The Calmer: A MMOJoe Story
It's a weekend, basically, and you and some friends are hanging out in your apartment pwning some n00bs in Rock Bank, when you suddenly hear a handful of thumps coming from your floor. It's the downstairs neighbors, clearly envious of your mad skittles, and they're pissed. So what's one to do? Everyone has been in this situation, and everyone knows the agony of having to tell their neighbors that they should man up because you're in a tougher major program than them, and if you can relax, they can too.
Fear no more ladies and gentlemen, we have a solution: Call the Calmer. He knows the right words to say, and if he can manage to step away for a few minutes from the titillating world that is Final Fantasy, he'll calm anyone down, so long as they appear within earshot.
So who is this great, calming force? As if you didn't already know! It's MMOJoe, obviously. He merely needs to make his presence known, and the classical art majors will have all their concerns alleviated. "We're terribly sorry for the noise," he explains. "But we've gotten into a serious thing, and it just couldn't be avoided. We're working on the problem, and hope to have it fixed sometime during the night. If it continues to be a problem, please, just give us a call and we'll do our best to ensure your total satisfaction."
Everyone has heard this spiel before. His voice sounds exactly like the customer service representative you encounter during internet outages, siding with you as you express your distaste for the corporate pigs which insist on making your lives as tough as humanly possible. He sympathizes, and explains that he too, gets frustrated with the late night screaming of the myth known as "DK", possibly short for Donkey Kong. He gives his digits, and tells you that if the noise because unbearable again, he'd be more than welcome to accommodate your requests for silence.
He walks through the words just like a cars salesman attempting to sell a car that he knows is listed as having 100,000 miles less than it actually does. He knows the noise will return, and he knows he'll have to deal with it again. But for now, he's done. What happens next will be worried about later, because after all, there's Chocobo racing to get back to.