I've never been a huge Minnesota Twins fan. Oh, I read the box score each morning and I watched the '87 and '91 World Series and was leaping off roof tops when they won the two championships. But ever since the move indoors, the whole baseball thing has lost its sheen for me. I just refuse to go indoors for baseball when the sky is blue and the birds are singing. I feel a brat and a beer taste best when enjoyed outside, as God intended.

Take last weekend for instance. The Twins hosted the hated New York Yankees. They drew well. Very well. The first two games were fantastic....from what I read about. But just think of how marvelous those games would have been if they had been played outdoors!?!? It would have been S.R.O. and the crowd stoked like a bunch of Hulkamaniacs who had too much sugar and had drank three or four espressos. It would have been the marquee event of the spring. Instead, most people observed it by watching on television or reading about it in the local rags. It was a non-event for the casual fan when it should have been the buzz around every water-cooler in every office building in the Metro area.

I support a new Twins stadium as much as I do a new Vikings stadium. And the bonus for Vikings fans is if the Twins stadium finally gets done, it clears the pathway for Zygi and Team to get theirs done. That's why I invited the Greet Machine's Shane Nackerud too join me in getting out a very important message to all the locals. Here is Shane.

"This is a Very Important Week" by Shane Nackerud

• I hesitate to say that this is one of the most important weeks in Twins history; we've heard that before. But the outcomes of this week could indeed dictate the future of the franchise. Of course, I am talking about the House Tax committee hearings on the evenings of Wednesday and Thursday this week. I was forwarded a note from Dave St. Peter, President of the Twins, in which he had this to say:

In a unique move, Representative Phil Krinkie, chair of the House Tax Committee, has decided to hold two meetings to hear the Twins bill. The first meeting will take place on Wednesday, April 19 at 3 p.m. at the Capitol where testimony in favor of the bill will occur. The second meeting will take place on Thursday, April 20 at 6 p.m. at the Oak Grove Middle School auditorium in Bloomington where testimony in opposition to the bill will occur.

We are currently working to develop a slate of people to testify on Wednesday in favor of the bill including Twins fans, community organizations, former players, business and labor representatives.

Given the uncertain nature of Thursday’s meeting at the school, we are working to mobilize as many fans as possible to attend and demonstrate their support for the Twins bill by filling up the auditorium. This is where you come in. We strongly encourage ALL Twins [fans] to attend Thursday evenings’s hearing at Oak Grove Middle School ... And, we ask that all supporters wear something Twins-related to demonstrate your support of the team and the new stadium.

This is serious. The more I think about this "unique move" by Phil Krinkie the more I am bothered by it. Supporters of the bill have to travel to St. Paul in the middle of the afternoon to be heard, while Krinkie is giving those in opposition to the bill an evening start time and an easier place to get to. And all of this is being done under the guise of brining the democratic process to the people. That is a load of crap. If each side of the debate was given equal treatment, if each hearing was being held at Oak Grove Middle School in Bloomington, I might agree. In fact, that would be exciting. But this is such a blatant attempt to give one side of the debate more public sway it is really quite sickening. It is a chess move more than it is an example of democracy at work, and I sincerely hope Krinkie's move totally backfires on him.

If you are planning on attending the "debate" on Thursday evening here are the driving directions to Oak Grove Middle School from Minneapolis: Take I-35W south to the 106th Street Exit. Go west on 106th Street and arrive at 1300 W. 106th Street.

Twins fans should fill the auditorium. Of course we should be respectful of the debate, but I would also hope that cheers could go up anytime something favorable is said concerning the bill.

• And speaking of the "debate" ... hasn't it all been said already? Seriously, are any legislators' minds actually going to be changed on Wednesday or Thursday as a result of the testimony we've all heard so many times before? On Wednesday, Twins fans will speak in favor of the bill from an emotional and historical standpoint. Minneapolis business leaders will speak in favor of the bill in terms of downtown vibrancy and safety, not to mention what 81 games will do for Warehouse district bars and restaurants. Minnesota charities will speak in favor of the bill in terms of all the good that MLB and the Twins do for our state, and how much money the Twins have donated to state charities over the years. The Minneapolis Department of Parks and Recreation will probably speak on how valuable it is to have MLB in our state and how much it promotes baseball and the use of the ball fields in the city. And the AFL-CIO will probably speak to the fact of how important it will be to have all those jobs for the construction workers of the Twin Cities.

On Thursday night the same old antagonists will also give the same old tired arguments. Kenneth Zapp, an economist from Metro State University, will speak yet again against the plan saying the County is giving too much of the revenue to the Twins and how we should negotiate a deal more like the one in St. Louis (which was a pretty sweet deal for the Cardinals). Laura Lehmann of "Citizens for a Ballpark Referendum" will ask for ... yes, you guessed it! A referendum! Bruce Pomerantz, a citizen from Fridley will tell the commitee that if the Twins get this deal, then it sets a precedent that the Vikings will take advantage of (God forbid!). And Daniel Dobson of the "No Stadium Tax Coalition" will say the proposal is neither fair nor honest to taxpayers. This is all a given.

Here is what I think: we've heard all the same arguments. What is the point of all of this? The Tax committee hearing could get done in 20 minutes by first voting for or against a referendum amendment and then voting for or against the actual bill. 20 minutes! The rest of this is all for the benefit of grandstanding legislators. I ask again: is any of this "debate" actually going to change the mind of any legislator? I seriously wonder ...

• And speaking of legislators and other politicians, Joe Soucheray hit the nail on the head by lambasting our illustrious politicians while describing his 23rd reversal to now being in favor of the Hennepin County ballpark plan:

What turned me around this time was a photograph in the Enemy Paper on Tuesday morning about a guy in Washington, D.C., who works as a female impersonator at a club that would be demolished to make way for a new, publicly subsidized ballpark for the Washington Nationals. This guy was opposed to a new park and said that the only time he would go there "would be for protests.'' The implication seemed to be that hard-working female impersonators should not have to pay for a new ballpark for millionaire owners.

That's it. I'm on board. When it comes down to a new ballpark or preserving the working environment for female impersonators, I'm going with baseball.

Hilarious. But what Joe had me nodding my head even more over was the fact that our politicians are weak and "without fortitude." They are, quite frankly, afraid of their own shadows and wouldn't know a good deal if it bit them in the ass.

Minneapolis has no effective leadership. They stand to gain a $500 million public-works project and don't have a single solitary soul in the elected ranks who can make a case for it because they are all afraid of their various constituencies.

The state of Minnesota could get a new outdoor stadium and keep baseball for 3 cents on $20. We provide our public assistance recipients with enough money to afford 3 cents on $20. Well, people say, if it's a state benefit, maybe it should be a statewide tax then. It could be, I suppose, if you had anybody in the state who could get something done. I believe it is called taking the bull by the horns.

From the governor on down we have elected people who are gridlocked by conflicting ideologies the minute they take office.

I couldn't have said it any better myself. Shane over and out. Thanks for having me, Brian. Back to you

My Plea by Mr. Cheer Or Die

Thanks Shane! Well put and authored as usual! So local Vikes fans, here is my plea: Support your Vikings stadium chances by supporting the Twins stadium chances by showing up Thursday night in Bloomington wearing your purple and putting your ass in a chair that would otherwise be filled by a anti-stadium bum. And if you do go, take some photos and send them to me and I'll post them here on the VU.

I would be there but I will be working my second job. But I will be there in spirit. I hope many of you can find the time to represent all Vikings fans who cannot be there and help your sporting brothers get their long overdue stadium finally approved and ground broken. A sincere thank-you to one and all who can.

I Can't Sleep by Mr. Cheer Or Die

I think this will be the final word but I can't be sure. You see, I tried the newest offering from Coca-Cola today. It is a coffee-flavored drink called Coca-Cola Blak. I bought one at my local market over lunch and tried it out. Mmmmm, pretty good I thought. The first heart palpatation kicked in and I had my second swig and whoooooooooooYeahthatisrightadrinkthatcombinescaffeinewithevenmorecaffeinethathadmypulse
goingnorthof169! ManInevergotsomuchdoneinjustonedayandIstillfeltlikeIhadsomuchtod.
HOOOOOOWHEEEEEE! ThatissomegoodstuffwhyIthinkI'llhavesomeforbreakfasttomorrow! ScrewStarbucksandPopTartsBlakisallIneedBABEE!

When the wife had to give me the second dose of Valium to bring the resting heart rate to under 110 and my blood-pressure to a comfortable 200 over 120 she seemed to be calmed because, "your eyeballs are finally retracting into your skull."

Hey, give it a shot. Especially if you have stayed up all night singing at your local Karaoke bar and just remembered you have an important presentation to give the boss at 8.

I like it, I like it! You will too! I may make it the VU's official tailgate heart starter!