May 13, 2008

Devotchka

Devotchka w/ Basia Bulat
May 6, 2008, First Avenue

Oooh, Devotchka was GOOD. I haven't felt this smitten since I broke off my imaginary engagement to Dick. Maybe I should marry Nick Urata instead? He wears frilly tuxedo shirts and plays the theremin. I could build an imaginary life around that.

But seriously, it was an excellent show. They even had aerialists swinging from the light rigging. Spring came late this year, but now that I've remembered how much fun it is to leave the house, I'm going to need to find something else to do soon.

slavicsisters.jpg nick.jpg

Posted by me at 9:38 AM

April 13, 2008

Got Milk?

What do Dick Valentine and the California Milk Processor Board Have in Common?

This?

Music by Tyler Spencer & Zach Shipps of Electric Six
Directed by Tom Kuntz (of Danger! High Voltage fame)


http://www.youtube.com/user/WhiteGoldISWhiteGold

http://www.whitegoldiswhitegold.com
http://www.myspace.com/WhiteGoldIsWhiteGold

Posted by me at 9:44 AM

October 9, 2007

DV era comes to a close

Baby Vs baby again /
Why can't my girlfriends be friends?

It is with great sadness that I must call off my fake engagement to DV. Today, I had the misfortune of listening to last week's WFMU archived episode of "Diane's Kamikaze Fun Machine" during which my imaginary fiance talked about his engagement to his real girlfriend. I'm no home wrecker. If you listen closely, you can hear my heart break around the 1 hour mark.

I think I'll close the book on this chapter of my life by recapping it in timeline format:

Spring 2003, I listen to Fire at Radio K while Susan does her DJ shift. I leave the experience confused. Soon after, I hear DV on Radio K talking about riding a moose. I look up the video for D!HV and become a fan.
March 26, 2003, I attend my first E6 show at the Entry. I will see them twice more before...
April 24th, 2004, DV sings Bette Midler's "The Rose" between Stop and Continue. I immediately "leave" Jack White for DV.
Aprl 28th, 2005, I attempt to speak to DV but end up shaking his hand and running away giggling like a 13 year old girl.
March 24, 2006, DV and I become "engaged" via a joke on kidneybingo's flickr page. I will see E6 twice more and dance around a giant mushroom in a monkey head before...
December 14, 2006, I fly to NYC to do some sightseeing. Coincidentally, this is the same day as DV's show at Joe's Pub. I will see E6 twice more before...

Today, E6's new album (very good by the way) is released and so am I. I will continue my obsession with E6, but on a much less fantastic level.

Hot tips for a rebound rock show are appreciated.

Posted by me at 10:17 PM

January 22, 2007

Happy Birthday Dick!

Hallmark doesn't make birthday cards for imaginary fiances, but I found this on the Internet and it should do the trick.

Posted by me at 4:21 PM

January 1, 2007

Rubber Rocket vs. Rubber Balls (Happy New Year)

The last thing I learned in 2006 is that Dick has still got it...
Rubber Rocket video on YouTube
. Is that Frank Lloyd Bonaventure in the furry white coat? Electric Six will be back at First Avenue May 4th!

The first thing I learned in 2007 is that Harpo Marx played the harp. Who could have guessed? The second thing was that the hop ball you used to have as a kid is even more fun than you remember. Racing Lisa around her dining room on her sons' "Hop 66" and "Rody" was absolutely the best way to ring in the new year. Photos were not taken, so here is an artistic rendering of the event:

hop.jpg

Posted by me at 1:20 PM

December 18, 2006

Because you never know, you never know, you never know, until you go…

New York City: Day One
Thursday, December 14

Kathy and I took an early flight out of MSP to JFK. There was hardly anyone on the plane. I guess most people are smart enough not to start their vacation by getting up at 3am. Eager to ride the subway and to avoid a $50 cab fare we jumped in the AirTrain and took the A train to Penn Station. Seven dollars! Piece of cake!

JFK

Having experienced the marvel that is New York's MTA, I can now officially start complaining about how much mass transit in the Twin Cities sucks. It only took about two stops for a guy on the train to start rapping. A few stops later an old lady asked me if I wanted to be saved by Jesus (I didn't.) I saw three people wearing identical quilted leather jackets. Taking the subway was pretty cool, not because we spent an hour underground in a dark tunnel, but because we went from the nothingness that was the airport (the surrounding area looked a bit like Lake and Hiawatha), and emerged from underground in the middle of Manhattan. The first thing we saw as we were hauling our suitcases up the stairs to 8th Avenue was the Empire State Building.

We were able to check in to the hotel early and spent the first part of the afternoon walking around. We saw the Flatiron Building and Kathy ate a hotdog from a vendor. Next we stopped in at the Chelsea Hotel. I remembered you well. It was such a nice day that we decided to take a City Line cruise that took us around the southern tip of the island, downtown, past the Statue of Liberty. It was nice until the sun went down about 45 minutes into the 2-hour trip. After the cruise we were hungry and frozen so we popped into a BBQ joint for a sandwich. By this time it was dark so we walked over to Time Square and Rockefeller Plaza. The tree was huge and giant projected snowflakes fell down the side of Rockefeller Center. We took a bus back to the hotel to ready ourselves for the Dick Valentine show. Turns out both Kathy and I independently decided that the choice sexy outfit for a night out in New York was jeans and a black turtleneck. I think this is amusing.

The Elton John tribute show before Dick was running late so we just hung out by the door and waited. I met fellow Electric Six enthusiast Nicky and her fiancé Dave. The show was pretty cool. Joe's pub was nice, but not so hip that Kathy and I were turned away at the door for not being fabulous enough. The only thing I didn't like about Joe's Pub was the woman in the ladies room who wouldn't let me wash my own hands. Restroom valets give me the creeps.

Dick was accompanied on several songs by a woman named Smith. Smith played a Nord Electro 2 and was, according to Dick, the only person in the room who had been to Detroit besides him. And Dave Kaplan.

Dick Valentine

American Troubadour set list:
She's White (part one)
Snowball (Devo cover)
She's White (part two)
She's Guatemala
She's White (part three)
Explains that he can't believe he's only getting $9000 (I'm pretty sure he was joking) for playing the show when the guy who wrote the music for Brokeback Mountain made "one billion dollars" for strumming two notes.
"Who hates the French as much as I do?"
I Don't Speak French
"Anyone here in love?" silence. "No?"
I Invented the Night
When I Win the Lottery (Camper Van Beethoven cover)
Explains that the next song is one he cowrote with Eddie Vedder and it is about a father and a son and a curse and the audience tonight is going to lift the curse... etc.
Dance Commander
Jimmy Carter
Pink Flamingos
"Who here considers themselves to be hardcore Electric Six fans?" Wild applause. "Who considers themselves to be hardcore Bongwater fans?" One lone, quiet "woo."
Living End (Bongwater cover)
Hysteria (Def Leppard cover)
Synthesizer
Vengeance and Fashion / Taxi to Nowhere
Explains that Jack White taught him how to splice his songs together. Acknowledges that he owes "all this" to Jack.
Jack White Song (sung in a rather spot on high pitched Jack White shriek)
States "I'm going to hell."
Lenny Kravitz
Night Vision (invites three girls onto stage to sing back up)
Gay Bar (invites everyone onto stage)
Tells everyone to get off the stage and not to touch him. Everyone responds by touching him as they leave the stage.
Forever in Blue Jeans (Neil Diamond cover)
Band in Hell
??? Title Unknown??? I think the lyrics contained the phrase "pressure cooker."
Tiny Little Men

After the show Tyler immediately took off like Satan was after him. But not before I jumped in front of him to say hi. He recognized me, which kind of surprised me, saying "All the way from Minnesota!" I told him I was excited to be in NYC and he said I'd have a good time. I did.

Posted by me at 12:06 PM

December 3, 2006

Dick and Balls

Happy Birthday to me! Theme 31: Is it over yet?

This year's birthday involved a visit to the bowling alley where I unequivocally proved that dedicating your bowling balls to someone (in my case Dick Valentine) before you toss them down the lane improves your performance.

For example, observe frame one of game three:

All downhill from here

Kathy dedicated her ball to John Bon Jovi, while Marv, Dave and myself dedicated our balls to Dick Valentine. Scott didn't. Scott only scored a nine, while Kathy, myself, Dave, and Marv all got strikes.

We also discovered speed bowling, which is what you get when you buy the lane by the hour instead of by the game. Speed bowling occasionally results in unfortunate ball / gate collisions that proprietors of bowling alleys do not find amusing.

After bowling, I met Chris and Lisa at the 331 club. Lisa gave me Warhol lips for shushing.

Chrisified Warhol Lips

Speaking of shushing... TNT premieres the sequel to The Librarian tonight. The Librarian was ridiculously stupid, but worth watching if only to see Bob Newhart kill a man with his bare hands. Hopefully there will be plenty of Bob in this one too.

Posted by me at 6:47 PM

November 15, 2006

"Have you ever been to New York City?"

As a matter of fact, Dick Valentine, I haven't.

My last class is Dec. 13th. Anyone want to go to NYC with me on the 14th to stalk Dick Valentine?

Posted by me at 8:51 AM

October 30, 2006

More Bears, Less Bores

Electric Six @ First Avenue
October 27, 2006

w/ The Blue Van & Aberdeen City

Holy crap.

While I was waiting for Electric Six to take the stage I challenged Scott to a game of pool. Check out the cue ball:

Cue ball

The night just got better and better.

Until Scott got killed by a polar bear:

Scott getting attacked by a bear at Electric Six

The show was awesome. I rushed the stage. There was no oxygen up there, but I totally got pummeled so it was OK. I spent a good deal of the evening with my face planted into the back of a guy wearing a white shirt. I'd like to thank Mr. White Shirt for being a soft landing. I have a nice bruise on my left shoulder. It's shaped like a lightning bolt. Ok it's not. But...

This is what an Electric Six crowd should look like. Less bores, more bears. Plus Dave's fu manchu kicks a little ass:

...at Electric Six

My photos got much, much worse. It was sort of hard to hold the camera still. And they should all be captioned "Shannon, clean the dust off your lens."

This was for me:

Dick Valentine

Percussion World is from Wisconsin Dells, Minnesota. During Dick's pre-"Rock and Roll Evacuation" BUUUUUSSSSHHHHH monolog, he said that they are going to build a new Mount Rushmore on top of the Renaissance Center in Detroit featuring Jesus and the Devil and Elvis and Dave Pirner of Soul Asylum and BUUUUSSSSHHHH. I tried to video it but screwed it up.

Dick's intro to just about every song was that it just wasn't going to be good enough this year for the Detroit Tigers. It was Brad's birthday, from the Blue Van, so Dick brought him up on stage and sang Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors" to him.

I drank a bit. I was feeling good. I high-fived Nash while he was walking by minding his own business. Percussion World said he really liked my video so I hugged him. Then I found Dick and suavely introduced myself like this: "Hi, I'm Shannon. I humped a giant mushroom dressed like a monkey and you put me on your guest list. Thanks." He said I should make a video for "Night Vision." I said maybe I will but it's gonna have to have a monkey head in it. Dick laughed at me. He still wants to marry me, I can tell. I said hi to Dequindre at the merch table, where I met Mike (inexperienced trailer backer) Dundon. He invited me to hang out but I was dying for pizza so I gave him my phone number instead. Tait? and The Colonel illuded me. Four out of six isn't too bad, but I really wanted to ask Tait? his opinion of Keytars. Oh well, next time.

I miss them.

Posted by me at 10:32 PM

July 21, 2006

"I Buy the Drugs" Video revealed

That video I'm not in is up on YouTube. Someday, when it's right, I'll get my chance to have a pillow fight with Dick Valentine.

It's no "Danger! High Voltage" but it's fun. Except for that green screen stuff--they could have left that out.

Also, "Mr. Woman" and "Infected Girls" are up on My Space.

Posted by me at 10:12 AM

July 14, 2006

A break from the "break"

Have I mentioned lately that I hate Nickleback?

How about that I love Dick Valentine? Now I love him even more:

Ok, I confess, I haven't actually been taking a break. I've just been gushing about Electric Six "over in the UK" at Phil's snappy new message board: http://www.philmein.co.uk/phpBB2/. We talk about important stuff like, is "Honolulu" is a good song, and does Phil's drawing of The Colonel need more facial hair?

I think I may need to really take a break now. A clear sign that I am starting to go mad: Last night I had a dream that I was at Tait Nucleus?'s house and he let me classify his hair products. (I'm in library school--subconsciously my interests are colliding in strange, strange ways.) I developed this whole taxonomy, for example: "things that clean" "things that loft" & "things a girl might want to borrow" for extra stuff like eyebrow pencils. Tait was so greatful that I had brought order to his sea of styling aids that he made me a grilled cheese sandwhich.

I need a distraction. Luckily Langhorne Slim and Low are in town tonight.

Posted by me at 9:33 AM

July 10, 2006

Oh Lonesome Me: Song of the Weak / Week

Electric Six has come and gone, and my post show despair has settled in nicely. I think I need to take a break, but with the new album coming out in 2 months, that may be easier said than done. But for now, this one's for you Dick Valentine:

"Oh Lonesome Me" by Anna Fermin's Trigger Gospel from the album Down to the Promised Land: 5 Years Of Bloodshot Records.

;)
 

Posted by me at 11:26 AM

July 8, 2006

Rocking the Suburbs

Electric Six @ MN Zoo
July 7, 2006

Electric Six put on a really great show tonight at the MN Zoo. Dick was in top form--he was very chatty and all the pushups / dance moves were employed full force, including some new moves straight out of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video. Which was sort of fitting because the audience might have been dead. At least until some poor DJ introduced the Psychedelic Furs as the Electric Furs. Then they turned a little undead.

And the Crowd Went Mild...
The crowd goes wild... This was during the show. I'm not kidding.

Electric Six opened with "Improper Dancing" which I really wasn't ready for. I had snuck down to the front row, but wasn't ready to dance yet, let alone dance improperly. I don't really have any moves, rather just end either jerking my hips uncomfortably or flailing around like Kermit at the beginning of the Muppet Show. I guess I could have pulled out the "Monkey Dance" seeing how I was at the zoo, but since I was completely sober I thought better of it. Still after a song or two I couldn't control myself anymore. In reality I was probably barely twitching, but to me I was dancing. At the very least I was standing up.

Valentine explained that they had been "hand-picked" by the Psychedelic Furs to open for them and how this was a "tremendous opportunity" for them. He mentioned the Replacements and Soul Asylum, then I just about died when he said it's good to be here in Minnesota, Apple Valley, off of Johnny Cake Road--after the show we're going to purify ourselves in the water of Lake Minnetonka.

Electric Six
A giant pot of flowers and good manners were all that separated me from the band.

After wowing the suburbanites witih "Naked Pictures (of your mother)" and a new song about changing your gender midlife, Valentine treated us to an anti-Bush (BUUUUUUSSSSSSHHHHH! ) rant before "Rock and Roll Evacuation" in which he painted a future world of Bushes for us: Jeb Bush, then some other Bush, years later spermatozoa Bush. Maybe even one of us ladies could carry a Bush someday, he suggested... then he screamed something along the lines of "Can you imagine if Gore was president right now? We'd all be speaking freaking Arabic!!!! " and keeled over. It was brilliant. This was pretty much met with the same blank stares that the entire show got. So, he said that politics weren't funny, not unless you were from Minnesota and had elected a professional wrestler governor. Touche.

After their set the band pretty much vanished. I guess I can't blame them. I was sort of hoping Valentine would come out and profess his love for me, but it was not to be. Oh well. I'll get him in October--8th time's the charm.

The Psychedelic Furs were really old. They made me wonder what I would be doing 25 years from now, in a bad way. And they wore lots of black to match their dyed hair. We stayed for four or five songs at which point I swear I had heard one twice so we took off and went Psycho Suzie's for pizza & vodka. Yum. After a few slices, PJ had a vision of my future in which I was in a delivery room about to have a baby and Dick Valentine was doing pushups next to my bed. Every once in a while he would stop and yell "PUUUUUUSSSSSHHHHH!"

Set List (not in order):
Improper Dancing
Danger High Voltage
Naked Pictures (of Your Mother)
Synthesizer
Mr. Woman?
Gay Bar
Devil Nights
Future Boys
Future is In the Future
Rock and Roll Evacuation
Dance Commander

Posted by me at 10:30 AM

May 13, 2006

The bowling ball wants it to mean something

Bowling at Bryant Lake Bowl
Friday, May 12, 2006

Friday I got a chance to re-test my theory that you bowl better if you dedicate your frame to people or things. I did pretty well--a couple of strikes and a couple of spares for "my love for Dick Valentine."

flickr
Picking up the spare for DV.

Anthony pointed out that it really wasn't fair of me to dedicate every ball to Dick, so I tried mixing in my love for cheese, my love for my cat, and that the bastard squirrel who keeps tipping over my bird feeder should get what's coming to him. But, I didn't do nearly so well as when I bowled for Dick. I actually got a gutter ball trying to damn the squirrel. I guess the bowling spirits don't appreciate violence or hate.

I ended up bowling a 102 and a 108. Not half bad. So, I think my theory is proven.

Also worth noting is that I had to meet new people for the second time this week (the first being a few howwastheshow.com people at Dave's birthday Wednesday.) Somehow I managed to survive. Hi new people--you aren't that scary/creepy after all?

Posted by me at 10:35 AM

April 3, 2006

Still sick, but encouraged by wonders of technology

The internet is amazing! I have diagnosed myself with the following ailments using the symptom checker at mayoclinc.com:

dickvalentinnitus: inability to hear both sounds and reason after encountering Dick Valentine

dickvalentinosis: the belief that one has caught a cold from Dick Valentine

dickvalentinemia: fatigue brought on by vitamin E6 deficiency

***It is worth noting that Zycam did absolutely nothing to help or prevent any of the above condtions. Robitussen is proving almost as worthless at curing them.

At least the nurse at "ask mayo" said I don't need to see a doctor yet. I don't have enough "red flag" symptoms. I have three more weeks of coughing to go before you need to start to worry about me.

Bigger Problem: assuming that I recover by Saturday, do I go to the Dirtbombs show at the Entry or to Langhorn Slim at Triple Rock?

Oh yeah, (it is strangely addictive Nate) Kung Pao FM. Go now before you miss it. Wait... nevermind you already did. I'm going to miss that Chinese pop.

Posted by me at 5:04 PM

March 25, 2006

I was so ready for the sucky sucky.

Electric Six @ First Avenue
March 24, 2006

Having been in hibernation (mostly) since early December, I have to say there was no better way to start spring and my return to society with a show by Electric Six. Yes, that certainly woke me up.

I wish I could say a few words about openers, The Fever, but unfortunately I have no opinion of them as I encountered Dick Valentine near the merch booth at the start of their set and it caused me to bounce up and down so intensely that I was rendered temporarily deaf (valen-tinnitus.) It also rendered me temporarily oblivious to the fact that after I gave Mr. Valentine his leave, Scott continued to speak with him for some time. I'm not sure what they talked about but when I went back to grab him Dick said, "She's back. You're Shannon. Is that your husband?" I quickly blurted out "NO! Just a friend! I'm single!"

Later, before the band played "Rock and Roll Evacuation," Valentine announced that he had been talking to a very powerful lobbyist before the show and had asked him if there was any way to stop Bush. Or something like that... Of course, that lobbyist is Scott, and of course Scott didn't even hear it. Isn't that the way it always goes? If anyone finds a recording of last night's show, drop me a line.

The show was fabulous. I can't remember the set list but they opened and closed with "Improper Dancing," squeezing the rest of the show between STOP! and CONTINUE! They played "Future is in the Future" and "I'm the Bomb," which made me happy, but did not play "Synthesizer" or "She's Guatemalan," which made me sad. No surprise, they didn't play "Honolulu." Great surprise, they covered Stevie Nicks's "Stand Back" which I must say never sounded so good.

Lastly, I'd like to extend a big thank you to Tyler Spencer for granting me that photo with Dick Valentine. You made my day. I hope your cold gets better soon. The band's scabies too.

Posted by me at 5:30 PM

Shannon (3(vodka)) + Dick Valentine = Pure glee

My middle name is girl who cried photoshopped wolf. But I SWEAR this one is real:

Thank you Dave, for taking the photo. [more]

And thank you Scott (aka "very powerful lobbyist" ) for stealing my imaginary boyfriend right after this photo was taken.

Posted by me at 2:10 AM

March 24, 2006

Last one, I promise...

12.jpg

hours till Electric Six!

See you all there. Maybe I'll whip up a "Frivolous Six" t-shirt?

Posted by me at 7:31 AM

March 23, 2006

Sweet Jesus!

one.jpg

more day until Electric Six!

Posted by me at 6:13 AM

March 22, 2006

Holy Cow!

two.jpg

days until Electric Six!

Posted by me at 6:06 PM

March 21, 2006

Only...

three.jpg

days until Electric Six.

Posted by me at 5:48 AM

March 15, 2006

Shannon & Marilyn Manson: Down to 3 degrees of separation

I didn't know you could be a rock photographer and still live in Minneapolis. Turns out you can.

http://www.briangarrity.com/

I told him I wanted to marry Dick Valentine, just in case he ever finds himself as Electric Six's photographer. It's all about networking.

Posted by me at 8:52 PM

January 20, 2006

Speaking of Electric Six...

Can you believe my fake album cover did not win the fake album cover contest? I was robbed.

frivolous_six.jpg

Posted by me at 9:51 PM

October 29, 2005

Went In To the Electric Fetus to Buy a Calla Ticket, Left Obsessed with Langhorne Slim

Calla @ 7th Street Entry
Thursday, October 27, 2005

Calla was great. Why there were so few people there I do not know.

More importantly, last Saturday while I was at the Electric Fetus buying my ticket for the Calla show (a preventative measure against last minute decisions to stay home and lay on the couch), I finally bought Langhorne Slim's new CD. I first saw Mr. Slim back in the Spring of 2003 when he opened for the Trachtenburg Family Slide Show Players. I liked him very much but haven't seen him since. My crush on him has been lying dormant for the last 2 1/2 years, but not anymore. I figure Langhorne Slim embodies just about everything I need in a celebrity crush: guitar, old hat, fake name.

slim.jpg

It's been a while, but I do remember that he had a very expressive face. Hopefully he'll come back to Minneapolis soon. While I wait, you can watch a little video (he's at the end about 18:15).

Anyway, the CD is great. Langhorne Slim can call me Mama anytime he likes.

Posted by me at 7:02 PM

October 13, 2005

Dick Valentine

I went to a wedding the other day and though I was not trying to catch the bouquet, it hit me in the face. I guess marriage is now inevitable. I wonder who I'll marry? The ribbon on the bouquet said "You will marry Prince Charming." That doesn't sound like Dick.

Dick Valentine. Dick Valentine. Dick Valentine. Dick Valentine. Dick Valentine.

It's been too long since I've mentioned "the only man I'll ever love for now." I went a little over board trying to tone it down I guess. I need to learn about moderation.

Or maybe love isn't blind after all and I'm having a harder time accepting the reality of Dick's faults than I thought I would? Am I really going to throw in the towel over fish tacos and Rockstar: INXS? I don't know. Probably.

Maybe I just have cold feet?

Posted by me at 4:43 PM

July 28, 2005

Rockstar: INXS

I'm not a big fan of reality TV, but I do like stupid ("America's Next Top Model" and "Project Runway" = wonderful stupid reality TV.) A few weeks ago, I saw an ad for "Rockstar: INXS" and decided it looked too stupid to be funny. But on a recent stalk of electricsix.com I read that DV was looking for someone to watch the show for him while he was in London. I'm not usually one who likes being told what to do, but anything for DV, right? So, I dutifully tuned in.

What a waste of a half hour! I love getting a laugh at another's expense as much as the next person, but this was just embarrassing. I don't think I can even begin to explain the things that were wrong about it. Basically it's American Idol, but with an air of superiority. Which is quite ironic. Michael Hutchence must be rolling in his grave. I mean, did anyone even know who the other members of INXS were? When the only recognizable member of a band dies, does not the band die with him? A professor I work with calls this sort of nonsense "trademark bastardization." I am sort of curious to see how this plays out. Will people who rock accept a reality TV star front person? Will people who pop accept a band of middle aged former rockers? Do people even remember who INXS is?

I think the worst of it was when Brooke Burke said that no one could have seen the double elimination coming. What!? Of course we could see it coming! What else could have been done? This sort of contrived artificial tension is classic reality TV formula. I would have been shocked if they HADN'T eliminated both of them.

On second thought the worst may have been when the drummer and the bassist from INXS "spontaneously" decided to get up and play with the band.

But then again, the worst of it may have been when Dave Navarro pretended to tear up after the elimination.

Or the worst of it could be that depite being totally repulsed by this show, the odds are pretty good that I'll watch it again. Way to go DV. Way to go.

Actually, the worst (or was it the best?) part may have been that later that evening as I pondered aloud, "How could DV have been so wrong? First fish tacos and now this..." my friend replied with sly, "Shannon, I think there are probably A LOT of things Dick Valentine likes that you don't."

Well, probably, but I get the last laugh. (Dick Valentine isn't real. He's a rock star persona created by a guy named Tyler Spencer who I know nothing about. The specifics of DV's personality have been imagined by me to perfectly suit the elaborate fantasy world I have created as a result of either being under-stimulated by my real life or not eating enough vegetables.)

Ha ha ha.

Posted by me at 5:58 PM

July 12, 2005

Finally fell asleep, woke up obsessed with Interpol?

I woke up yesterday with a disturbing Interpol fixation. I suspect this may have something to do with me being too lazy to change CDs in my car all week. I'd better lend that disc to someone else before something terrible happens to me. In my world, inability to change a CD is only a stones throw away from "teenage celebrity crush." That Paul Banks has some cute freckles / moles, but he's no D.V.

Actually he's a little Harry Caray in this photo:

PaulBanks_HarryCaray.jpg

I didn't think I even liked Interpol that much?

Posted by me at 11:46 AM

June 3, 2005

Jack White Weds (formerly) Eyebrowless Model

The media these days...they're such bad fact checkers. The real story here is that his marriage is not in fact a rebound reaction to Renee's marriage to that icky cowboy, but rather to learning that I lied when I said I'd wait for him forever. I guess I meant it at the time, but forever turned out to be too long. And to lose me to Dick Valentine, someone whose album he "didn't" contribute guest vocals to... I feel a little bad; he was obvioulsy devestated.

It doesn't really surprise me that Jack would get married by a Shaman in a canoe on the Amazon. But, part of me hopes it's not true just because I love a good hoax.

I also learned today that the White Stripes will be in town August 26th and 27th. So, do I go to one show or both?

Posted by me at 11:00 AM

May 26, 2005

Tiger Beat!

I think if I did a Google search for a certain (rhymes with Lick Frankenstein) someone's name, I'd be embarrassed to find how many times my bullshit turns up. Not that I'm going to stop, mind you. I'm just going to switch formats. Take this googlebots!

tigerbeat2.jpg

tigerbeat.jpg

Work is slow today.

Posted by me at 11:32 AM

May 21, 2005

Outlook Good

What's the best thing about finally owning my own computer? Is it being able to access OCLC 24/7? Nope. Is it being able to obsessively check my email every five minutes, even on weekends? Nope.

What is it then?

My magic 8-ball widget! Best $2000 I ever spent. Will I be in debt for the rest of my life, I ask it?

"Outlook Good."

Was it dumb of me to lay down the extra hundreds of dollars to get the Powerbook instead of the ibook mainly because the white ibooks in the Apple store looked grimey?

"It is decidedly so."

Will anyone believe me when I tell them it was really because of the better screen resolution and nicer keyboard?

"My sources say no."

Is Dick Valentine day dreaming about me right now?

magic8_ball.jpg

Posted by me at 7:51 PM

May 10, 2005

It's a Mad World

aka "The Gossip Column"

Low has cancelled their summer tour due to health problems. Poor Alan. I want to send him a cupcake or something.

When I'm feeling crazy, which is quite often, I like to think of bizzare, happy things from my past. So today's happy place meditation takes us back to Duluth, the DECC, Spring of 1998. Alan, you were there, come along with me...

A darkened theatre... an Anne Murray concert... a dozen old ladies, some with walkers, "rushing" the stage as Anne tosses dethorned, yellow roses at the crowd....

We were both working at the DECC that night. He may not remember me, but hopefully he remembers Anne and she puts a smile on his face. I've probably been to a dozen of his shows since then but never said hi. Now I feel bad. Damn my introversion. Forty or fifty years from now I hope my walker and I will be rushing the stage at a Low show.

I also like to think of when my cat lost her bowels in the hallway late one night and my roommate's boyfriend slipped in it. He must have been moving at quite a clip.... He was sooooo mad, but it was soooo funny. I don't know that this meditation would be of much help to Alan, but potty humor is universally funny, right?

In even stranger news, Renee Zellwegger just ran off and married Kenny Chesney. I shouldn't judge, but ick. I guess this could be my chance to catch Jack on the rebound, but I'm so smitten with Dick Valentine I don't think I'll bother. I'm sure our strange encounter the other day still has him puzzeled. I'm in his subconcious. I grow on people. Come back soon!

Posted by me at 11:42 AM

May 4, 2005

Dick Valentine turns me into a thirteen-year-old girl

Electric Six w/ VHS or Beta, April 28th, 2005 @ First Avenue

Last Thursday, during openers VHS or Beta, who sounded like what would happen if Robert Smith from the Cure had joined Flock of Seagulls or Duran Duran in the 80s, I was informed that Tyler Spencer, aka Dick Valentine, from Electric Six was at the upstairs bar. Would this be my moment of truth? The big pay off to my yearlong "teenage celebrity crush?" Would Dick Valentine and I finally be together forever? Nope. I choked. I got up to the bar and kept right on walking. After taking a few more sips of my drink I turned around for a second try but I got back to the bar just in time to see him run off.

Despite my pathetic failure to convince Mr. Spencer to marry me, Electric Six was still very good. They didn't seem quite as enthusiastic as during previous shows I've seen, but it was still a lot of fun. Normally, I'm quite happy to stand at the back of the crowd and watch, but every once in a while I'm taken over and have no choice but to rush the stage. Perhaps Valentine's calisthenics are infectious: Electric Six holds the dubious honor of being the only band to ever get me airborne.

After the show, while I was walking off the cramp I got in my foot during "Dance Commander," Dick Valentine was spotted lingering near the side of the stage. After a quick pep talk from my friends (I was physically dragged) I found myself suddenly face-to-face with "the only man I?ll ever love for now" I bravely thrust my hand forward, said "hi," and then froze in utter terror. Valentine, who wasn't nearly as tall as I thought he was, shook my hand and asked me if I was doing ok. I stared. He looked at my friend and asked if we were having a good night. I stared. After an unbearably long silence, my friend blurted out, "Her name is Shannon and she's in love with you." I whispered "thanks!" and ran away giggling like a thirteen year old girl. Yes, I'm just that smooth. It's just as well, there wouldn't have been room for me in their van anyway. Plus I've heard Valentine mention fish tacos twice now. I don't know if I can really love a man who likes fish tacos. Heroin, maybe. Fish tacos? Yuk.

I swear I'm going to quit with this nonsense soon. Those nearest and dearest to me don?t think I will, but I don't know that this "youthful folly" of my twenties will be as endearing when I'm in my thirties, so I'm going to try my best. But for now, I've got 7 months left to make an ass out of myself. So, here's a picture of my hand the night it touched Dick Valentine.

hand.jpg

And I have absolutely washed it. Rock stars are dirty.

Posted by me at 8:50 AM

March 23, 2005

Electric Six

In other news, according to their Web site, Electric Six will be playing First Avenue on April 28th. That's 36 days.

Another interesting thing found on the Electric Six Web site was a link to Catster. I was immediately ammused and put up profiles for Mr. Jones and Bailey straight away. I was slightly horrified however when this morning I checked my email and found four friend requests for my cats. That's kind of sad. I always imagined myself turning into the "crazy cat lady" but now I am beginning to see how far off I really am.

Posted by me at 8:52 AM

February 14, 2005

Black Monday

Happy Valentine, Dick.

Why is your new album out only in the UK? Perhaps I will spend the night celebrating being alone with the last of my single friends, PJ, at the Kitty Kat Club? It's Lonesome Dan night tonight. How lucky is that?

Posted by me at 4:10 PM

December 28, 2004

NX & Chocolate Covered Almonds of Death

Chuck Klosterman wrote in his pop culture manifesto, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, that women born between 1965 and 1978 will never be satisfied in a relationship because they are all in love with Lloyd Dobbler (John Cusak in Say Anything.) I can't say it's true for me, but I can sympathize. I have been in love with "Chris in the Morning" from "Northern Exposure" since the early nineties. Just when you think you are over it, the series is released (or the first two seasons at least) on DVD and the butterflies are there all over again. At least my more recent celebrity crushes have been on actual people. John Corbet has no power over me via any other medium than Chris Stevens. How does one fall for a TV character?

Speaking of cocoa... Christmas lesson learned the hard way: In this new crazy low-carb world we can no longer just assume candy is regular bad for us. There is now even worse, unholy, unnatural bad for us. Read the candy label, if it reads "Excessive consumption my have laxative effect" you should leave it at the store.

Posted by me at 10:52 AM

October 12, 2004

Rock and Roll Fantasy Prom

When I have too much time on my hands I throw little parties in my head for me and all my fabulous friends. There was a photographer at the last party:

Rock and Roll Fantasy Prom

Posted by me at 2:12 PM

July 1, 2004

Prom

So last weekend was prom. It was a lot of fun and the decorations were perfection. Especially the mirror ball. I've got a few pictures for you...

Dick was a dream date! Here we are at Block E engaging in a little tomfoolery after our pre-prom feast at the Hard Rock Cafe.
s_d_prom.jpg

And here is a close up of my hair, it felt a lot bigger than it looks:
shannon3.jpg

The rest of the photos can be found over here at my slideshow.

Posted by me at 4:08 PM

May 19, 2004

The Stars are Shining

A few years ago I noticed that I had only dated Tauruses. Now, normally I don't put much faith in astrology, but I thought it was kind of wierd, so I looked it up. Turns out that I (Sagittarius) and Tauruses are very incompatible. Since then I've dated a Leo and a Sagittarius, both of which I am compatible with, and both of which went as bad, or worse than my relationships with Tauruses. Perhaps this is just due to my "dislike of being tied down domestically."

The good news (?) for Dick Valentine and I is that we are very astrologically compatible. The stars think we are perfect for each other, and I don't think I'm just being a "blindly optomistic" Sag here. Check it out:

"The combination usually has a great chance for success. Both temperament are very much alike. This is a purely social combination that will revel in a large group of friends and public-spirited associates. Sagittarius readily understands the moods and peculiarities of the Aquarius, and will make the necessary allowances, the sagittarian appreciates and expects the same from the Aquarius. Both love change, travel, and excitement, so this should work out very good.

"There is a very good chance for a successful relationship. Many of your values are alike and your need to be outgoing and sociable is inherent in both of you. You both understand the need to let the other be when they need their freedom. "

While there is no doubt in my mind that Dick and I will live happily ever-after, I guess I'm still a little skeptical about astrology. Here are a few things the stars got wrong about me:

*Sagittarians are often religious
*They may revenge themselves upon the opposite sex by becoming cynically promiscuous (maybe the camel's back just hasn't broke yet? Look out boys!)
*They are said to make good sports coaches, but their tastes in this direction may lead them into imprudent gambling
*Sagittarians risk becoming playboys, wasting their lives away in frivolous pursuits (No way, my love for Dick Valentine is the real thing)
*Dislikes off the wall theories (especially those about drumming robots)

And the things they got right:
*They have both profound and widely ranging minds, equipped with foresight and good judgement, and they can be witty conversationalists (though this is often mistaken for mental illness)
*they find it difficult to express affection and may run the risk of being thought frigid
*They are strong-willed and good at organizing (I do love to organize, and it gives me something to do while I'm at home alone being frigid)
*Honest and straightforward, yet tactless and restless

So there we are?

Posted by me at 9:06 AM

May 11, 2004

Future with Richard thwarted?

The May 22nd Electric Six show has vanished off the e6 tour roster. Those twits down at Carleton have ruined my life. I'll have to come into money so that I can go to the UK shows instead.

Maybe Dick will still take me to the prom? I was going to ask him in person, but now will have to do it via my blog. Don't worry, I have a "backup" date all lined up already just in case it doesn't work out.

Posted by me at 12:26 PM

April 28, 2004

Mystery Solved?

Maybe this whole Donnie Darko thing was just a premonition? As it turns out the movie is being re-released to theatres
http://www.cnn.com/2004/SHOWBIZ/Movies/04/21/film.darko.reut/index.html

Speaking of premonitions. Last night I went bowling at the BLB and jokingly said "I'd like to dedicate this next frame to my love for Dick Valentine." I got a strike. It should be mentioned that I am not the world's best bowler, so this can only be seen as a sign that I made the right choice when I left Jack for Dick.

I gazed into that bowling ball last night and I saw my future.

Posted by me at 9:56 AM

April 25, 2004

Pigs have flown

Who thought the day would ever come when I'd be forced to admit that I've fallen out of love with Jack White? Yes, it's true. It happened last night when I fell in love with Dick Valentine.

I think this has been coming on for a while, but... I don't know how I'm going to break the news to Jack. I still have nothing but respect for him, but he can be awfully serious and moody. I think that Dick can give me all the things my relationship with Jack was lacking, like a smart ass sense of humor and cheesy rock posturing. My one point of concern is that my modesty and Dick's name are going to clash. For now, I think maybe I'll just refer to him as Mr.Valentine. Or possibly "Richard."

Sadly, I did not run away with the band. I think I must have interpretted Donnie Darko's warning incorrectly, because I have nothing but regret for the restraint I exhibited last night. I think KB was right about its intentions for me being purely commercial.

Oh well. I can make up for it in Northfield next month.

Posted by me at 9:48 AM