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January 31, 2009

cyclops critics

i have another ad on tv. i'll post it up on the blog once someone else posts it to youtube. i don't want to break any talent contracts. this is my favorite spot i've gotten produced so far. although it should be no surprise that i got a spot produced with giant eyeballs. especially if you knew that as a child i had an eyeball obsession.

it's always fun to read what others have to say about the ads i make. there's a forum dedicated to people pissing and moaning about ads they hate. ha, what an honor, there's a whole thread of ranting dedicated to my cyclops spot. here's one of my favorite posts:

its asinine and anybody associated with bringing this POS into being should be publicly flogged during the Super Bowl halftime show.

how nice of them. they want me to be in the half time show of the super bowl. luckily there are also people posting nice things about the spot.

On a totally off-topic note, how much did you love the H+R Block commercial with the Cyclops pushing the wheelbarrow full of money down the sidewalk on the way from ‘his people’ who took a second (get it?) look at his taxes. And then there was his Cyclops buddy who “Can’t believe my eye!? HA!

now go get your taxes done at H&R Block.

January 27, 2009

boring grown up stuff

part of pretending to be a grown up involves doing boring grown up things. like maintaining your car. my car happened to come with racing tires. which is great for when i'm with the fast & the furious crew. but terrible when snow is involved.

i survived one winter with racing tires. skidding about and catapulting myself up my icy driveway.

my car dealership working uncle suggested snow tires. he got me a small deal on the best of the best. and i must say, they do not disappoint. i feel like i drive a 4 wheel drive car now. i can plow through snow and climb icy mountains with ease. vrooom!

this boring grown up thing was fun. not boring. so i think that means i'm like a grown up or something.

a grown up who's still trying to grow that mullet.

January 19, 2009

growing mullets

back from like kindergarten through 3rd grade i grew a pretty mean mullet. the mullet spike hairdo pictured is from the peak of my mulletness. for those who have mourned since the day a metaphorical delilah cut my samson mullet locks off, days of rejoicing are near. i'm attempting to regrow the mullet. and my hair lady is totally on board. hopefully it'll go better than that time i tried to grow a mustache. i think looking like a redneck is ok, but pedophile mustache is not ok.

making mustaches and mullets. these are the things i do when i get bored.

January 9, 2009

there he blows...chunks

yesterday, for the first time since 5th grade, i puked. twice actually. i had almost forgot what it felt like. and i wish i never had to remember. cause feeling like you can't breath sucks. it came out at like 100mph, no joke. i looked like that guy on team america: world police. only i was barfing all over a stall at work. embarrassing.

now i've confined myself to my room. sleeping a lot. i just ate one slice of toast. and i'm super focused on not un-eating it. and by un-eating, i mean barfing it.

i think i've lost all my winter fat. next year, i'll get a flu shot.

January 6, 2009

sad day

i saw a good childhood friend for the first time in about 5 years last week. the first thing he said to me after our long hiatus was "you still dress like a bum."

no arguments here.

perhaps the centerpiece to my bum style is the yellow park tavern shirt pictured above. as soon as i bought it at a thrift store, it quickly became my favorite shirt. it was super worn out and comfortable and the perfect length for my long torso. not to mention it's for a bowling alley in my hometown, two things i love sewn into one.

my childhood friend wasn't the only one who gave me crap over the yellow beauty. some coworkers joked that the shirt was mesh since it had worn thin and semi-transparent over the years. and the problem about wearing thin, is that soon thin becomes holes. a few small holes here and there was fine. but today i noticed a large tear above the letter t. it's too thin to hold thread so there's no reasonable way to salvage it.

yes, i have put the park tavern shirt to rest. in the garbage. my mother will probably be elated at this news. no announcements yet as to what shirt will become my new fave. the heartache is still too fresh to make that sort of decision.

let's all take a moment of silence in remembrance of a wonderful t shirt.

January 3, 2009

winter fat

every winter, i have this odd desire. a desire to be fat. it's mostly because that'd keep me warm. it'd be like wearing a winter jacket all the time. and i think my wishful thinking is starting to come true. thank you jiminy cricket.

last july i made a bet with some coworkers that i weighed more than 170. we left the restaurant we were eating at to find a scale. i weighed in 5 lbs short of 170 and so i lost $10.

last night i weighed myself (for the first time since last july) and i weighed in at 178! that's like more lbs gained than my family poodle weighs, including his large lumpy tumors.

i still have some work to do though because i still get cold outside. feed me.