Alumni Book Review: Women: Are your "nice girl" habits holding back your career?
A book review by U of MN Alum Stacy Lynn Bettison (U of MN 99)
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Are you sabotaging your career by being too nice? Have you considered that the way you act, think, sound, look, respond and market yourself are critical to not only landing the right (and best) job, but also to advancing your career?
Several years ago I discovered a fabulous book by Lois P. Frankel, PhD that made me realize that I had developed a few habits that weren’t serving me well. Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers is a must-read for any professional woman, at any stage of her professional career. The book is particularly helpful to young lawyers who often establish their credibility not only in the typical setting of strategy meetings with colleagues and clients, but also in the world of office politics (where your credibility is just as important).
In a very readable format, Frankel sets out 101 mistakes women make and offers coaching tips on how to change the unproductive behaviors.
For example, the long-winded voicemail – ever leave one of those? According to Frankel, rambling voicemails undermine the effectiveness of the message and make the caller look indecisive. After reading her admonition against trailing voicemails, I immediately implemented her best practices. To this day, on any particular call where I sense that I may be susceptible to leave a rambling voicemail, I simply jot down the key points I need to make so that my message is pithy.
Another mistake is the limp handshake – ever offer one of these? I have received limp handshakes from my male counterparts, so I don’t think this problem is peculiar to women. Nevertheless, we women need to offer a strong handshake to everyone we encounter. A strong handshake sends a message of confidence, control and competence.
One final example: qualifying what we say. Frankel says that women “calm their fears about being too direct, opinionated, or committed� by using qualifiers such as “It’s kind of like . . .�, “We sort of did . . .�, “Perhaps we should . . .�, etc. Qualifiers weaken the message, and who wants to send a weak message? Instead, she suggests that opinions be spoken directly, “in clear, certain terms.� And, if taglines are really necessary, Frankel suggests effective ways for using them without invalidating the message.
To a certain extent, we all have mannerisms or habits that probably don’t serve us well in all aspects of our careers. But we women, even with our whip-smart intellects, our many accolades, and our winning personalities, may have been conditioned at some time or another (our girlhood, according to Frankel) to behave in ways that diminish our potential. With Frankel’s keen observations and coaching tips, however, unproductive tendencies can be easily transformed into effective habits that establish instant credibility and help get you closer to that corner office.
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Stacy Lynn Bettison (U of MN 99) is now Communications Counsel with Rotenberg Associates LLC, a communications firm that provides clients and their attorneys with sophisticated communication strategies for their critical issues and during times of crisis. She has served as President of the University of Minnesota Law Alumni Board of Directors.