My very rough draft.


California is a very important state to my family and I. We went on a family road trip there when I was only one and a half and my grandpa lived out there, so we made many visits. Whenever my family and I would go visit my grandpa we would go to Disneyland first and then make our way to Santa Barbara, where he lived. The last family vacation that we took out there with all five of us was when I was eight. Since my brother is 27, my sister is 24 and I am 20 we decided that we would try and do one of the same family trips that we used to do. We are all getting older and going all different directions in life so we knew that this would be one of the last times we might all be able to go on a family trip like this again.

It was three weeks before we were all supposed to go on our "last" family trip and my older brother Dave got laid off from work and got a new job all in the same day. This started our trip off on a shaky start. He wasn't sure if he would still be able to get the days off of his new job. This was already a huge change from when we were little. When you grow up there are obstacles that pop up unexpectedly through out life and they aren't as easy as they were when you were eight. My brother was able to get work off, and we were taking off for our, what my sister likes to call it, "True Life: I'm on family vaca," Friday, March 12.

We arrived at the airport at 11:20 p.m. and had to drive forty minutes to get to Anaheim, since we were going to go to Disneyland first. Well, when we were little a 40-minute drive in a car isn't too bad, but when you have a six foot five person to right, a five foot nine person to your left and you are five eight and stuck in the middle it's not so comfortable. Did I mention luggage for five adults in the back? But we weren't paying for the car, so we couldn't really complain.

We reached our first destination around one a.m. Us "kids" were getting our own room the third night, but for the first two all five of us were sharing a room. A trundle bed and luggage were covering the floor of the room and the noise of the T.V., someone's Ipod and a dad snoring made it very difficult to get a good nights sleep, but we survived the two nights without killing each other.

Monday was our last day of Disney and it was the most crowded day (statistic of how many people attended that day or have attended so far this year compared to around 10 years ago). I realized that it was the life to be young and get pushed in a stroller all around the park and to be able sit while you waited in, what could be an hour, line. You definitely don't get that treatment when you're 20.

It was fun to go on rides like Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones and Peter Pan's Flight, like we went on when we were younger. When you are older you realize how lucky you are to be able to go on a trip to Disneyland and not have to pay for anything, because tickets and food can be pretty expensive, let alone for five people in a family. We also realized how cool of a place it is. When I was eight I remember being so excited to go to Disney again, but when you're old you actually realize all that goes into a place like that and what they have to do to keep it up and running. It really is a magical place and it was cool to experience it again with my whole family.

Our next destination was to Santa Barbara, which was a little over an hour road trip.

-I still have a lot of work to do and need to add my quotes. I also need to look for other sources that I want to use in it. I just sat down and started writing different events that happened from the beginning and this is where I got so far. Once I finish the story about our trip I need to go through and figure out what needs to be included and what should be taken out. Then fill in the missing pieces.


I like the life lessons you included in your story. I like how you compare the way kids think vs. how adults think and how life changes and becomes more complicated for adults. I think it would be cool if you added you you overcame obstacles that you experienced on this trip compared to your recollection of problems that happened when you were younger and how you dealt with them. I also think it would be beneficial to readers if you described different scenes. What did it look like at the airport? Is there a way you could set the scene when you describe your brother losing his job? I would be really interested in reading a descriptive scene about what Disney World was like when you were there. I like how you set the scene for the car ride though, and I like how you described how full the hotel room was with five people staying in it. Good start Megan! I think you have a good story going!

It was a good first draft, but you need to give us some more details to be able to identify the individual members of your travel story. Does anyone have any personal personality traits that make him or her stand out from your other family members? Try to highlight two or three traits, or readers might think of your family members as one-dimensional people.

Did anyone purchase Disney goods, such a buying a Tinker Bell sticker for their car’s back window or Mickey Mouse seat covers? When I attend conventions such as Anime Detour, I also have great fun in the dealer’s room, shopping for goods based on Japanese animation. Does anyone in your family have a love for a Disney character? This is understandable coming from a man who puts up bed sheets decorated with images of Anime characters as wall hangings .

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This page contains a single entry by hayes256 published on April 8, 2010 2:48 PM.

Very very rough draft- The Kaspari's was the previous entry in this blog.

the fragments i have about the sea creature is the next entry in this blog.

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