Two years ago, I offered the Vikings my kingdom for a credible middle linebacker. The offer was appealing at the time given the meagerness of my offer and the limited likelihood that the Vikings would call me on the offer.

It was, of course, with some surprise, then, that I received a knock on my door in August of 2004.

“Who’s there?� I asked.

“Mike,� replied the stranger.

“Mike who?�

“Tice—Mike Tice. I’m here to collect the debt.�

I opened the door and there stood former Vikings’ head coach Mike Tice. He had brought someone with him.

“This is E.J. Henderson,� he said. “He’s our starting middle linebacker this year and you owe me your kingdom.�

After wolfing down several cups of tea and a handful of scones, Tice agreed to let the wager run through the end of the year to determine if the credibility element of my offer had been met. “Not a problem,� he said as he picked a slivered almond out of his front teeth. “I’ll be back.�

Tice did not return at the end of the 2004 season.

I made a similar offer prior to the 2005 season. Again, Tice appeared at my front doorstep prior to the regular season. This time, he had two players with him. One of them wore a sheepish expression and stared at his feet—it was E.J.

“E.J. and I are here to admit that we were wrong in thinking that he was suited to play middle linebacker. We both think, in hindsight, that, you know, forcing him into the mix might have kind of messed him—and by him, I mean us—up. You were right. We were wrong.� Tice grudgingly said.

“But my parents didn’t raise a quitter,� Tice continued. “I’m going to take you up on your 2005 offer.�

And, as Tice spoke, he put his arm around the other player he had brought with him. After planting an affectionate kiss on the player’s cheek, Tice introduced the player.

“Vikesgeek,� Tice beamed, “meet our new middle linebacker, Sam Cowart. He’s the real deal. Smart, good speed—not great, but good. He’s going to get it done this year and I’m here to collect your kingdom.�

After another round of tea-drinking, scone-eating, and teeth-picking, Tice once again agreed to await the end of the season to collect on his debt. “I’ll let you stew until then,� he laughed in his now famous big guy laugh. Then he propped himself out of his rocking chair, brushing the cat hair from his new seersucker suit, and headed for the door. As he exited, with Sam neatly tucked under one arm and E.J. under the other, he turned and smiled. “This time,� he gloated, “I’ll definitely be back.�

Tice and I never again met.

This year, I make a similar, albeit smaller offer to the triangle of authority that now leads the Minnesota Vikings. In the interests of allowing myself a fighting chance should this offer ever become the center of a legal dispute, I offer only my “other� kingdom for a credible middle linebacker. That means that the Vikings can collect my “other� kingdom if they sign and employ a productive middle linebacker in 2006.

Despite offering this largesse in return for filling an obvious hole—a function for which someone in the triangle of authority certainly holds the responsibility and for which a generous playoff run might well be the return—my kindly nature nevertheless compels me to offer some suggestions.

And that’s the subject of the next column.

Up Next: Is Anybody Out There? Plus, Digging in Our Own Backyard.

Thanks to Wendy for the idea behind addressing the linebackers. She had written:

Great site for real fans - thanks.

I feel like I know what's going on at all the positions except for linebacker. Now that they've signed Ben Leber, what do you think the other spots look like. Is EJ going to start at one spot? What happens to Newman - I actually thought he was pretty good. Dontarious Thomas doesn't look like he can stop the run or cover anybody. Napoleon Harris just looked lost all year. Is this a spot we have to address via draft, trade before the season?

Thanks from Boston (where there aren't a lot of fans of the purple).