Ah, nothing like a little smashmouth to Keyshawn to start the day out right!

Pro Bowl Update

Have you voted for Pro Bowl players yet? As reported in the Pioneer Press, our own Daunte Culpepper, with 652,318 votes, ranks third among all vote-getters in fan balloting for the Pro Bowl behind fellow quarterbacks Peyton Manning of the Colts (722,669) and Donovan McNabb of the Eagles (661,852). The Vikings' Kevin Williams is the leading vote-getter among NFC defensive tackles with 125,720.

Eller Honored

Don't forget to bring your Moose calls to the game Sunday. The Vikings will honor former defensive end and 2004 Hall of Fame inductee Carl Eller during a halftime ceremony Sunday that will include the presentation of his Hall of Fame ring.

The Curmudgeon

Note: I first published the following in 2001 in response to a piece written by then STrib columnist Dan Barreiro (aka the Curmudgeon). I offer this piece because last week I complained about the volume at the Metrodome. Could I too be turning into a Curmudgeon? Eeekkkk!

The other day my dog Glynis and I were tramping about the woods near our home. She is a whippet, which is something like a miniature greyhound and just as fast. She loves to chase squirrels. For those keeping score at home, the squirrels are up 225-0-1. The one tie being when Glynis caught a few hairs off the tail of a squirrel with slow reaction time. But she paid the price by slamming into the tree as well. Tree 1, Glynis 0.

On this occasion we did not see any squirrels. Oh, we could hear them chattering mockingly towards us. But they stayed clear of harm’s way. We did come upon a murder of crows (Corvus brachyrhynchos), an unkindness of ravens (Corvus corax) and even a convocation of bald eagles (Haliaeetus leucocephalus), if I may be forgiven for using the proper group and Latin names for these species, ahem.

My wife Jackie had recently purchased a book about birds so that during a cold winter Minnesota day I can look from our window towards our bird feeders and no longer use the more common term for such groups, “a bunch of birds”, as was my practice before become a serious birder. Now I can engage in serious avian observation and sound like an authority.

When at last Glynis and I returned from our walk we discovered a gossip of women (Chatterus adinfinitus) at my dining room table, said gossip consisting of my wife and some friends.

“We best leave,” I heard Jackie say, “He’ll want to read the sports page now and then start to complain about The Curmudgeon.”

The Curmudgeon! My hated sports columnist who never, ever has a kind word for anything, anyone, or anything. Sensing that my blood was already boiling, even Glynis placed tail between her legs and hid underneath the table.

“Yes,” replied I to Jackie, “The Curmudgeon, Grouchus crankeyus.”

The term I wish to consider here has nothing to do with birding, except perhaps tangentially. It is curmudgeon, as applied to a particular Minneapolis Star Tribune sports columnist, albeit in a strained reach for humorous effect.

Not wanting to interfere with the gossip, I instead grabbed my sports page and trudged muttering off to my study, formerly known as the “hole under the stairs,” packed myself a pipe, ignited it, and, grinding the stem between my teeth, pulled the sports section out from under my arm.

The first thing I saw was the irascible, churlish aforementioned Curmudgeon pictured smack dab on the front page. He was ranting about his irritability from having attended a recent Minnesota Viking football game where the sound system was so loud it had roughed the edges of his temper, worn him down, and exposed a few nerve ends.

Taking a puff on my pipe, I recalled Jackie once say to a professor friend of mine, “Why, Bob, you used to be such a bubbly person and you aren’t anymore.” To which Bob growled in reply, blowing a wisp of hair off his forehead, “I got too old to bubble.” The same thing happened to this sports columnist, I guess. He has just gotten to old to bubble. But it appears he does enjoy a good grumble.

One thing that continually makes this sports columnist irascible and churlish is the positive thinking of Vikings fans, even when it appears the chips are down. To the sports columnist, it is depressing that Vikings fans continue to show up at games and stand on their feet and holler. It is also depressing to The Curmudgeon that the team uses the Metrodome as it should. That is to say, use its home-field advantage. If the team thinks it helps in having speakers in the field, to pipe in music as the opposing team huddles, to play “Welcome to the Jungle” as the ball is kicked off, I say more power to them.

I’d like to end by reminding The Curmudgeon that it was in fact his favorite sport, basketball, that started all this noise-making in the first place. It was the NBA that instituted the glittery introductions, the music blaring as the opposing team came up the floor, and the choreographed cheerleader numbers to entertain the paid attendance. Boy, I bet that must really burn The Curmudgeon to no end when that happens at a Minnesota Timberwolves game. Oh wait, that’s right, he enjoys it there at Target Center…at least, he hasn’t written a complaint about it yet. I know it couldn’t be a double standard now, could it?

As I puffed my pipe reflectively in my den, it occurred to me that just about everything irritates The Curmudgeon these days: the economy, politicians, positive thinkers, clothes, spotted owls, young people, old people, mechanics, plumbers, several major continents, and the expanding universe. I guess said sports columnist realized a long time ago that he, indeed, is a curmudgeon. The strange thing is, I bet he rather enjoys it.

Posted by maasx003 at December 10, 2004 07:07 AM | TrackBack