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February 27, 2007

t-boned love tap

the punk rock van has a lot of character. and it got even more tonight.

tonight was a tuesday night. and most every tuesday night, i hang out with my church/bowling/internet friends at maxwell's, a minneapolis bar. there's no real parking lot, so it's all about the metered street parking. luckily the meters go to bed at 10pm, and they don't eat quarters when they are sleeping.

some cars have trouble finding these sleeping meters. there was an suv parked to the right of me as i pulled up to a stop sign. just as i was turning right, the driver of the suv realized they weren't actually parked in a spot so they pulled forward. that's when the suv met the sliding door of the punk rock van. accidents are real good at developing character, just like the nbc show heroes did a good job of developing the character of claire's father monday night.

the suv wasn't going fast at all. it wasn't really even a crash, it was more of a tap. like what kids do in high school when they slowly pull up behind their friends and high 5 the bumpers. so i wasn't too worried, i mean just the other week i was laughing about how someone egged the punk rock van. but i decided to go through some of the accident formalities.

i pulled over to the side of the street, got out and assessed the damage. no dents, there may be a scratch but i couldn't see because it was dark outside. even if it was light out, the scratch would just blend in among the other scratches. the lady had a much nicer car which is fully equipped with much more to worry about. since it was her fault, i figured it was in my court as to whether i wanted to exchange insurance information. the punk rock van wasn't really feeling the suv so we didn't exchange information, no second dates. now that i think of it, i'm not even sure if she hit me. the punk rock van is naturally a bumpy ride.

everyone wants a piece of the punk rock van.

February 26, 2007

red stripe. hooray bowling!

ad league bowling is awesome. it's like having two awesome things in one, advertising people and bowling. like peanut butter and jelly in one sandwich. almost as awesome as when i'd play halo with student government kids in college.

pretty much every ad agency and editing studio in minneapolis has a team. campbell mithun has two since they are so huge. the league takes up all 30 lanes at memory lanes. i've been in ad league bowling for 4-5 weeks now, and it's had been going on 4-5 weeks before i even joined. when i first joined the other campbell mithun team was ahead of us and we were placed 16th or so out of 30 teams. and i'm not making any claims, but since i've been on the team, we've moved up to 7th place and passed up the other campbell mithun team. it makes ad league bowling awesome.

another thing that makes it awesome is a bowling pin with not one, not two but probably 6 red stripes on it. every lane has one of these pins. if you're lucky, the pin setter will place that pin up front. then if you get a strike, you get a ticket. and with that ticket, you can win a t shirt. i know that's a long story just to say you win a t shirt, but i have striked my way to 3 tickets and 2 t shirts in my short ad league bowling career, so the red stripe pin and i get along quite nicely.

i bet walter ray williams jr wished he could win an ad league bowling shirt.

February 25, 2007

birds flying to never neverland

who coined the phrase, "never say never!" it doesn't even make sense. you say, "never say never" but 2 of the 3 words are never. so it's like you're saying, "say never as many times as you can in one sentance." it's as stupid as the saying, "give it 110%." i'm sorry, i haven't taken math since high school but i know that 110% is impossible. someone should have combined these two sayings into "never say give it 110%." that would solve some problems, it would "hit two birds with one stone" to keep on with the idioms. but who throws rocks at birds anyway?

February 23, 2007

how bizarro

in superman, bizarro is a misguided twin to the man of steel. everything he says is opposite to what the man of steel would say. so it's kind of like bizarro is playing opposite day. it's called "bizarro logic." the first time bizarro appeared in the comics he was created when superman ran into a duplication ray. however, several manifestations of bizarro have been created. the one i remember most is from superman the animated series, where lex luthor creates a flawed clone of superman. he was able to do this by collecting a sample of superman's blood from a piece of kryptonite.

ever since watching the bizarro episode on superman the animated series, i have always been conscious of my stray dna. often i think about it when i bleed, blow my nose, shed skin, lose hair or go to the bathroom. these are all opportunities for someone to create a bizarro me. i'm not sure why anyone would want to do that, nor is it really possible, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about it.

February 17, 2007

america's papa

ol' georgie and i go way back. so it's a wonder that i almost forgot his birthday coming up this monday. even with every retail organization celebrating the occasion with a sale. and other places toasting the father of the nation with a day off from work. when i found out this last week that i had george's birthday off, i was about as excited as i was when they snapped this photo/painting of us after george was elected the first president of america.

i'll have to call him up and take him out to chuck e cheese to celebrate. we can play some video games and win tons of tickets. then we'll get an order of pizza and a pitcher of cherry coke. at which point we'll laugh and joke about how many cherry trees they had to cut down to fill that pitcher.

February 10, 2007

from the heart

back in high school, practically my entire wardrobe consisted of band shirts. the shirt above is probably one of five mxpx shirts i had collected from concerts. that was part of my concert going experience. watch the show, buy some merchandise. it was like the cake song, rock and roll lifestyle, "and how much did you pay for your rock'n'roll t-shirt, that proves you were there, that you heard of them first?"

i didn't buy this shirt because i thought girls were mean. i rarely talked to girls until my junior year of high school. i was too shy. so i had no basis as to whether they were mean or not. i bought this shirt because i thought it was cool that the girl was ripping the heart straight out the dude's chest. like it were some sort of screen shot from mortal kombat.

my friend ryan looked at the shirt with a different perspective. he has a way of taking something that makes sense, and twisting it in a way so it still makes sense but in a ridiculous sort of way. whenever i wore this shirt, he'd say, "listen to your heart." he made it seem like the girl was doing the boy a favor by listening to his heart.

now this ridiculous sense maker ryan is going to be a doctor. he just found out today that he's been accepted to the university of minnesota's medical school. he has also been accepted to a medical school in brooklyn, where he has spent a majority of the last 5 years of his life. and that's where the tough decision comes into play. here's how it played out on instant messenger:

ryan: i'm kind of torn, because i'm also in at a school in brooklyn
ryan: and my whole life is pretty firmly .. in new york
ryan: so i'll miss it
ryan: but the U of M is really really really reallly good
so being his friend, i felt like this is where i must say something to help him make a decision. thinking of all the times i have had with this kid, it came to me. i'll just regurgitate what he used to tell me.
me: listen to your heart
but i didn't stop there because that sounds too cheesy. and so i twisted it some more, because twisted sense makes perfect sense to ryan.
me: listen to your heart
me: that's what doctors do
me: with a stethascope

February 4, 2007


someone got jealous at the awesomeness of the punk rock van. so they egged it. using eggs because they are a chicken.

well chicken little, i'm afraid after all you did, it only made the punk rock van even more punk rock. and i suppose, a frozen omelet.

February 1, 2007

be someone else

ray mithun, a founder of campbell mithun, said, "if 13 is unlucky for someone, it must be lucky for someone else. we decided, at the start of our business life, to be someone else."

and that's how i decided to start my business life. rather than most students who try so hard to be someone, i decided to be someone else. it was about this time last year when i began the process. i spent a few sleepless nights crafting the perfect application. i turned it in, got an interview and became one of the lucky 13. a few months later, i was hired on full time.

applications for the lucky 13 internship are once again being accepted. so if you are just finishing school and wanting to be someone else, check the website. even if you're not looking for an internship, check the site to see my role on the page.