It was raining this morning so I decided to take the bus. Normally, I find bus drivers to be rather surly and I think most of them take pleasure in racing away as some poor sap runs to catch them. But, this morning I witnessed the most unpredictable of events. The driver of my bus saw a kid miss the 2 running ahead of us, and swooped in to save him. He quickly pulled up to the curb, opened the door, and yelled "Quick get in, we'll catch him!" He then zipped down University, where he did indeed catch the 2 at a traffic light. The kid hopped off the 6U and onto the 2, and I found it impossible to be crabby for the rest of the day.
I found this blog, "Stuff White People Like" a few weeks, ago, but yesterday's post was especially enjoyable since I spent most of yesterday drooling over furniture at Room and Board.
I didn't buy any Noguchi, Eames, or Saarinen, but that's probably only because I don't have the money. I've wanted an Eames rocker for a while, but it'll have to wait. I did get myself a new mattress. It's 100% natural latex, wrapped in bio wool and organic cotton, since my new favorite thing to be afraid of is toxic chemicals. Specifically this week it's mattress "off-gassing." It was probably sprayed with flame retardant anyway, but I tried. Lest you think me mad, I should also point out that latex mattresses are good for allergy sufferers such as myself, because dust mites can't live in them. Which is of course the real reason I bought one, but it's not as sexy sounding. It weighs about a million pounds, so I have to wait for it to be delivered on Saturday. I'm counting the days--very exciting stuff.
A friend just sent me this parody of a vintage AFSCME PSA to prevent my dedication to the strike from wavering. It is so very good.
Me four years ago...
At least it's warmer outside this time.
(also known as)
ostrich, kangaroo, alligator
bear, salmon, deer
wild turkey, crocodile, halibut
The alligator and kangaroo were, surprisingly, the least icky. I did not enjoy the bear. Thanks to the hosts of the "Wild Game Feed," who decided ordering a bunch of meat from exoticmeats.com would be a funny excuse for a party. You were right. I'm only sorry I missed the wild boar.
I recently moved and suddenly find myself without Internet or cable TV. It's going to be quite a lifestyle change. I'm not sure what I am going to do with all this extra time, but I have already found the appropriate shoes for it.
I've also received a few emails about this NYT article: A Hipper Crowd of Shushers. Of course I'm hip--and my new shoes definitely say "Less shush, more lush." Though if you look closely, you'll note that they still have sensibly low heals.
Are you currently without plans for Sunday, July 1st? Do you enjoy carrying boxes? I will be moving across town on July 1st. I think we would make an excellent team, you and I.
In completely unrelated news, I came home to find Mr. Jones belly up on the back of the couch, motionless, with his mouth hanging open and his wide, glassy eyes fixed on the ceiling. I thought he was dead, but the little bastard was just sleeping. Why would he do that to me? I've never seen him sleep with his eyes open before. I wonder if he's found out about my intrigues with Vern the duck?
In more completely unrelated news. I found an entire informational binder on stick figures in peril abandoned at work today. I was going to decorate my new office with robots, but now I wonder if I should do danger signs instead. Maybe I could do robots in peril? Or stick figures attacked by robots? The possibilities are endless.
I think my favorite is "death by auger." It kind of reminds me of the power take-off I was repeatedly warned about as a child. Hmmm... I have just renamed my imaginary band "Power Take-off." I may even have to journey out of the land of the imaginary long enough to make a band t-shirt. Maybe a stick figure sucked into a PTO driven by a robot? How cool would that be?!
May 4, 2007
It wasn't the best show I've ever seen, but you can't really go wrong with Electric Six. Plus it was only $1 so I'm not going to complain. Turns out that a camera with a big zoom and "image stabalization" is still just a camera in the dark. I really thought it was going to be magic. It's possible I just chose the wrong setting. I guess I could read the manual. It's also possible that if I had put a little effort into it instead of standing at the back of the room they would have turned out a bit better.
On the other hand, look how close I got to this mutant duck that is camped out in my back yard. I will not rest until I have identified it. Someone out there must have more knowlege of ducks than myself. I've seen it hanging out with both wood ducks and mallards and it doesn't look like either of them.
And yes, there is cause for alarm that I'm more interested in this duck than Dick Valentine at the moment.
This Valentine's Day I went to see my new dentist. Some of you may recall that several of the dentists at my old clinic tried to kill me. So, I have a new dentist now at a new clinic. I got a quick polish and a few X-rays. The new dentist asked, "Have you had braces?" No. "Have you been hit in the face recently?" Oh stop you're making me blush, I said. Wait, I've been asked this before.... SON OF A BITCH.
Countdown to my next root canal begins today. Avoid me on February 28th--I'm probably going to be really cranky. This time it's the tooth right next to the one that took me to hell and back. At least this one doesn't hurt. At least not yet. I guess that's what happens when your dentist believes you the first time you say, "I think there might be something wrong with my tooth" instead of sending you home with a bottle of Valium and orders to relax.
Guess who got a Butter Boy for Christmas?! Amee, who was blissfully ignorant of my butter boy backstory, gave it to me. I got to tell her and her husband's parents about it. I don't think they thought it was as funny as I did, but it is a Christmas memory I'll cherish for years to come.
Lisa gets two thumbs up as well for giving me a voodoo doll toothpick holder. It will be perfect for my next Cannibal Night.
I think I have scurvy. Scurrrrrrrrrrvy! Arrrrrrr.
Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day!
Wilhelmina Wonka --|
A deadly strain of projectiile vomit
'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com
Sometimes the Triple Rock has early shows and it's a good idea to double check the calendar so you're not 4 hours late to see Langhorne Slim.
It's perfectly legal to run around downtown Minneapolis with a hunting bow if you have a license. Or at least it's legal according to Tim.
Tourists don't always think it's funny when they are roaming around Nicollet Island and someone with a hunting bow spears a huge stinky carp, pulls it out of the river, grunts, and throws it on the sidewalk to die.
Snarky girls can safely mock cavemen with hunting bows because they don't issue licenses in Minnesota to harvest snarky girls.
Digital cameras are everywhere these days and with the popularity of flickr and other online photo albums I really have to learn how to not make "that face."
I'm too paranoid to use the symptom checker at mayoclinic.com.
Best Cheap Thrill: Crystal Meth
Reader's Choice: Joining an Angry Mob
In a related, but dramatically less successful attempt at satire, the City Pages chose Crystal Meth as it's pick for "Best Cheap Thrill." Which isn't bad in itself, except that the bit really wasn't very well written and is prompting quite the backlash of readers threatening to never buy the free paper again. However, what is even more ridiculous is the editor's choice to sooth the tempers of its angry readers by arrogantly declaring that if they didn't get the joke they are "seriously dense." What was seriously dense was thinking their audience was going to get the joke in the first place. It was a bit naive, but I won't hate them for daring to hope.
I made it about half a mile Monday before I started thinking about turning back. Moments later the driver's side windshield wiper flew off my car and sealed the deal. I couldn't see where I was going before the wiper fell off, so the drive back home was a little tense. I decided going to work wasn't worth taking four different buses, so I stayed home and spent the morning watching really bad soap operas and cars getting stuck at the corner in front of my house.
My back yard
I've reached the age where most of my friends have spawned or are about to spawn. I am childless and sometimes have a hard time relating to my new mini-friends. Finally, I think I have found a tool that will help bridge the gap between baby and "auntie."
Are you a parent? Are you thirsty? Too many of us allow our infant sons and daughters to lay about idly: napping, drinking milk, and sometimes ‚Äúturning over.‚Ä? Why not have them mix you a cocktail?
Tots will be entranced by the shapes and colors, all the while learning how to mix a variety of basic cocktails. An essential purchase for expectant parents, harried mothers, hungry fathers, and overly involved grandparents.
Whether it's an Old-Fashioned for Grandpa or a Champagne cocktail for Nanny, this 12-page vibrantly colored instructional board book is captivating for parents and babies alike.
I recently purchased this gem for my old college roommate on the occasion of baby #3. She seemed a little puzzled but no more so than my cousin when I told his 1 year old, "no no, you need to turn it clockwise." I say they're never going to get smart if you talk to them like an idiot. Idan's only a month old, so I don't expect that his motor skills are ready for board books, let alone jiggers of vodka. But when his fingers catch up his mind will be ready right? I can taste that martini already.
I plan on sleeping for about another month and a half. I might invite a few folks into my cave, but I don't plan to emerge until mid-March, just in time for Electric Six at First Avenue.
2.) Scott Stapp has a new album (I'm going to judge this book by it's cover and just assume it sucks.)
3.) Ashley Simpson has a new album too, I am Me. The lighting designer for her photo shoot deserves some sort of award. The highlights on her blonde hair and her enormous jacked up boobs really enforces the album's theme by setting her apart from her sister, Jessica.
4.) The Runestone is back in the news! Go hometown! [Download file]
My new bike:
I bought it at Bike Masters. They had a sign out front that read "Save a cowboy, ride a bike." I thought that was rather daring for the suburbs so I decided to lend my support by adding another bike to my collection of seldom used exercise equipment. And given my recent obsession with bacon, I don't suppose I bought it a moment too soon. I got the basket and "I love my bike" bell from a new bike shop in Northeast called Behind Bars.
My friend and I took both a bus and a train yesterday to go to the Mall of America. These are three things I never do. When we arrived we were met by a pack of screaming metal heads. It turns out Tommy Lee was there signing autographs. He looked old. We should have hung out a bit to see if any of the ladies in line asked him to sign their boobs, but we ran off in search of crepes. He left right as we were walking past towards the bus stop. We almost got run down by a bunch of secuity guards and kids in black t-shirts with cameras screaming "Tommy! Tommy!"
I don't know that the train was faster than driving, but it was pretty entertaining. We never would have struck up a conversation with a stranger about Mad Cow Disease stuck in rush hour traffic on 35W. In the end, we decided the only safe food to eat is bacon.
Actual conversation overheard at the mall:
girl #1: "I, like, always thought that Thai food was really spicy Chinese food."
girl #2: "ha ha ha, dummy! No, it's Indian."
Overheard on the Metra to Chicago:
"And what's the deal with condo association fees. They're so ridiculous. If I wanted to associate with my neighbors I'd just introduce myself."
Insomnia is a total drag. You'd think I'd be getting a lot more done not having slept for a few weeks now, but mostly all I do is walk into door frames and stare vacantly into the wall.
...and really, I didn't. But, I was given an unexpected "large for me" sum of money that I feel I have to waste as soon as possible. So what to buy?
Should I go on a cruise with a bunch of circus freaks? Or perhaps a trip to the Big Apple? Or maybe the Big Easy? Or should I have laser correction done on my eyes? Or should I buy some furniture? Or should I pay my tuition? Or should I piss it away on pizza and booze?
I hate making decisions.
So this weekend I put in a little family time and went to visit my parents. While home I stopped by my uncle's to see his new trebuchet:
View movie (AVI, about 2MB)
It's not big enough to fling a cow, a piano, or your dead friend Tooley--but it did move that brick about 60 yards.
I think I might make him a paper mache head to fling. He's already got the gory historical stories, but he needs a better visual than a brick.
Yesterday the department I work in got a very crazy letter. It was sent certified mail, addressed only to "instructors," and is very disconnected and hard to read. The message I think it contains is "do you in the scientific and technical communication community know of any secret devices (ectomological?) that could be controlling the way I am perceived by women?"
Apparently, the poor writer of this letter received an unsolicited autographed photo of Clint Eastwood in 1993 and his sex life has been non-existant ever since.
At first I thought it was a joke, an exercise in using the word "excarnification." It reminds me of an old friend, Phil, from high school. I don't really think it's from him though. If it is a joke it's a good one. If it's not a joke and the letter, besides being crazy, is also coated in poison...well, I had some good times. I washed my hands. Hopefully I won't die.
So, I have had dental pain for the last 2 weeks that kept getting progressively worse. The first THREE times I went in I was told that it was probably stress related, ie. clenching or grinding my teeth. I can't believe it. Has the world gone mad? Does the answer to everything they can't find a solution for in the 15 minutes they can spare to treat me always have to be stress?
Granted, yes, I have some issues with anxiety, but the thing that's been stressing me out the most these days is having to decide whether or not I'd look like a hillbilly if I pulled my teeth out with a pliers. (I can't be a hillbilly--my cousins are already married.)
To be fair, it was really weird. The pain kept moving around. The first time I went in my upper left molars were kind of sore and sensitive to cold. So the dentist took xrays of the back teeth, which showed nothing, and put some desensitizing treatment on them. He thought I was clenching my jaw. Ironically, he said sometimes the pain that causes is bad enough to make someone think they need a root canal.
The second time I went in the entire left side of my jaw was sore. That time a second dentist actually did check for a tooth abscess, but he checked the wrong one. He decided that my problem was still likely stress and referred me to a TMD specialist.
The specialist (visit number three) didn't see any signs of grinding, but he said it was very possible I was doing it. He told me he could make me a splint, but suggested that if my grinding was stress related that often the event is over before he can finish the splint. They're really expensive so I decided to pass. Which turned out to be good. His solution was to give me a bottle of Valium to help me relax. I think it was at this point that I started swearing.
Anyway, the next night (right in the middle of my class / exam) all the pain focused in on one tooth so I went in AGAIN the next day and ended up seeing the emergency dentist, who was the same guy I'd seen the first visit. This time he took one took at me and my new X-ray and said "wow that's one angry tooth," flipped the chair back and immediately did a root canal. Apparently valium doesn't relax angry teeth. I guess typically this happens to a tooth that's already had decay or trauma. They asked me if I'd ever been hit in the face--15 years ago I was in a car accident and knocked some teeth around. So, I guess that could be it?
Maybe it was really just a difficult diagnosis? I do appreciate that they didn't just start drilling, but at the same time, I wonder if they were very thorough. All I can say is that I'd better not have any problems with it.
It was definitely the worst experience of my life thus far. Now that it's mostly over, I can think of quite a few things that probably hurt worse (getting stabbed, childbirth, kidney stones, having your arms ripped off by the power take-off on a tractor) but at the time I swore I was going to die. I do feel vindicated that my problem was actually something more than stress. And having a sore, swollen mouth is the perfect excuse to eat nothing but ice cream.
I guess I'll save the valium for my next "Valley of the Dolls" themed party.
I'm several years behind, but I finally broke down Wednesday and bought a cell phone. I feel very weird about it, sort of grown up and ashamed. Hopefully it won't make me rude.
The good and the bad of last week:
Good--Finding Neverland, even though my friend Mary said that a couple of those Davis boys committed suicide later in life. The kid who played Peter was pretty good, which gives me hope for the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie.
Good--Hip Art that's Square @ the Goldstein Gallery. My favorite album cover was "Mambo for Cats." I had no idea there were so many parodies of "Whipped Cream and Other Delights."
Good--Smoking ban. I went to Dusty's last night and there was no smoke to bother my allergies.
Bad--pollenating trees bother my allergies.
Bad--pizza from Manhatten Loft on the East Bank
Good/Bad--Closer for free at Coffman Union. The movie was good, but the film was slightly out of focus and the sound was funny. But it was free.
Good/Bad--"Girlfriend in a Coma" by the Smiths. But it was a bad week to have it stuck in my head. I blame the circus that claims to be the news.
Normally I don't have much use for the Minnesota Daily, but I must admit the juxtaposition of above the fold headline "U official eyes Senate run" and a photograph of a young man pointing at his groin gave me a good chuckle. It was much more funny than anything in their parody issue.
I actually did look at the Daily long enough to check in on Radio K. It seems the University's fees committee voted to give them $37,000 less than the $147,000 they asked for. It really is a pitty, especially now that it has new competition in the Current. A person can't help but wonder if that 2 million (right?) MPR raised isn't going to take a little oomph out of Radio K's next power surge.
But, speaking of the Current: I really don't understand some of the backlash. Some of it sure, but most of it I don't. Someone told me the other day that I listen to the Current because they play stuff that sounds like what I like. That's just a stupid argument, even if his point was that they aren't exposing me to anything new. Which they are. As to the diversity argument, I imagine they'll be buying a few more CDs with their share of that 2 million.
This was rushed to me off the AP wire for fear that my friend Scott Moen was leading a double life--riding busses and killing woman who date inmates. But, it turns out the alleged murderer is a different Moen. When asked to comment on Scotty Moen, Scott Moen replied, "I bet he was pissed off because everybody called him 'Scotty.'"
Minnesota man is suspect in strangulation death
SUPERIOR, Wis. (AP) - A Minnesota man is charged in the strangulation death of a Superior woman. The 36-year-old Twin Cities man was arrested at a bar in Finland (Minn.) over the weekend. Scotty Moen is awaiting extradition to Douglas County. Thirty-eight-year-old Jackie Lonke was found strangled Wednesday by friends who went to check on her at her home. Authorities say an autopsy showed Lonke was dead since the Saturday before, October ninth.
Police say Lonke and Moen arrived from the Twin Cities on a bus that Saturday. The two then visited Lonke's finance at the Douglas County Jail where he's an inmate. This past weekend, police say they learned Lonke may have been in contact with a Twin Cities law enforcement agency the day before the two boarded a bus for Superior.
(Copyright 2004 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)
Interesting things I saw driving to my 10 year high school reunion:
*a giant stuffed pink gorilla strapped to the grill of a truck
*a camper that brought along it's own roll of artificial turf
*way too many bilboards for low carb beer & liquor
*way too many dead skunks
Interesting things I saw AT my high school reunion:
*Nothing, but incidentally the guys changed more than we ladies did (I was expecting it to be the opposite.)
I got my "prom" dress this past weekend. It is early 80s / late 70s, polyester, fuschia, and totally rad. Now I just need to figure out how to feather my hair. I'll really have to think about my hair style, because if I win prom queen (and why wouldn't I?) I'll need to accommodate a tiara.
The other day Mr. Jones climbed into my monkey head and fell asleep. Soon, the monkey head pitched off the bookshelf and hit the floor with a pathetic little thud. Both cat and monkey head are doing fine.
Register to vote at an art fair and this could happen to you:
Season One of "Northern Exposure" is released on DVD today. I am very excited.
I think that checking a person's blog for new entries three times per day constitutes stalking. Who's with me here? Maybe it's just a little bit geeky? Maybe I shouldn't make fun of the only person who reads this? And the big question... how long till KB adds his comment?
And they're off...