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February 27, 2008


what's the owner of this vacuum trying to say? maybe they have aspirations of going to harvard. maybe they're alumni. maybe they think harvard sucks like a vacuum. maybe they named the vacuum. i have no idea, but i thought it was a funny juxtaposition.

February 26, 2008

axis of evil

sometimes the internet is a huge waste of time. if it didn't exist i prolly would have already found the cure for cancer. and i don't mean cure cancer like on i am legend, where everyone just turns into crazy zombies. i mean a bona fide cure for cancer. i'd also have time to update the blog more often. but i guess if the internet didn't exist, i wouldn't have a blog to update. my blog actually adds to the internet problem of wasting time.

since the internet does exist, might as well use it for some good. like, finding the cure for cancer. go donate some money or something. if people start turning into zombies, i'll join the fight to kill zombies. and killing zombies isn't murder cause they're already dead.

take that zombies and internets and cancers! i hated on all of yous in one post. freakin axis of evil.

February 18, 2008

bats that multiply like rabbits

on freezing cold days, roommate tom and i go surfing. channel surfing. we're pretty good at lounging around the house, especially when it's cold outside. on saturday we surfed up into the higher channels and happened upon free movies on demand.

let's check out what's playing. crossroads staring britney spears, um no thanks. multiplicity, sounds like serendipity, must be a chick flick, maybe another day. but roommate tom told me batman (michael keaton) was in it and it wasn't a chick flick. so we started it up.

spoiler alert. basically batman is overworked and doesn't have time for himself or his family. he runs into a mad scientist, who like all mad scientists, has unkempt gray hair. mad scientist offers to clone batman so he can be in two places at once. so batman #2 takes care of work while the original batman spends more time with his family. but then taking care of the fam takes too much work, so in comes batman #3. batman #2 & #3 also start to feel overworked and clone batman #4. so many batmans complicates a lot of things, so original batman decides to put his life back together and start anew. much in the way the batman movie series started over after the 4th batman.

and this is where i wrap things up and somehow give some insight based on the entry i just wrote or find some clever way to make the story come full circle. but umm, i've got nothing. i just felt like i haven't written in a long time. i need some mad scientist to come round and offer to clone me. then clone me will take over the blogs. i'm gonna go lounge with tom now.

February 11, 2008

nothing says "i love you" like a dinosaur

i made some dinosaur cards just in time for valentines day.

February 10, 2008

rising to the top like elevators

working in a skyscraper means lots of elevators rides. i knew a farm kid in college that was obsessed with elevators. he grabbed a comfy chair and just sat in the dorm elevator, going up and down as others got on and off. "we don't have these back on the farm." it was a little creepy. i don't find elevators so naturally entertaining, so i have to find other ways to pass time. like by saying awkward things with random people.

i got on an empty elevator with my work partner. sometimes these small spaces trap in people smells. this one smelled like grandma perfume.

me: "this elevator smells like old women."
partner: "you mean it smells like you."

the elevator was about to stop on another floor, so i got ready to say something to make their trip awkward. the doors started to open,

me: i loveeeeee old...

an old woman gets onto the elevator. crap, i was gonna say, "i love old women." it would be awkward to anyone else hearing that, but if that old woman heard that, it'd turn around and be awkward to me. think fast, need new ending.

me: ...cartoons.

and it's true, i do love old cartoons. here's a classic one about elevators:

February 6, 2008

my embosser is boss

the other day at work i saw a funny looking stapler on a coworkers desk. it was funny looking because it wasn't even a stapler, it was an embosser. i had to try it. it made everything look so official. so i asked, "why do you have this?" she replied, "it keeps people from stealing my stuff." i was so gaga eyed over this contraption that she got together with my partner and they bought me my own mark maker embosser. it was like i just received a red ryder bb gun in the christmas story. but i still had an important decision to make. what should my embosser emboss?

there's the professional seal:

the monogram:

one clip art option really caught my eye:

i just needed to personalize it a bit:

bring on some stuff to emboss!

February 4, 2008

so if i bash minnesota teams, will they start playing awesome?

looks like eli manning read my entry about him and didn't take to kindly to it. he's like, "who does this punk kid think he is?" then he goes and wins the super bowl. beating the undefeated patriots. for perhaps the biggest upset in football history, dare i say, sports history. then eli turns to me and says, "there's a reason i'm in ads, and you just make em." so i say to him, "i'll never put you in one of my ads." so he says, "i didn't want to be in one of your ads anyways." so i fire back, "well you're not invited to my birthday party tomorrow." so he says, "i just won the super bowl, i'll throw my own party." and i end it with, "you still look like a little boy in your football helmet." and with his voice cracking he says, "i know."