Truth of the Doves
This is another poem that I wrote which, as can easily be seen while reading, was inspired much by Shakespeare. I personally love the words of Shakespeare - how flowing and traditional they are. This is a love poem about the general person - how money and fame seems to be the way people get to find a "love." It is much a contrast of a more modern aspect of society and the traditionalist nature of the farmers and workers of the 16th and 17th century.
The Truth of the Doves
Alas, my lass, thy heart is bound
In synergy the muses produce thy sound
Bittersweet in the lower tones
Enter delight while the harmony drones
Thy blade is dull, yet pierces so clean
Tis the truth behind thee that seems to glean
When red pursues white, true colors are shown
The innards make the meatiest moan
Need not love beauty and fame?
Need not love fate and name?
I say to thee neither of these
For time is key, as well as shame
To live under thy new name
Happiness arrives, deviation subsides
Yet swimming against the highest of tides
The mellophone plays its sorrowful tune
Coupled with a flute thy love doth croon
Comments
This is wonderful
Posted by: Articles | April 4, 2009 2:22 AM
You do a good job evoking Elizabethan diction here. However, in the future there are a few things to consider if you want to continue down the formalist path. The first thing, and probably the hardest, is the need for a regular rhythym. Shakespeare, at least in the poetry and in the plays when nobles spoke, wrote in iambic pentameter. This tends to be the standard metre of english speech and poetry. I'm not sure you ever settle completely into a metre. The other thing to think about is rhyme scheme. You break yours in the third stanza, which in this style of poetry signals something very important is happening, but there isn't necessarily the pay off. In some ways this is closer to the ballad trad. than High Elizabethan verse. Might want to look at John Donne, John Milton and Sir Philip Sidney's woek. 4.25/5
Posted by: r. | April 12, 2009 8:08 PM