I bet Teri Shiavo would be mortified if she knew how many people knew her name and why. Someone on one of my mailing lists found this new version of a living will. I think I'm going to sign it and get it notarized....
NEW LIVING WILL FORM
I, _______________________ (fill in the
blank), being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive
indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood
politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a
cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children, parents
and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a
Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special
law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these
boneheads mind their own damned business, and pay attention instead to the
health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into my case. I don't
care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run
for the presidency in 2008; it is my wish that they play politics with
someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.
I don't care if a million religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in
which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I
certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They
should mind their own business, too!
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his
or her existence a living hell.