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May 31, 2008

hello hail-o

today was sunny and warm, clear skies, then hail came out of nowhere. and by nowhere i mean the sky.

i ran outside to see if hail hurts, roommate tom pretended that it was gold.

then i made a lil man out of the hail. i named him chuck liddell, because roommate tom was watching a show about him earlier. he's a ultimate fighter nicknamed the iceman. and hence the connection to hail.

May 18, 2008

hey ikea, do you want to hear a pirate joke?

this past weekend i was in denver to cheer on the twins. i rode the light rail in and out of downtown and made friends going both ways. the people i met on the way home were very entertaining.

let me introduce you to rich and his 28 year old daughter renee.

rich is a retired guy probably in his 60s, he did most of the talking, so this story is mostly about him. his daughter just sat next to him thoroughly embarassed the whole time.

he thought i was dressed funny. he said i looked like an ikea store. renee points out that he shouldn't talk because he's wearing a button up shirt with fish printed on it. "i like to fish," he says.

i tell them i'm from minnesota. so rich decides to become a tour guide, "that bar there is the first place in denver to get a liquor license."

"wow," i play along.

"they have a very exotic menu, like rocky mountain oysters. those are buffalo testicles." he laughs like a little school boy.

i cringe and say, "barf, that's disgusting."

"hey, do you want to hear a bar joke?"

i have come to realize that older people love to tell jokes. being one to enjoy a good joke i reply, "sure, why not?"

"k, so what's your name?"


"k, well david you'll be the bartender. my name's rich, i'll be the customer."


"so rich walks into the bar and he's dressed like a pirate. arrrrrrr. he tells david that he's decided to become a pirate. arrrrrrrrr. david asks him how he got his peg leg, and rich tells him that he lost his leg in the warrrrrrrrr. then david asks him about his hook. rich says he accidently cut that off with a knife. arrrrrr. finally david asks rich about the eye patch. rich says a bird pooped in his eye. arrrrrr. now david's like, wait a minute, you can't lose an eye from bird poop. rich says, i know, but i only had my hook for one week. har har harrrrrrrrrrrr."

"ha, that's a good one."

he took a long time delivering this joke. we even transfered trains together to finish it. eventually i got to my stop and i bid them farewell. he made me promise that i'd pass along the pirate joke.

May 16, 2008

cruisin with cobra commander at the movies

whilest i was enjoying the sun in beautiful santa monica, i stumbled across this nice sticker. cobra commander has a stronghold on the city. as do cruiser bikes. i see them everywhere. much like my schwinn speedster only with fatter tires, and a little less speed.

i admire them. they say, "i'm not trying to go fast, i just want to get from here to there." these cruiser bikes represent how i live my life. no need to rush.

there are those who say that people who rush are fools. who says that? a movie title says that. i don't really know what the movie's about, but the title illustrates my point.

what good does rushing do? it stresses you out. nobody likes it. yet people do it all the time. they even dedicate an entire hour to rushing. people hate rush hour. unless we're back in movie land, then they like it enough to make two sequels.

there's a gi joe movie in the works. back in cartoon days, cobra commander always had to fight against gi joe. and joe always got the cool public service announcements at the end of every episode. but i'm giving some time for cobra commander to give his version of a PSA.

cobra commander says, "live like a cruiser bike. slow down, relax and enjoy life."

speed kills. and cobra commander is my anti-drug.

May 8, 2008

some people often confuse me for a viking

today i had the pleasure of spending some time with two members of the minnesota vikings. some things have to be kept secret for business reasons. so i can't really say which players and what it's for, but you'll see ads around town soon enough.

the first player is a very big man. very big. i told everyone that i wanted to arm wrestle him. then i told them i might have a better shot in a foot race. they all doubted me. they said i could probably only beat him in squeezing through small spaces. once he walked out, i noticed despite his large size, he had tiny muscle legs. he probably could beat me in a foot race...dang! i tried on his 4XL shirt and i told him that it fits me well since we have the same build. he was a big friendly guy, so he laughed it up.

the second player was smaller in comparison, but still big since he plays football. duh. he's a faster member of their team so i know that i would never beat him in a foot race. someone from our crew told me, hey, you beat him in the height contest. finally i could go home victorious.

they were both very nice guys, and it was a fun day. i think i'm an honorary viking now since i'm scandinavian and i won the height contest. this all plays into how i want to be buried when i die. a traditional viking burial at sea, after doctors remove all my useful organs.

May 1, 2008

fantastic four years old

today the blog celebrates it's fourth fantastic birthday. here's to four more years of stupid blabberings, outlandish stories and utter randomness. four more years! four more years! maybe i can take the blog golfing, and yell, "four!" or maybe we can go play some connect four. or we can go pick four leaf clovers. does anyone else have anymore lame four jokes for the blog's birthday? a four-closure joke would probably be in bad taste considering the housing market.