November 16, 2004

tower of babbling

god i hate myself for that title...
so tired. sugar and caffeine really are not good substitutes for sleep and i am still not caught up.

-media effects...mass delusions,if the media starts something and it spreads (ex. child molestation frenzy in 1980's) what is the role? does the media cause it or is the pressure that the local law enforcement feels from that media (imagined pressure?) what happens when something like that causes people to not only feel as though they have experienced it through the media, but actually feel as though they have experienced it. media role may be very low but very important
did i write this already? child actor effect- what about when you experience something that isn't real (acting in a 'car crash' scene) but you perceive it and remeber it as reality. does that make it less real? what about when you find out that it isn't (ex. child molestation victims as adults) question self as expert or judge? sure as hell hope so anyways.....

chinese as number one internet language in next five years. maybe i should pick up my language studies...

donna fox..who makes that ? how do you measure a horse race when one is on a different track?

good god today was great (love nervous feelings) but totally terrible (i am such an overtalking, undereloquent disaster when i do the no sleep high sugar/caffeine thing.

trying to figure out this whole advisor thing. what should i be looking for? why do i feel like i am 13 and it is snowball time at the rollerskating rink? seriously, it feels like you are forced to do the picking but that makes the rejection that much worse. and do you really need sparks (connection on academics/intellecutal) or do you want reliable and stable (at least they are interested in the same things as me) am i even in the correct state of mind to be able to discern between the two?

concept explication re-write. not so good. i need to get a whole lot more direction or all of my thoughts will be even more worthless. if 8501 hadn't been such a fucking disaster then i would have had some time. i don't understand how much people can screw something up. seriously they are like geniuses at making work worthless. everything was almost totally ruined and besides those of us who had to clean up the mess, the rest seem so happily oblivious. am i weaker now than i used to be because i haven't directly said how their incompetence costs me so much? seriously, the idea that they even put me in place to be able to judge competence just goes to show how far over they are. maybe its smart. i am going to be with them for at least another year and a half. at least i know who to avoid when group work comes in.

grading never seems to end. of course, i am still totally hoping (though i understand that it is pretty much a lost cause) that i get 2 appointments next semester. there is no way i could really handle an outside job but the loan thing is getting to be a bit of a weight. god knows i will leave with all kinds of pressure to find the kind of well-paying job that i went to grad school to avoid getting.

tom wolfe is on tavis smiley. he is the most hilarious looking person ever. he must have some sort of sad disease because i feel like making comments about how off he looks. and now he is talking about sex on campus. i swear if he had a column with his picture, i would read that sex column every day. even before i read real news. see how it is phrased like a prayer (hint hint). ok crazy typing- now it will be recorded, now i will have a reminder of how i talk to everyone when i am like this. ok. finish grading papers. get mad at self for thinking that i could handle my volunteer position in addition to work and school. do a fraction of the e-mail replies that i should do. put off paying bills for a little bit longer. anti-intellecutalism blah blah.

Posted by leig0028 at November 16, 2004 11:48 PM