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September 28, 2008

unibomber pt 1

I made the hideous mistake of going to Target on a Saturday night. I parked on the passenger side of a car that had also just pulled into the lot, and glanced over to the driver. He was cutting his own hair with a giant pair of shears and gave me an angry 'I dare you to judge me' look. I quickly took my cue and went into the store. Freshly shorn, the man was about 10 paces behind me, and would occasionally stop and pick up a pair of socks, or a shirt hanging on a rack, to wipe sweat off of his neck and face.

He meandered behind me until I was at the back of the store, where I found a haven looking at violent-enough-looking metal rakes. When I rounded a corner, I was hit by a cart pushed by a woman wearing a police officer uniform proudly stating she was from Traffic Control. Once the sweaty man left, and I recovered from my collision, I went back to the card section and stood next to an old asian woman repeatedly opening and closing the same musical greeting card that told us to CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES.

September 26, 2008

today's lesson, hard learned

What I learned today at school:

Do not use plastic cups to get hot water from the water cooler.

How I learned it:

By attempting this feat, and watching the cup sides shrink together while hot water spilled all over me + front desk. Sound effects resembling "eeeeeeeeeeeeee, hottttt!!"

in other news, John McCain suddenly remembered that he's running for president and decided to attend tonight's debate. all eyes on Mississippi tonight.

September 22, 2008

orange leaves!

I came out to my parents this weekend-- "Mom, Dad.... I'm a Democrat." I don't think they were too surprised. My recent activities, among them associating myself with US politically liberal gods and enrolling in a brainwashingly liberal program at school, would lead anyone to believe I had progressed beyond conservative repair. Luckily my dad was calm and understanding, and my mom sympathetic.

Since, I have returned back to town to resume entertaining myself by driving over the newly opened bridge. And counting how many women get their heels stuck in the ridges on the city bus floor as they try to get out the doors (4 this morning).

Yesterday I could hardly contain my excitement at the sight of brightly colored leaves, so I gathered an armful of red and orange and yellow and hauled them into my apartment. They immediately crumbled into pieces and confettied across my floor. Cleaning that up will potentially take all winter.

September 19, 2008

at least its friday...

In my perpetually hopeless attempt to wear white shirts, I put my chocolate smoothie in a water bottle with a 'spill proof' sippy straw. I put my backpack on (how 'young professional' of me!) and left. No more than 15 feet later, I was trying to clear one of the blended ice pieces from the straw (by blowing bubbles into an otherwise airtight bottle......) and of course exploded chocolate all over myself. The biker that simultaneously passed me at least gave me a conciliatory, "awww. At least it's Friday" as he nearly knocked me over.

Luckily I knew this would happen, and packed a scarf.

Also, I discovered last night that, nearly a month into school, I have no idea where the library is. I accidentally ended up in a dungeon of government and business papers while hunting a cheerful novel for the weekend. Richter antics would clearly not be appreciated there..... I will have to go in search of a library more conducive to my lifestyle.

September 16, 2008

new history

In an attempt to prepare myself for the mythical real world, I did what every "young professional" (I feel uncomfortable that I keep getting called this) is forced to do. I reminisced on a facebook slideshow of all the pictures that I could no longer be associated with. Part of me wanted to stomp my feet and pout about how its so unfair that an employer doesn't want to hire the me that delighted in the empty liquor bottle I held above my head, and even less the me that dressed in shocking collections of fur prints and wore a stuffed moose on my head in public. If I were a shrewd marketer, I would be able to show that in fact overcoming my facebook past makes me an even more remarkable candidate. I'm now legal anyways; my statute of limitations is surely up.

Truly, I'm not upset at all. Clearly no one should be subjected to these horrifying pictures and, alas, I have freed myself of them.

The real question of today is why people voluntarily take in, and decide to love, mean and ugly dogs? I pity those that inherit these creatures through either human or dog lineage, but I question and judge the others. And I don't intend this as a purely superficial comment-- dogs are different from humans, and their domesticated purpose is to cheer you up and make cute faces. It validates the fact that all your socks are chewed up. But what is the purpose of a dog with an ugly personality?

September 15, 2008

full of possibilites

As my wisest friend said, upon hearing the announcement of the birth of my new blog, "What are you going to name it?" The short question drilled into the soul of all my worries and fears of the responsibility of being a new blogger: What if I doom it from the start with an ill-chosen name? How can I express to the world the unique being of this blog, without narrowing and constraining it?

So here we sit-- at the inaugural moment of this new blog-- with so many possibilities in reach. I couldn't be more thrilled to share my dailies with you; hopefully my sightings and commentary will remain interesting enough to sustain your attention.

Also-- this template is called "Bamboo Dream"......... it was either that or "Frankenblog." Though it's slightly ambiguous, if not hallucinogenically concerning, I kind of like it. But, constructive comments are always appreciated.