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October 26, 2006

punk rock chariot

two mccrappy bowling games did not start the night off right. so i figured i'd just shrug it off with a peaceful midnight drive home. but 394 face decided to close the lowry tunnel so it turned into midnight rush hour. years of video games told me to just plow right through but i withheld my instincts. and patiently waited in line as four lanes merged into one.

other cars were less patient. you could say they were jack donkeys. they rushed down the side of the road looking to bud in line when no one gave them heads or tails. if i could pimp the punk rock van with one thing, it would be those chariot wheel spikes. then i could have swirved over and blew out the tires on these jerk drivers. sure that may make me a jerk driver, but i would think it heroic. a pack of high school kids squeezed by me and almost hit me getting off the hennepin exit. they sped ahead and gave me the bird. i didn't give them the pleasure of returning the gesture, because in my mind their tires were already torn apart by the wheels of death on the punk rock chariot. then they were sitting all sad on the side of the road. because they no longer had a chance at winning the horse race.

i should go to bed. i don't think any of this made sense.

October 25, 2006

power trippin

manpower is a company located on the skyway level in the building i work at downtown. i have no idea what they do there, my guess would be to supply workers to jobs. the manpower is frosted onto their glass office location, so you can see all the people working inside. and i don't think i'm the only one whose noticed that everyone who works there is a woman. making it very tempting to tape a little paper "WO" sign up to the left of their frosted name.

October 22, 2006

hand over the money

after nearly ten years of service i have laid my wallet chain wallet to rest. there were a lot of memories stuck on that little guy. like a sticker from chuck e cheese that i got when i started my first ever band freshmen year of high school. a band that never performed and only recorded a couple cover songs. both of which were released only to the band members on cassette tapes. but the leather was getting so old that my cards were getting stuck in the wallet and turning black.

some may say that getting rid of a chain wallet is a step towards being a real adult. but i took a step backwards by opting for a velcro wallet. kind of makes me feel special. like special in that i can't tie my shoes so i use velcro sort of way. slip on shoes always worked too.

October 19, 2006

my apologies to bambi

driving home from yet another night of bowling. one in which i bowled a 130 and a 146. not too shabby. so i'm driving home happy. exiting onto 100S off 394E i see a deer grazing in the grassy pond the offramp circles around. i slowed down in case she was having a bad day and was gonna try and end it in the punk rock van grill. you see, the punk rock van has some experience with deer.

it all happened a while back now. i was driving home post midnight from an old friends house near hinckley. cruising down 35, still before it splits into 35E and 35W. going somewhere around the speed limit of 65, 70? i can't remember. pretty fast. i was in the left lane and a few car lengths ahead was a small silver accord in the right lane.

a family of deer decided to appear from the shadows to cross the road. the accord acted like a ramp, smashing into the mother deer and sending it flying sky high. almost like you only thinks happens in the movies. it was like the deer grew wings and took flight.

i would probably be laughing if i weren't busy slamming on my brakes. that is what instinct told me to do, so i would avoid the rest of the deer family. but in hindsight i probably should have eased on the brakes. because trying to stop a speeding punk rock van is not easy. imagine trying to hold back a rhinosaurus. the rhino fights back, kicking from side to side. and that is what the punk rock van did. it swerved to the left, so i overcompensated by turning to the right, then recompensated by turning the left again. at which point the punk rock van was moving sideways down 35. it was amazing the PRV didnt flip over. it did slow down though as tires are not meant to roll that way. the grass in the ditch also helped me slow down. because the punk rock van also managed its way off the road.

i pulled the van out of the ditch. because that is no place for a punk rock van. and parked it on the shoulder of 35. i sat there for a moment. thanking God for not rolling the credits on my life yet. all while trying to slow down my heart beat. the whole thing was quite a thrill. i made sure the fellow in the accord was fine. he was good, a little shocked but still alive. i kicked the tires on my van. making sure they still had some air. and because kicking tires on cars just seems like the proper thing to do when checking out a car. i could smell the melted rubber as i bent over to pull out some grass which was wedged between the tires and the rims. they seemed good and i cautiously made my way home.

as for the deer i saw tonight. she looked at me. perhaps saw in my eyes what i went through before in avoiding her kind. and ran off away from the road. the flashback was nice though, especially since i had just been bowling at memory lanes.

October 17, 2006

on the streets

every few days, a scruffy looking man sets up his shop on 9th and nicollet right near starbucks. he takes a piece of cardboard and lays it out like a table. then he pulls out a sock full of pennies and pours some onto his makeshift table. he stands up his little sign. written with permanent marker on cardboard, two things every homeless person seems to have. the sign reads "LUcKY PENNiES: $1"

further down nicollet on 8th. a man plays music but only in the evenings. i think it sets a better mood that way. he wears a taxi cab hat, which, along with the way he gets into his music, makes him look jazzy. he plays a recorder very poorly. think 5th grade music class, only now you're grown up and still playing just as bad. he should stick to trumpet. because he is much better at it. he doesn't memorize songs. he has a little music book. turning the page at the end of each song. one cool night when i was leaving work late, he was out playing the trumpet. the music was very relaxing. so i went over and slipped him a five spot. just enough to buy 5 lucky pennies.

October 12, 2006

"show those pins whose boss," i gently whispered to the ball

wednesday night is bowling night. since i have no more HOC intramural action, i have decided to join an unoffical official bowling league. i have done this for a number of reasons besides just giving me something to write about. one, i have a storied tradition with bowling. two, to work out my huge guns. three, the great comradely.

it all started back in fourth grade or so. when my friend jacob was showing off all his bowling trophies. he told me that if i joined bowling club, that you get trophies no matter what. the mounted-shiny-gold-painted bowling figures had me sold. i signed up, got a sweet shirt and started my career. i earned a lot of patches to put on my shirt, 120 game patch, 180 game patch, 350 series patch, i beat my coach patch. the patches held me over, much like a nicotine patch, but what i was really craving were the trophies. those always came at the end of the season. over the course of say 3 or 4 years of bowling club i probably collected 15-20 trophies. which i still proudly display. time went on, and bowling and i slowly parted ways. but i saved a special place in my heart for the game.

next to nascar and poker, bowling is probably the most active sport seen on ESPN. so i do it to stay fit. you think all the chub on the stomachs of professional bowlers is fat? no way, that is pure muscle. and maybe it only makes my right arm stronger, but then i can just say things like 'i can beat you up with one arm tied behind my back.' when people say stuff like that, i don't really know what they tie their arm to, because you can't tie it to your other arm. my form is a little wild. my arm whips around fransico liriano style. hopefully i won't need the tommy johns surgery.

finally, there is perhaps no better way to hang out than an old fashioned game of bowling. i mean, you sit around a lot so there is time to talk. you try and mess people up. you develop nice little strike and spare high fives. you get kind of competative. you get to wear cool shoes. and it is all for this ridiculous game where you hurl a sphere down the lane at some pins.

thank you fred flinstone for inventing the game.

October 9, 2006

tourbus 667E

the metro transit is full of suprises. today my bus ride home was full of passengers. so full i had to stand up. i was wearing my hat and jacket since it was cold out. but all the warm bodies mugged up the bus. i removed my hat and wiped the sweat from my forehead. then i manuevered off my jacket all while keeping my balance on the moving bus. after the bus made a few stops it slowly cleared out. and i finally had a place to sit. lo and behold, the girl who sits down next to me is ashlee simpson.

now i know everyone who is reading this is dying to know where she has been for so long. how her career is going. and why she is riding the 667E from downtown minneapolis to st louis park. well i was going to ask her all of these questions, but she was listening to her ipod. probably practicing up for her new lip syncing. so i didn't want to bother her like some annoying fan, because first of all i am not a fan. second of all it was not ashlee simpson, just a girl who looks like her twin. and no i don't mean jessica simpson.

but seriously, she looks exactly like her, so maybe it was her. fact is, i can't believe i just typed an entire entry on some fake celebrity sighting. maybe i am hoping for some cheap gossip ratings.

October 7, 2006

and that's the life of a minnesota sports fan

the twins. not only did they lose the first round. but they got swept. even with homefield advantage. but that is how it seems to go with minnesota teams. they put together an amazing season only to falter in the post season. and yet die hard minnesota fans still show up the next year to start the whole process over again. saying things like, "this will be the year."

but next year will be the year for the twins. barring any substantial injuries. their team is young and that inexperience showed in the playoffs. but now they will be older and wiser for it. we will have much of this years team chemistry back for next year. liriano should be healthier and stronger, giving us a deadly starting pitiching rotation, going santana, boof, liriano, garza and the 5th spot to be determined. could be perkins, gurrier, or one of our other farm grown pitchers. we have a solid defense that is young. and we should have the best hitting team in baseball once again. all we need to do is pick up one more power hitter, and hopefully extend hunter's contract. i would be fine with making him a twins lifer like puckett and radke.

anyways. here's to next year.

October 5, 2006

that story that runs inside your head but never plays out

i had my first experience at the new guthrie tonight. eating some fancy hors d’oeuvres and watching over an hour of advertisements. the food was so fancy, that i didn't really like it. i would prefer chicken fries from BK. i'm high class like that. the advertisements were the award winning variety, so it was more like watching art rather than stupid commercials.

after the show, i said goodbyes and waited for my bus. it was dark and starting to get chilly. there was this girl at my stop. she was cute. but i could tell she was getting cold. she was wearing a light trendy cowboy shirt, jeans and some flip-flops. i had a sweater in my bag, so in my mind i imagined offering it up to her while she waits for the bus. true gentlemen style. but then the other half of my mind told me that it was dark, so i didnt want to creep out this girl. there are a lot of shady characters at night.

but then she sat down next to me and started up a conversation. i must not have looked so shady. our conversation went on for a good 5 minutes before her bus came. she told me she was going to school for advertising. i told her that i work at an ad agency. but then i felt like i was bragging, so i said that i just started. at that point my mind threw me in different directions once again. at first i was about to pull out one of my business cards to give her. again true gentlemen style, cause i like to help people all i can, and cause she was cute. but then the other half of my mind was unsure of business card etiquite. do you give them to random people at bus stops in the cool of night? so both the sweater and my card stayed tucked inside my bag. because i am shyly outgoing.

and so it ended with a goodnight. and it was a good night.