The Self-Discovery Digest

We all know something about fairy tales. Most of us grew up with them. We read them to our children and grandchildren, and we may even have a favorite that we enjoy over and over. Fairy tales present epic struggles: characters matching wits with ogres, narrowly escaping from enchantments, and enduring great hardships in pursuit of a goal. The ideas contained in fairy tales can help us on our journey of self-discovery.

The magic wand
Many fairy tales feature characters who are given the chance to make dramatic changes in their lives with the help of a magical object, like a wand. If you think about your own life, is there something that you would happily change if you could wave a magic wand? Who, in real life, might offer you support or resources to help facilitate this transformation? What sort of environment could serve as your magic wand and help you create the changes you've been dreaming of?

The wise fool
Other fairy tales show naïve characters triumphing over their seemingly more clever rivals. These "clueless" folks end up doing well because they don't make any assumptions about what is the correct or smartest approach. If you think about your own life, is there some area where your assumptions about what is best are preventing you from finding a workable solution? Who, in real life, has no preconceptions about your situation and could help you uncover a new path to success? What sort of environment might help you unblock your creativity?

The frog prince
Another common fairy tale theme centers on characters who are not what they seem, like a prince who appears in the guise of a frog and must wait for someone to love him as he is for the spell to be broken. If you think about your own life, is there some aspect of yourself that is just waiting for the proper love and acceptance - either from self or others - to be activated? Who, in real life, has a way of seeing your true self and could assist you in developing that authentic identity? What sort of environment might help you to see the courage, beauty or talent latent within you?

Part of self-discovery is finding the stories that give you inspiration and letting go of those that bring you down. What stories are you telling yourself? Are they helping you to live more fully? Any story, positive or negative, personally derived or assigned to you by others, can become a straightjacket if it no longer enables your growth.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 18
One of the best ways to bring about (and then maintain) a happily ever after is to visualize it occurring. What can you do to keep the idea that things will turn out for the best firmly in your mind? Share your dreams with friends, family and colleagues so that they can actively help you make them come true. Make your own story. And as you do, remember that like all good tales, there will be ups and downs but the hero (that's you) always prevails in the end!

Posted by learninglife at 6:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In our home state of Minnesota the days are getting shorter, the air is getting colder, and the leaves are turning color and falling away. Autumn is a time of letting go and also a time of harvest, of gathering up the results of winter's rest, spring's planting, and summer's warmth. And what better symbol of this than the pumpkin? The procedure for cultivating pumpkins includes allowing the pumpkin vine to die once the fruit has been picked. The vine has served its purpose and accomplished its goal. After all, the whole purpose of growing a pumpkin plant is to reap and enjoy the pumpkin that it produces and therefore we don't mourn the vine from which the fruit came.

This seems natural in the case of the pumpkin, yet we often don't see our own growth in the same way. Instead of ruminating on the past, fixating on the difficulties endured, and agonizing over mistakes made, we can choose to celebrate what we've achieved and how far we've come. In other words, we can stop obsessing about what happened to the vine - it is merely a means to an end - and instead rejoice in the beautiful pumpkin that has been created from our growth.

Examples of focusing on the vine instead the pumpkin:
You are divorced but instead of making the most of your new life, you are nursing old hurts.

You lost weight and got in better shape but instead of enjoying your new figure, you still see yourself as frumpy and dowdy.

You grew out of a self-destructive pattern but instead of recognizing your achievement, you keep beating yourself up for what you did when you were stuck and didn't know better.

You worked your way out of bankruptcy but instead of feeling relieved, you are crippled by equating your self-worth with your financial status.

Examples of seeing the pumpkin for the gift that it is:
You pride yourself on deciding to be single rather than being in a destructive and painful relationship.

You acknowledge the result of your healthy lifestyle changes by walking tall and dressing to celebrate your new shape and attitude.

You reach out to others who are locked in their own personal struggles knowing you have wisdom to share and understanding to give.

You refuse to be seduced by our culture's emphasis on materialism and instead choose to value yourself and others by qualities such as courage, perseverance, and kindness.

Don't be confused about what really matters. Recognize and profit from the fruits of your labors. Love how far you've come but then let the past go so you can embrace and enjoy where you are now.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 17
You have triumphed over adversity in some large or small way. Are you recognizing these accomplishments of yours and living the truth of where you are now? If not, in what ways can reframe your personal journey so that you truly honor your positive changes? Choose to live wholeheartedly in the reality you have created - make the pumpkin your focus, not the vine!

Posted by learninglife at 7:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Self-discovery can be fun, rewarding, and challenging. It motivates us to learn and grow and comes down to the environments we create - internal (our attitudes, values, and feelings) and external (what we do as well as the people and things with which we surround ourselves). Use the self-discovery alphabet below to help fashion the best internal and external environments possible for your development.

Self-Discovery A-B-Cs

Paying Attention to where you are, literally and figuratively

Being yourself as often as possible

Celebrating what's great about yourself

Daring to try new things

Recognizing which activities are Energizing and doing more of them

Feeling your feelings, even if they are a little uncomfortable

Expressing Gratitude for all that's good in your life

Healing yourself by seeking people and situations that nourish you

Using your Imagination to envision changes you'd like to make

Experiencing Joy - embracing laughter wherever you find it

Showing Kindness to yourself and others

Listening to what your inner voice is telling you

Being in the Moment and enjoying its gifts

Acting Now rather than waiting for the "perfect" time

Staying Open, the best discoveries may come out of left field

Being Patient with slip-ups and missteps

Rewarding yourself for attempts made

Sharing your dreams with those that matter

Looking at the Truth even if it's a little scary

Making peace with the Unknown by choosing optimism over negativity

Celebrating personal Victories no matter how small

Seeing Wisdom, not perfection, as the ultimate goal

Putting out into the world the X-Factor that only you have and can contribute

You - taking care of yourself is the only way you can be well enough to care for others

Zeroing in on what is meaningful to you no matter how others would value it

Incorporate the A-B-Cs into your internal and external landscapes. Simply summed up, it just plain feels good to establish healthy environments loving to the self and others.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 16
How can an examination of the self-discovery alphabet enrich your life? Try this two-step process. First ask yourself what things on the list you are already doing. Now congratulate yourself on your accomplishments and celebrate by making time to do something fun, such as seeing a friend, engaging in a favorite activity, or simply allowing yourself a moment to relax and do nothing. Second ask yourself what things you have yet to try or could consider. Commit to doing something that might be a stretch for you knowing that the real success is in the attempt, not in doing it "correctly". Smile, now you have a reason to do Step 1 (the celebrating part) all over again. Keep the circle going and your self-discovery growing!

Posted by learninglife at 8:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's September, back-to-school time here in Minnesota. Children are returning to school, college co-eds are returning to classes or leaving home for the first time, and many of us, regardless of whether or not we are formally enrolled, are feeling a sense of anticipation as if we too were about to embark upon a learning journey.

As most of us were students for a good portion of our early lives, the pattern of starting up again is deeply ingrained and often reminds us that we need to get going, get on with our lives, and start making those changes that the summer's lazy days made us set aside and forget. Like a student at the start of a new school year, open yourself to new experiences, different points of view, and trying things you have not tried before.

How can we capitalize on this back-to-school energy and practice the value of teaching and learning? Here are some simple ways:

• Think about the teachers and elders who have shaped you, make an effort to reconnect and thank them or, if that isn't possible, devise ways you can better emulate the good lessons they taught.

• Take the time to share knowledge with someone who could benefit from your experience. Be patient with questions, remembering that once you were a novice too.

• Seek opinions from new sources and then listen carefully to the perspective that is shared. You don't have to agree with it, simply let it better inform your own thinking.

• At work, with family, or when getting together with a friends, make space for everyone to be involved in the decision making. This might mean taking a back set if you normally lead, or challenging yourself to step in if you typically let others take charge.

• If you are facing a difficult issue, reflect on times past when you felt overwhelmed by a problem but prevailed. Think about what you learned from those experiences and remind yourself you can prevail again.

• Allow yourself a little vulnerability. Admit that you don't know how to do something and let others teach you what they know.

• Contribute more formally to the learning of others by offering your intellectual resources as a school, library, community center, or adult literacy program volunteer.

• Broaden your knowledge base by attending a lecture, enrolling in a course, downloading a free learning module, or being part of an online learning community.

Regardless of our age or station in life, we can always benefit from teaching and learning.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 15
Tapping into the back-to-school spirit, what knowledge or experience can you offer others and what learning experience could you try out that could enrich your life? Using the list provided as your starting point, commit to trying one thing that honors the student and teacher inside of you. Increase the intellectual vibrancy of your world - share your wisdom and let others share theirs with you!

Posted by learninglife at 7:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Summer is almost over here in Minnesota. The weather is hot, school will be in session again soon, and leisure activities beckon. There is a sense of urgency about getting outdoors and enjoying ourselves - hopping on our bikes, enjoying a day at a lake or pool, playing a round of golf, or just hanging out in our backyards barbecuing in the company of friends and neighbors. Before we know it we'll be back in the icy grip of winter.

With this in mind, don't let the rest of August slip by without having some good old-fashioned fun in the sun. Here are some ideas to end your summer on a high note:

• Go for a walk, ride a bike, go for a swim, frolic in the sprinkler, play sports just for the pleasure of playing.

• Picnic, fire up the grill, have coffee or drinks on the patio.

• Have an ice cream treat.

• Eat and savor seasonal fruits and vegetables.

• Work in or visit a garden, delight in the colors and the smells when they are at their zenith.

• Attend an outdoor concert, county fair, festival.

• Read a good book, catch up on magazines.

• Take time off and travel somewhere or simply relax at home.

• Make the most of the longer days and find time to visit with family and friends.

Don't put off what's enjoyable as though it weren't important. Often the belief that we can "always do it later" stops us from doing it at all. The high temperatures won't last but the happy memories of time well spent will live on and warm us in the cold months to come.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 14
What have you been longing to do but never managed to fit in over the summer? Have you been fooling yourself that you'll get to it eventually? Commit to doing a warm weather activity that makes you smile before September arrives. Make the remaining summer days richer and more fulfilling by finding simple ways to celebrate the best of the season!

Posted by learninglife at 9:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On May 25, 1961, before a joint session of the US Congress, John F. Kennedy shared his goal of putting a man on the moon before the end of the decade. This week marks the 40th anniversary of the fulfillment of that vision: the Apollo 11 moon landing. Looking back at this historic event we are inspired by the notion that each of us has the opportunity to make a life enhancing giant leap if we can find the courage for that first small step.

Steps to get started:

1. Articulate a clear and energizing personal mission. You don't need to frame this in presidential, competitive terms as happened in the US-Soviet Space Race, but you do need to have a concrete idea of what your goal is and why it will feel wonderful to achieve it. Don't worry about being fancy. Craft your vision as truthfully and plainly as possible. As you imagine your goal, don't be ashamed to start simply: small steps added together become giant leaps.

Example: I will exercise.

2. Establish a realistic but ambitious timeline. You may not want to announce your plans to the whole world as Kennedy did, however deadlines help us to move from contemplation to action. Sharing your ideas with at least one other person as well as writing your plans down helps you make your mission more real and build in accountability.

Example: I will exercise two days this week. At the end of this week I will re-commit to this goal and consider adding an extra day. At the end of the second week, I will do the same. Eventually, I plan to exercise seven days a week.

3. Ask for help and collaborate. While what people remember is the moon walk (which lasted only a matter of hours), it was only through the commitment of thousands of people working together as well as years of preparation that this challenging objective became a reality. But years and thousands of people aren't necessary - a moment, a day, a few weeks, and your friends, family, and colleagues are more than enough to make things happen.

Example: I will ask my friend, who also wants to start exercising, to exercise with me. I will ask my spouse to encourage me to stick to my plan. I will ask my colleague to take a walking lunch break with me.

4. Believe in yourself and celebrate what's terrific about you. In the final seconds of the approach, Neil Armstrong had to take manual control of the Eagle Lander and steer the craft around boulders to safely reach the moon's surface. You need not take such dramatic action, but an appreciation of your strengths will give you the confidence to handle the roadblocks that do arise. As you go forward, remember that obstacles are really signs that you are making progress - so take heart and keep moving.

Example: I can grow and develop and I like making healthy changes. I have made positive changes in the past and I can do it again. I have a great sense of humor and when I feel my motivation dropping, I will choose to find the humor in the challenge.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 13
Use the ideas and examples above to create the components of your personal mission. Take a small step to bravely launch your dreams. Enlist support to help you overcome challenges and sustain your resolve. Recognize your worthiness and enjoy yourself as you forge ahead!

Posted by learninglife at 8:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the United States, we celebrate the 4th of July as Independence Day. This holiday is very dear to us Americans because it is an enduring symbol of our ideals and a time to re-commit to living them - but you do not need to be a U.S. citizen to appreciate these sentiments. The Declaration of Independence states, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all [people] are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Such an important mandate - why not apply it to our personal lives?

Consider the questions below then create your very own Declaration of Independence.

• What are your personal truths?
• How do you define liberty and a life worth living?
• Are there people or things that are affecting your sense of freedom or your pursuit of happiness - either positively or negatively?
• Can you find the courage to take a stand for what matters to you even if this is unpopular with certain significant people or institutions in your life?

Fill in the blanks to craft your Declaration of Independence.

I hold these truths to be self-evident (choose three):
________________________________________________.

I define happiness with these qualities (choose three):
________________________________________________.

I create happiness in my life with these people and activities (choose three):
________________________________________________.

I recommit to cultivating my sense of liberty and happiness in these ways (choose three):
________________________________________________.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 12
Celebrate what's special about your contribution to the world by living your own unique version of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Embrace your personal recipe for freedom and joy by seeking out a least one person or thing by July 4th that brings you a smile and makes you feel good about being alive!

Posted by learninglife at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

How can you make the most of your self-discovery journey? What resources can help you to stay motivated in these tough times? We think that the Web sites below are worth a look because they capture important ideas that can help nourish the spirit. Have fun exploring them and finding ones of your own – we did!

TED: Ideas Worth Spreading
Head to TED for talks on an amazing range of topics that listeners have classified as “persuasive, courageous, ingenious, fascinating, inspiring, beautiful, funny and informative.” Challenging, honest, and engaging, these talks provide models of being comfortable being yourself (e.g., “Aimee Mullins and her 12 pairs of legs”).

Teaching the World to Focus on the Good: Articles and Publications
For ideas on deepening your self-discovery process, take a look at these articles by the author of Happier, Tal Ben Shahar, on topics ranging from making and keeping our commitments – “Integrity, words, and self” – to being in touch with all of our emotions – “Permission to Feel.”

Laughter is the Best Medicine: The Health Benefits of Humor
Since we all need reminders to see the lighter side of life, check out this page on the benefits of humor with suggestions on how to bring more of laughter into your life, how to take yourself less seriously and how humor can help you deal with life’s problems more creatively.

American Heart Association
Getting and staying healthy is so important. This site is packed with factual, easy to understand tips on doing just that, not only for those with cardiovascular related problems, but for caregivers, and for anyone who wants to live healthier. From fact sheets, health quizzes, and tools for caregivers of all kinds – including a list of Caregiver Rights, this site will enable you to take better care yourself and those you love.

Religion & Ethics Newsweekly
How do we make a positive difference in the world and how do we recognize what is right and what is wrong for us? The stories and interviews on this site focus on exactly these questions and challenge us to reflect on our beliefs as well as inspire us to be better people.

NASA News Topics: Solar System
This site is chock full of stunning photographs and fascinating information about our planet, solar system, and universe. Viewing things from a larger perspective can help us see our existence in a new light and reminds us that our home and place in the universe is so much more amazing and beautiful than we realize on a day-to-day basis.

We hope that these selections help you maintain your momentum as you navigate your own path of self-discovery and that the information they provide encourages you to try out new approaches in order to give your life renewed purpose.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 11
Where do you turn when you need a lift? What makes you smile and feel grateful to be alive? Commit to seeking out a least one person or resource this week that enriches and enlivens your perspective as well as gives you a greater sense of happiness.

Posted by learninglife at 8:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We typically associate travel with leaving home, spending money, and doing a great deal of planning. Travel is something most of us enjoy but tend to engage in less often than we’d like because of the real or perceived effort involved. Yet travel can be more accessible to us and simpler to arrange than we might imagine. We would like to redefine the notion of travel and suggest that meaningful journeys can take many forms – including those that can take place in your living room, cost no money, and do not require an itinerary. After all, isn’t travel really about experiencing new vantage points, trying out new behaviors, and discovering new parts of yourself as well as the world?

Here are a few easy ways to incorporate the essence of travel into your life:

• Take a new route home even if it takes a little longer.

• Sit at a different place at the dinner table, sleep on a different side of the bed, read in a different chair.

• Re-arrange your furniture or living space.

• Get some fresh air: take advantage of a local green space, picnic in the park, go on a garden tour.

• Meet your friends and family in a new spot: skip the usual places.

• Try a restaurant or cook a cuisine that seems exotic to you.

• Visit a local attraction that you had previously disdained as “only for tourists.”

• Attend a worship service different than your own.

• See a movie with subtitles, or attend a cultural event new to you.

• Search the Internet and travel books for stories, photos, and maps of intriguing parts of the world.

Travel means exploring unknown territory and taking paths not taken before, therefore it may feel a bit awkward at first. Bear with it – just as when in a foreign country you may feel challenged by the unfamiliar, you will need to be patient with the process and give yourself the time and space to be a novice. Approached with this spirit, your little journeys can offer you new opportunities for renewed energy, greater self-awareness, and FUN!

Self-Discovery Tool Number 9
Are there simple journeys you can take to enrich and enliven your day-to-day existence? How might you increase your zest for life by taking a new trip, whether all the way to the next county or simply to a part of your neighborhood that you don’t typically frequent? Embrace the true essence of travel – make the choice to get to know yourself and your world anew by doing something out of the ordinary!

Posted by learninglife at 4:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The arrival of spring offers plentiful examples of growth and renewal. To take advantage of this energy, we need to focus not only on cultivating new ways of being and doing, but also on pruning away what may no longer be nourishing. Take a look at your habits and patterns and consider trimming those that have the potential to stunt your growth.

Releasing outdated ways of living can make you feel like you’re fighting through a thicket of dead wood. However, until you separate what is healthy from what is sapping your strength, you will find that your efforts produce only a meager harvest. Eliminating ideas, things, relationships, etc. that are no longer useful gives you the energy and room to focus on those things that are sustaining, joyful, and truly important.

Here are few ideas for taking stock of what to tend carefully and what to toss onto the compost pile:

• When spending time with a significant other (from work, family, etc) or doing a typical activity, does this fill you with joy?

• If someone asked you to recommend this person or activity, would you be able to do so?

• When you spend time and effort on this person or activity, do you feel energized?

• Are you eager for the next time you will see this person or engage in this activity?

• Is your commitment to this person or activity something you are looking to expand and deepen?

If you can’t truthfully answer yes to the above questions, you may want to limit the time you spend with that person or taking part in that activity. Begin to weed out relationships, tasks and commitments that are no longer constructive to make room for those things you want to see grow and expand. Further, consider what things you want to introduce into your “garden” for the first time. Give yourself permission to feel hopeful about these new developments. Make the extra daylight hours count by creating space in your life for fresh growth.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 9
Examine the people and activities that fill your life – which of these deserve a bit of extra attention and which might be best set aside? Choose one person or activity that you want to decrease your involvement. Choose one person or activity that you want to increase your involvement. Make a commitment to enact these changes and have your best spring yet!

Posted by learninglife at 7:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Are you sometimes worried about where your life is headed – as though walking in unfamiliar territory without a map? At times do you feel confused about what is really important? We would love to be able to reassure you – and ourselves – that there is some profound, definitive answer or series of steps that can guarantee a sense of security and a life well lived. Unfortunately, life provides no sure bets and no ironclad directions. There is something within us, however, something we often overlook, that can be a compass for navigating our life journey. That compass is our values.

In order to tap into the power and guidance of this compass, you need to identify what matters most to you, what your personal values are, distinct from those that your culture suggests you should hold. This can be challenging for we are bombarded daily with messages exhorting us to place value on, and measure ourselves, in terms of things like:

• Money
• Material Success
• Good looks
• Flat Abs
• Knowing the “right people”
• Having a well-appointed home and a luxury car

But if you look within and listen to your heart of hearts, you can identify what you really care about. With this awareness you can use your personal values as a compass to orient your passage through life. Individual values are more likely to be things such as:

• Integrity
• Kindness
• Generosity
• Loyalty
• Resilience
• Curiosity

Some of us – maybe even you – might be lucky enough to have money, physical beauty, connections, etc. Yet every single one of us can have the good fortune of self-respect if we follow our compass. Don’t get lost in the dead-end pursuit of what doesn’t truly matter (and perhaps is not even attainable). Use these lists as a starting point to help you define for yourself what you sincerely value as well as what you do not. Get the direction, reinforcement, and assurance that only your personal compass can provide.

Self-Discovery Tool Number 8
Make a list of your values – what direction does your own compass point? Is your time and effort spent wisely in support of your values or are you too focused on values that come from others? How might your life improve if you followed your personal compass more often?

Posted by learninglife at 5:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It is healing to know that we are not alone – that others have gone before us, facing difficulties and experiencing joys that reflect to our experience as human beings. During this time of change and economic flux it is helpful to know that we can survive, and if we are lucky, even thrive during times of challenge. With this spirit, we offer four books that capture various dimensions of the human condition. We hope they inspire you as much as they have us.

Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.
New York: Riverhead Books. 1996.

Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories That Heal s an easy-to-read book packed with down-to-earth stories that offer profound insights into the mind-body-soul connection. From her experience as a doctor and professor, and as someone who herself suffers from a chronic illness, Remen shares real-life examples of the power of healing even in the most difficult of circumstances. Those who have met with any kind of illness, grief, or anguish, or who have cared for others facing these difficulties, will find this book a truly comforting and engaging read.

The Long Walk: The True Story of a Trek to Freedom by Slavomir Rawicz
Guilford, CT: The Lyons Press. 1997

The Long Walk is the gripping true-life account of Polish Cavalry Lieutenant Slavomir Rawicz’s imprisonment by, and escape from, Soviet captors during War World II. Rawicz was able to withstand grievous torture – mental, emotional, and physical – and somehow keep his faculties intact and escape with several others on foot in a harrowing journey from the Siberian Arctic through the Himalayan mountains and finally to rescue by Allied forces in India. The losses and setbacks Rawicz faced would seem insurmountable to most of us, yet this book reminds us of the simple power of determination. The Long Walk can offer us perspective on our worries and problems, and hopefully encourage us to apply a little more persistence to handling our own dilemmas.

What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life by James Hollis
New York: Gotham, 2008

James Hollis’s latest book is a call to explore who we are – the good and the bad – and to risk giving ourselves permission “step into largeness” and become all we could be, rather than who our family, our roles, and/or our cultural programming suggests we should be. With stories from his practice and examples drawn from popular culture, he shows us ways to strike back at fear and lethargy, at feeling beleaguered and abandoned, and to find a path that is dynamic, enriching, and brings our best selves more fully to life. Read Hollis’ book to build the courage needed to seek change and thereby bring healing, meaning, and satisfaction into your life.

Sharing Wisdom: The Practical Art of Giving and Receiving Mentoring by Robert J. Wicks
New York: The Crossroad Publishing Company, 2000

Wicks’ book is organized into 40 short chapters, each focusing on one attribute that makes for good mentoring – humor, respect – and he enlivens these concepts with stories of how they have played out in his experience as a mentor and as someone receiving mentoring. Why include this book in a blog on self-discovery? Because, as Wicks puts it, “one of the major undertakings in a mentoring relationship is also primary for those interested in a process of self-understanding and self-appreciation: We need to ensure that we have ‘safe, friendly forces’ in our lives.” Wicks himself is such a force. Read this book and bring some of his positive energy into your self-discovery process.

We hope these selections will bring you hope, solace, and an opportunity to see your life in new ways. Perhaps you have favorite selections of your own – why not re-read those classics as well as recommend them to others? Isn’t it a relief to be reminded that at a fundamental level, we’re all in this together?! Spread the word!

Self-Discovery Tool Number 7
How can being a consumer of inspiring and uplifting stories (via books, movies, or other media) improve your outlook? What is one thing you could do differently that is motivated by what you have read or seen?

Posted by learninglife at 7:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This week the United States honored past leaders by celebrating Presidents' Day, and with a new president in office, leadership is a hot topic. While Barack Obama is America’s chief “Decider,” he doesn’t make his decisions alone. Obama and other leaders usually have a team of people – a leadership circle – bringing special skills and areas of expertise together to make sound decisions. Since most of us don’t have our own cabinet or staff, we have to rely upon ourselves to navigate life’s challenges. This is not necessarily a bad thing – with a little creative imagining, we can tap into internal resources we may not have realized we had to strengthen our decision making.

Give this a go: imagine that you have your own internal leadership circle to support you. What attributes might your circle have? How might you surface and call upon these different aspects of yourself to help you make better decisions? Use the leadership styles below as a starting point to appoint your own inner leadership circle.

Healer
Having the Healer on your internal leadership team helps you to tap into things that nourish and sustain your growth and development. When you activate the Healer during decision making, you seek solutions that rejuvenate the self and reject those that reinforce negative feelings or thought patterns.

Champion
Having the Champion on your internal leadership team assists you in establishing and fighting for you own needs. When you activate the Champion during decision making, you search for solutions that protect your self esteem and reject those that thwart exercising your personal power.

Scientist
Having the Scientist on your internal leadership team offers you the opportunity to the study consequences of your thoughts and actions. When you activate the Scientist during decision making, you focus on solutions that offer you the greatest benefits and reject those that will cause you to incur high personal costs.

Mystic
Having the Mystic on your internal leadership team allows you to tap into deeper meanings, to seek a vision and purpose to guide your behaviors. When you activate the Mystic during decision making, you look beyond the surface for solutions that allow you to be authentic and reject those that require you to compromise your values and principles.

Part of self-discovery is becoming more familiar with your habitual decision-making approaches. Who is sitting in your internal leadership circle? Are they serving you effectively? Over-reliance on a single mode of decision making, even if successful or comfortable, most likely means you are missing something!

Self-Discovery Tool Number 6
Is it time to be bringing new members into your inner leadership circle? How can the Healer, Champion, Scientist, and Mystic – or leaders of your own imagining – help you to decide to get more of what you want in life?

* For further inspiration see Carol Pearson's book, Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World. (HarperOne, 1991)

Posted by learninglife at 7:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

January is nearly over – the post-New Year’s rut has set in and we feel our motivation sag. We start to question whether we deserve better lives, happiness, or a sense of wellbeing. How can we pull out of this self-defeating slide toward complacency and negativity?

Start by doing one simple thing today that makes you feel happy. Buy fresh flowers or a plant, watch a favorite TV show whether it’s highbrow or not, use that nice perfume, lotion, or grooming product that you have been saving for a special occasion. Be a little late, stop for coffee, see how well the world survives without you and how much better you feel for having taken a break. Ask your spouse to take care of the dry cleaning, the dinner, or the kids. Single? Celebrate the fact that you have no one to answer to and head out to the driving range, attend a concert, go to a book signing, or participate in a community event on the spur of the moment. Seems simple, right? But how often do we actually honor what it is we really enjoy? We find all sorts of reasons why we can’t do what we like now, or why it doesn’t really matter, or why whatever we desire is selfish, frivolous, or foolish. How easy it is dismiss our inner longing, our inner voice, ourselves!

Just imagine – if everyone began to honor what it is that brings them joy, we would no doubt have a happier community and world. Do you feel like fighting after you’ve just engaged in something that brings you joy? Do you feel like hurting someone else after you have just nurtured your true self? No. Following your bliss really is a caring act. Do everyone a favor – start savoring what makes life wonderful in some small way today. Do it for yourself. Do it for the benefits to others. Do it for all of us who are struggling to give ourselves permission to do the same. It is truly preventive community medicine!

Self-Discovery Tool Number Five
With new appreciation of the community-wide benefits – what are some simple ways you can activate your heart’s desire?

Posted by learninglife at 8:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Welcome to 2009!

The New Year is traditionally a time for self-examination and committing to life changes. Whatever the changes and however desirable they may be, we often discover that it is difficult to sustain them. Here are a few suggestions to help you formulate and maintain your resolutions.

Build on what is already working
Making sweeping changes via cutting edge techniques has a certain appeal, yet it is often more effective to pick out things that you want to retain instead. What do you like about your life? What do you like about what you are doing? By making a list of these things, you may find that you are already doing some terrific things that enhance your life and development – commit to keep doing them. In fact, consider doing some of these things even more often. And this is something to feel good about because these are things you already know how to do!

Map out multiple ways to achieve the same goal
If the first thing you try doesn’t bring the results you are seeking, combine the approach with other methods to see if that jump starts things. Have different alternatives at hand that you can activate immediately. Then, if you get bored with an approach, even if it has been successful, you can shift to another mode and preserve your momentum.

Reward yourself along the way
Don’t delay gratification; don’t wait for the big pay-off. As part of your resolution plan, decide on small milestones at which you can reward yourself for achieving tangible results. Do not underestimate the power of acknowledging and celebrating your accomplishments to keep things fun and moving forward. Rewarding the effort is what makes change possible and successful.

Enlist others
In addition to receiving needed support, making your commitment public can strengthen your sense of accountability. Find a method that suits your style: partner with a family member or friend; take a class; join an online community; consult an advisor; or find a mentor who can offer advice and encouragement. While you’re at it, return the favor and reach out to others who might need some reassurance as they try to achieve their goals. Goodwill to and from others is mutually affirming and promotes everyone’s success.

Self-Discovery Tool Number Four
What is one simple thing you could do today to change your life for the better? Hint: go for fun, low stakes changes rather than attempting a total life makeover – commit to walk a 5K rather than to run a marathon and then if you find you can do more, do more!

Posted by learninglife at 7:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)