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"Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances." ~Wayne Dyer
Think about past experiences where you've been judged. Do you label people and events? (For example good, bad, right, wrong, stupid, etc.) How does that help?
Do you make assumptions rather than check their validity? How do those judgments affect your reactions and behavior? Observe your inner voice and actions.
The Tuesday Reading today is "Success Will Come and Go, But Integrity is Forever", an essay by Amy Rees Anderson which appeared recently in Forbes. Anderson is the Managing Partner and Founder of REES Capital which provides entrepreneurs and business executives critical guidance and support to help their companies grow. Previously, she founded and managed number of entrepreneurial ventures including MediConnect, a cloud-based health information exchange.
She begins the essay with a simple statement: "If I could teach only one value to live by, it would be this - Success will come and go, but integrity is forever." To her, integrity means doing the right thing all the time! She notes that this takes inordinate amounts of courage and that that while integrity takes years and years to build, it can be destroyed in a fleeting moment.
In the essay, she makes a number of important observations. Four seemed to me to be particularly important:
We live in a world where the end, almost any end, justifies the means. Fundamentally, in each case the dishonest individual believed that they had a sufficient reason for what they did. And, that no-one would car or find out.
Such "ends" provide some instant justification in the moment but it rarely lasts very long. Since leaders are always "on-stage," invariably someone sees and eventually you or your observer who tries what you did gets badly hurt. Fundamentally, what's lost is your ability to be trusted as a person of integrity.
Every person who trusts you spreads word of that you can be trusted as a person of integrity. Warren Buffet said it well: "In looking for people to hire, look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence, and energy. And if they don't have the first one, the other two will kill you."
Avoid those who are not trustworthy. If a person is dishonest in one aspect of his or her life, they will invariably be dishonest in others as well. "If we surround ourselves with people who are dishonest and willing to cut corners to get ahead, then we'll surely find ourselves following a pattern of first enduring their behavior, then accepting their behavior, and finally adopting their behavior." To build a reputation as a person of integrity, surround yourself with people of integrity.
A lot to think about here. Find some time this week to reflect on Amy's essay. She has a plaque in her office that says: "Do what is right, let the consequence follow." Something that might be a good reminder to all of us.
. . . . jim
Today's Tuesday Reading is "6 Exercises To Strengthen Compassionate Leadership" and was written by Andrew Newberg, an M.D. and author, who with Mark Robert Waldman has written the book "Words Can Change Your Brain." Newberg is also Director of Research at the Myrna Brind Center for Integrative Medicine at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital and Medical College and Adjunct Assistant Professor in the Department of Religious Studies at the University of Pennsylvania.
Newberg begins his essay: "Want loyal dedicated, and passionate employees? Be a loyal, dedicated, and compassionate boss." He continues: "When you use compassionate communication in your conversations, something quite surprising occurs: both your brain and the brain of the person you're talking with begin to align themselves with each other. This special bond is a phenomenon referred to as "neural resonance," and the enhanced stage of mutual attachment, two people can accomplish remarkable things together. Why? Because it eliminates the natural defensiveness that normally exists when people casually converse."
The capacity to deeply relate to others is a key to all forms of relationship success. For example, "leaders who give the least amount of positive guidance to their subordinates are less successful in achieving their organizations' goals, and the employees are unhappier in their work." And, such leaders generate more interpersonal conflicts in their teams.
So, what might one do to become a more compassionate leader? Newberg suggests six practices:
Stay present. If you focus on your breathing and relaxation, you will pull your attention into the present. In turn you can become very aware of the subtle things happening immediately around you.
Cultivate inner silence. As we try to remain "present," the spontaneous cascade of inner thoughts, speech, and cognition clammers for our attention. Research has shown that through practice we can control this disruption. Newberg says that the more you think about not thinking the more you gain voluntary control over the brain's spontaneous cascade. This silence enables us to give our fullest attention to what others say.
Access a pleasant memory. Research has shown that inviting a conversation with an expression that conveys kindness, compassion, and interest. Such an expression happens naturally when we access pleasant memories, particularly ones that involve people you love and respect. When your conversation partner sees this expression, it stimulates a feeling of trust. And, for you, it takes you into a deeper state or relaxation. The end result is contentment that gives rise to mutually benevolent engagements.
Observe nonverbal cues. It's essential to keep your eyes on your conversational partner. Your look should not be invasive but rather be one cultivated by a pleasant memory. Such eye contact decreases stress hormones and increases those that enhance empathy, social cooperation, and positive communication.
Speak briefly. Compassionate communication has a basic rule - keep it short, about 30 seconds or less. Talk and then wait for an acknowledgement that you have been heard and understood before you continue.
Listen deeply. To listen deeply you have to train your mind to stay focused on the person who is speaking - their words, gestures, facial cues, indeed everything. Listening carefully is one of the most precious gifts you can give someone. When they pause, you need to respond specifically to what they have just said.
Lots in this short piece for you to try and over time put into practice. You do this, and your staff (and others close to you) will see you as a more compassionate leader.
Have a great week. . . . jim
The essay "How Being Unreachable Makes Me More Productive" comes from a Craig Jarrow post to the Lifehacker blog. Jarrow is author of Time Management Ninja.
Chris Jarrow has a secret: He's not always reachable. And, he gets a lot more done because of it. He notes, importantly, that our communication devices, as important as they are, are not there so that we can be interrupted at any time of the day or night.
So, how might you limit your interruptions?
Don't answer the phone. Let it go to voicemail.
Use the Privacy Mode. That way you decide who can ring your phone.
Only read the important email; at a minimum, read that first.
Don't read unsolicited email; delete it.
Use quick forms, e.g., short emails, of communication whenever possible.
Shut your door.
Set expectations. Let your team know your communication style. Let them know when it is appropriate to interrupt.
Give yourself permission to decline to be interrupted.
To Jarrow's list, I'd add one that I discovered in an article about Marissa Meyer while she was still at Google:
Have a regular period each day for office hours.
Give people permission to sign up and drop by for a short 5-10 minute conversation. It is a good way to organize a flow of constant interruptions.
So, I urge you to think through your interruptions and take the necessary steps to get them under your control. You'll find there is a great reward for doing so. You really can get more done.
. . . . jim