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A true story originally written during the 1997 season

I now read from the “Bible of the Minnesota Vikings” from the good book of the blessed disciple “Mr. Cheer Or Die”.

And during the 3rd quarter of play did such a horrendous call the back judge make that old men and frail women rose from their seats in the Thunder Zone and vomited beer cups upon the sacred field of play. So much so did the beer cups lay strewn upon the sacred field of play that the evil TV time-out was called upon. This is the time when the good book says that Mr. Cheer Or Die did arise from his high seat of knowledge upon which all Berserkers did look for hope and salvation and upon the sinning back judge did he deliver.

Into his mouth did Mr. Cheer Or Die place a authentic NFL whistle and let it blow with a mighty roar and reached into his pocket to mimic throwing the yellow flag of sin. The Berserkers of the Thunder Zone did then laugh upon the evil back judge and enticed Mr. Cheer Or Die into a mimicking-whistle-blowing-flag-throwing dance of the evil back judge. So much and so strong was the laughter that the evil back judge did upon Mr. Cheer Or Die point his finger and blow his equally powerful whistle.

The crowd hushed as Mr. Cheer Or Die was momentarily wounded by this heinous attack by the back judge. Play resumed on the sacred field and Mr. Cheer Or Die, always one step ahead of evil, quickly discarded his whistle to Mrs. Cheer Or Die who hid the Good Whistle of the Berserkers on her person.

Shortly, a agent of the back judge, whom upon it is known eat cameramen for dinner, appeared like dark magic at the row of Mr. Cheer Or Die and bellowed, “Come with me!” upon which fellow Berserkers in the Thunder Zone hurled such epithet’s at the agent that he did in due time approach Mr. Cheer Or Die who was unyielding in leaving his high seat in the Thunder Zone.

The agent of the evil back judge did then ask fellow Berserkers if Mr. Cheer Or Die was the person who mimicked the evil back judge. All responded, “NO!” and instructed the agent to leave with his life. It was at this point that the disciple Mr. Cheer Or Die did decide to go with the agent so that order could be brought into the Thunder Zone as the New Orleans Saints were leading the Vikings on the sacred field of play.

Led into the evil tunnels where no cameraman ever escapes, Mr. Cheer Or Die did relent to a search for the Good Whistle of the Berserkers. Little known to the evil back judge his powers cannot cloud the female Berserkers who have seen battle on the sacred field of play and Mrs. Cheer Or Die did safely dispose of the Good Whistle of the Berserkers in the sacred tampon disposal in the female rest room, in which no male Berserker has ever dared entered.

Since no whistle was found, Mr. Cheer Or Die was allowed to reenter Valhalla and led the Thunder Zone in such cheering that the prophet Ismail did score in the last seconds and lead our beloved Vikings to blessed victory. So saith Bud Grant.

Posted by maasx003 at October 6, 2004 10:09 AM