I do believe some good has come out of it, and I believe I've turned out quite okay.

As a Chinese, I can totally understand what you're talking about. Asian parents are tend to be authoritarian parenting. My parents are like others above. I think these happens because of the culture in Asia. However, I don't think it's not good for us. Many things that I was forced to learn have turned into my favorate things, and they even influence my whole life. The differences between Asia and America occur, and there is no way to say that which one is good.

Although I cannot relate greatly due to having more lenient parents, my parents used to be much more strict than they are now. I think they originally were more controlling with my older sibling because they wanted her to be safe. They probably didn't know how be a parent and wanted to be more safe than sorry. When it came to me they were more comfortable with what worked, so they soured down. In your case, I have found it common that Asian parents are more strict. This is probably due to Asian culture compared to the Western culture. Asian parents' strictness is greatly known and has even become a stereotype.

In a way I can understand where you are coming from because when I started high school my mom resembled the authoritarian parenting style while my dad resembled the authoritative/permissive parenting style. My parents are married and it is very hard when they have two different parenting styles! I'd say now though both my parents are the authoritative parenting style, while my dad still leans toward permissive as well because he grants me so much freedom!

Although I am white I definitely noticed that asian parents truly did resemble the authoritarian style much more than the typical caucasian american family. All of my friends that were asian had much stricter parents than my caucasian friends and expected much more of them than my parents. This style can be very beneficial is some aspects yet negative in others.

I have strict parents too and I'm like 20yr old and they treated me like I'm still in high school say that why I don't have a 4.0 but I have a 3.1 so I wanted to explain but if I do they will call me out and say that II'm talking back at them but theythey won't like to here my exlainations so I try not to say anything even tho they haven't know what was the whole story to my (excuse) they call it so I don't know about you guys but I believe that they or some parents do this cuz they care for our safety when around with friends and want us to succeed when ot comes to education and it also how they were treated as their childhood as well as our generation will probably be a chill parents......what do u think guys do you believe what I'm saying or do u disagreed..........

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This page contains a single entry by leex5698 published on April 18, 2012 8:59 PM.

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